AITA for screaming at my friend when she kept asking me the same question?

A former freelance wardrobe stylist, now working a stable office job in a library, snapped at a friend who repeatedly questioned his decision to leave the film industry. The friend, who comes from an influential family in the field, failed to understand his struggles and preference for stability over passion.

After two years of persistent questioning, he lost patience and told her off during a dinner, leaving after paying for his meal. Now, he’s wondering if he overreacted. Read the original story below…

 

‘ AITA for screaming at my friend when she kept asking me the same question?’

Okay background info, I (28m) used to work in the film industry as a freelancing wardrobe stylist/costumer from I was 21yo. I met said friend (26f) on set early in my career where she also just started off her career. 2+ years ago,

I left the industry of years of near non existent work life balance, being taken advantage of and pay issues(underpaid or constant late payment which is common in my country due to no unions exists here). Doesn’t help that I had worked 3 months with my pay being withheld for a project at the end of my film career.

So I left the entire scene for an office hour job that pays significantly lower than freelancing but stable with benefits. My current job is something many are surprised that I took it up (I work in libraries now lol). My friend lets call her Ally. So Ally is a nepo baby in the industry.

Her father is a long time video editor and her aunt was someone prominent with strong influences in the local scene so she doesn’t face any issues that I faced, who had no one to protect me from the nonsensical business practices of the industry. She couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that I left my passions to work in corporate.

I tried to explain to her my situation (I’m the oldest child and only son in an Asian household, and I am the main breadwinner of my family of 6) and the fact my passion for creative work had died. I was more interested in stability. Still she questioned my choices.

Ally kept asking the same questions for 2 years. Kept trying to coax me into joining back the film industry, kept saying that working for passion is better suited for me or she has no friends in the industry anymore (there were a good number of people who left?).

I kept trying to get her understand that I’m happy and comfortable with my current job. Recently, she asked me the same question when we met for dinner and this time i was kinda in a bad mood. So I snapped at her in public.

I called her out her blatant disrespect for my choices and the fact she saw how much I had to endure working in film, how I was unhappy in the end. I told her that she’s an i**ot and to f**k off. Paid for my meal and left. Now that I have managed to cool down, I feel guilty for causing a comotion in public and embarrassing her. AITA?

PD_31 −  NTA. After two years of being hounded I’m not surprised you snapped, particularly to someone so privileged that they have no concept of what you’ve had to deal with throughout your career.

cinnamon_s −  NTA. It seems she didn’t pay attention to the details of your conversations. Makes you wonder if she is really happy in the field.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She’d been hounding you for years and refused to stop. She knew exactly what she was doing (or she should have) and got exactly what she deserved. When you poke at people over and over again, they’re eventually going to get sick of it and snap at you.

LukeHeart −  It make perfect sense that anyone would snap after being hounded FOR 2 YEARS. the friend should have stopped after OP first said no. NTA
INFO – in the title when you say you screamed at her what does that mean. Was that just snapping at her? Raising your voice? Or was full blown screaming?

Ambitious-Cover-1130 −  Well no – you just forgot that the definition of madness is to do the same thing and expect different outcomes!!!

tinamoot −  NTA ally sounds like she’s making those comments from a place of privilege like what nepo babies do. Also, just based off of the way this was written out, are you from 🇵🇭?

potatochipqueen −  NTA. I work in film. I’m leaving for a stable, lower paying job. People who don’t have or value work/life balance in the industry don’t get the people who are unhappy and want to leave. I mean the conditions we are brainwashed into not only accepting but advocating for are insane.

You’re taking care of yourself, maybe she’s a bit resentful. But a friend should be happy for you, not pestering you to go back to a life that made you unhappy. Best of luck in your new career!

SafariNZ −  NTA but you missed a great opportunity to use “Which part of NO do you not understand!”

Accomplished_Hand820 −  Honestly work in the library is far from calling a corporate work

Perfect-Map-8979 −  NTA. It’s weird that she’s so invested in what you’re choosing to do for work. If you want to continue the friendship, you could apologize for the outburst (not the content, just the outburst) and have a conversation about how her pestering you makes you feel.

Was his reaction justified? Share your thoughts!