AITA for saying my sister needs to stop bringing up her miscarriage for attention?

A Reddit user shared a difficult situation with their sister, who had a miscarriage ten years ago. While the user acknowledges their sister’s trauma, they feel that their sister often uses it to gain attention, especially when the user is receiving attention from their mother.

After being sick and needing support, the user became frustrated and texted their sister to stop using the miscarriage as a way to divert attention. Now, the user is being criticized by family members for being insensitive, and they’re questioning if they went too far.

‘ AITA for saying my sister needs to stop bringing up her miscarriage for attention?’

Okay this is a d**zy, so please strap in and bear with me. For context here, my sister is 30, I am 22. Ten years ago, my sister had a miscarriage. Obviously, it was devastating for her and the whole family and it took her a couple of years to fully heal from it.

We’re still not 100% sure why it happened, but it was a one off and she’s since had three very healthy, beautiful children, including a set of twins. So here’s the thing. My sister and I don’t really get on. She resented me as a kid because she had to share mum’s attention and because she thought mum left her dad to be with mine.

Never really grew out of that resentment and she was pretty much my biggest b**ly throughout childhood and my teenage years. One thing she absolutely cannot stand is when mum and I do things without her, or when mum pays more attention to me than to her.

When this happens she calls mum and says she’s feeling really upset about the miscarriage and without fail mum goes running. This includes a trip to Paris I took mum on for her birthday earlier this year, which she cut short because sister said she needed her.

Also includes when I had a manic episode so bad I was hospitalised and sister managed to need mum every time she was planning to visit me and so she never did. Note, these times when mum is spending more time with me than her are the only times sister brings up what happened and certainly the only times she still gets so upset about it.

So recently I was sick. Like, don’t leave the bathroom for days, can only keep water down sick. Didn’t manage to get the doctor, but I think it was norovirus. It lasted about a week Mum was popping in daily on her way home from work to check on me and stuff. On the last day of being seriously unwell, when I felt I could eat again,

Mum offered to make me some soup while she was there, which I accepted. She was halfway through making it when sister called her saying she was upset about the miscarriage and she told me I’d have to finish it myself because she had to go. I didn’t say anything to Mum and I finished making the soup,

but I sent my sister a text saying she really needs to stop bringing it up for attention because she can’t bear me getting some instead. I guess she told mum and her dad because I’m hearing from all sides what a horrible, insensitive, selfish b**tard I am and how dare I say that to her.

I understand she may still be traumatised, I just think it’s really weird how that trauma solely manifests whenever I’m getting attention and she isn’t. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

knobleknight −  NTA ten years? With other, healthy children? Yeah that’s some bs you’re not in the wrong here.

Openforbullhit −  NTA – oh my god. Miscarriages are so common. While they are sad, she is totally just doing it for attention. Im surprised your mom falls for it. But, since everyone falls for it, I guess there is nothing you can do.

Honestly, you should feel bad for your sister. She is so insecure in her relationship with your mom that she doesn’t think she is capable of getting her attention. She thinks she needs to talk about this to be noticed

ThatCrazyChick1231 −  NTA It’s been 10 years. She has children now. She needs to grow up and realize it’s not all about her. You should explain to your mom your side in full with examples of your sister pulling this. And your sister needs some serious therapy Eta: Stick up for yourself and don’t let them guilt you into giving in. You’re not in the wrong here, your sister is

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your mother is TA. Your sister keeps this j**kass behavior up because it works. This one’s on your mom. I get that you don’t like your sister so it’s easier to be mad at her, but think about it. Who bails on you when your sister snaps her fingers?

Mom. Your beef is with mom. So while I don’t think saying that to your sister makes you TA, I do think you’re directing your energy in an unproductive direction. Talk to the person whose behavior is actually upsetting you.

figferret −  NTA Miscarriages are common that doesn’t make it not sad but it’s definitely not something she can keep doing this s**t with. Tell her if it’s such a ptsd causing event that she should get therapy.

charlottethepigsmom −  NTA: I have a similar type situation with my sister. Cant talk to my mom on the phone w/out her coming in to listen or interjecting or mom having to go because she (or her two kids my parents are practically raising cause she wont) needs something.

Its gotten so bad I rarely call anymore and now mom wants to know why. Im like cause you never have time for me. Only for them. You can call when you are totally free. Sounds like you are gonna have to set some clear boundaries with your family as well. So sorry you have to deal with this. Hope you can figure out something to get some peace.

scoobledooble314159 −  Nta but this is more on your mom for giving in.

Fayebie17 −  It’s possible that you have a skewed data set here, and that you only hear about your sister getting upset about her miscarriage when it impacts you. Otherwise it wouldn’t be necessary for your mum to tell you each time your sister calls upset. No ruling.. just saying this could be a possibility, in which case I can understand why your parents think you’re TA.

Reignbeaus −  NTA. Your mum needs to stop pandering to this nonsense, cutting a holiday short over something that happened ten years ago is ridiculous and she’s enabling your sister’s selfish behaviour.

mrsstressedmom −  ESH, but I think your Mom is the worst You – even though from what you described you’re not being treated fairly, you didn’t have to accuse your sister of using the miscarriage for attention. It sounds like you two don’t talk very often so how would you know how often she talks about it?

Yeah, most people get over something like that within ten years, but it’s not your life event, and from what you’ve said you can’t say for sure she’s doing this consciously or maliciously.

Your sister – mostly for the b**lying, possibly for using the miscarriage for sympathy (need more information or a different perspective to say for sure – is she deliberately doing this or is she really not over it/have mental health issues?).

Your mom – your mom is the biggest a**hole here for taking your sisters needs over yours. With the circumstances you described you needed your mom more than your sister, but your mom took her side.

In my eyes it doesn’t really matter what your sister gives as an excuse for why she needs your mom more, the real problem is your mom prioritizing your sister over you. The key to addressing this is talking with your mom.