AITA for saying that my daughter inherits my house “no matter what”?

A Reddit user, a single mother in her 50s, shared their situation regarding the inheritance of their home in the Bay Area. The house, once purchased for around $230K, is now worth about $1M. The user has a 23-year-old daughter, Camila, who grew up in the home and always assumed she would inherit it.

The user’s fiancé, Steven, has two children from a previous relationship and disagrees with the user’s decision to leave the house to Camila exclusively. Despite Steven’s concerns about dividing the inheritance between all three children, the user insists that her daughter will inherit the home, as it’s crucial for Camila’s future.

‘ AITA for saying that my daughter inherits my house “no matter what”?’

I’m a single mom in my 50s with one daughter. I got very lucky in that I bought a home in the Bay Area nearly 30 years ago for around $230K before the tech boom and now the house is worth about $1M. I have a 23 year old daughter Camila who grew up in that house and she moved out last year to go live with her boyfriend.

I’ve never explicitly told my daughter “the house will be yours” nor has she asked anything about it, but just sort of common sense – that’s my daughter. Who else would I give it to? One important note – There are 2 homes in the neighborhood that are owned by lower middle class people (me and a neighbor who’s been here as long as I have).

Otherwise, our neighbors are engineers and software developers. The Bay Area is simply un-affordable if you’re not in tech. My daughter is a hair stylist. My fiance Steven and I have been together for 2 years. He has 2 young children (elementary school) he has joint custody of who I adore and I’m excited to help raise them.

Steven and I don’t have a ton in the bank so a pre-nup seemed silly if it weren’t for the house. I told him that I’m ready to combine finances and plan long term with him, but I wanted a pre-nup agreement just for the house. It’s a non-negotiable for me that my daughter inherits the house. He wasn’t happy with this.

He said that $1M split 3 ways is enough for all 3 kids to get a headstart in life. I disagree, I paid 80% of the mortgage by myself and Camila is my only child. She can have her dream life (working as a hair stylist, living in the Bay Area) with this house but will be unhappy (have to move out to a less desirable area) if it’s split.

I spoke to Camila about this and she agrees that she should get the house and said she always planned on inheriting it, just like I always planned on giving it to her.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

SnakesCantWearPants −  NTA. You have been with this man 2 years and he is demanding that his kids receive an equal share of the home you paid for and raised your daughter in decades before he even existed for you? That’s absurd.

If you’re going to marry this man and merge finances with him, you need to speak to an attorney first and make sure your wishes you YOUR home will be followed in the event that anything should happen. But first you should ask yourself, if you have to go to great lengths to protect your child from his greed and entitlement, if marriage and merging finances is something you really want to do with this person.

Babybleu −  NTA. The house was purchased 30 years ago, long before you met Steven, and it is your separate property. I would not add him to your house deed. IANAL, but I certainly would consult an attorney versed in estate law.

I have my eyebrows raised that a fiancé’ of 2 years thinks his two children should get an equal share of your house that is your separate property, and that you have paid the mortgage on for nearly 30 years. Please, protect yourself and contact an attorney.

abcwva −  I have lived in Bay Area. 1/3 of that house will not go far for giving Camila the future you and she want her to have. You are passing your good fortune, and hard work, on to your daughter. Makes perfect sense to me. Between Steven and his ex, they have the right and responsibility to provide for their two children as best they can.

JakBurten −  NTA, that’s your house. I think the prenup is a fantastic idea as it is your investment, you shouldn’t risk losing it if things go south. I am just floored he thinks his kids are entitled to 2/3 of the value. WTFF?!?

[Reddit User] −  Lady, you’ve been with that man all of two years. You better stop playing. This isn’t even a question. That house belongs to YOU and should go to YOUR daughter. All due respect, f**k them kids. NTA

Livvylove −  NTA why does he think his kids should get so much when it’s your house. That’s crazy to me. Proceed with caution

dragoneggblaze −  NtA. Don’t marry him if he refused to sign a prenup and get that desire in writing with your will or he and his kids will have grounds to contest it later. Please don’t marry without a prenup and if you have to make it a long engagement. Don’t even set a date until he agrees and signs.

ogrizzle2 −  This guy is basically just paying rent and he wants to control 33% of your assets? Regardless of his intentions, that house is YOUR property and a prenup is a reasonable request in this situation.

Don’t back down, at the end of the day that house is for your daughter and you need to stand your ground.. NTA Edit: So I heard he wants to give 2/3rds of OPs house to HIS own children and he doesn’t get where you’re coming from? Who even thinks like this

sra19 −  NTA – it’s your house to do with as you please. But, if you are positive that you will not change your mind about this, you may want to consider putting the house into an irrevocable trust for your daughter,

it would keep your house from going through probate and would keep it from being part of any challenges to your will or to the prenup. I’m not saying it’s definitely be a better option for you, but it might be worth discussing with an attorney or financial planner.