AITA for saying I won’t ever be close to my half sister and I wish I could have stayed with my grandparents?

A 16-year-old girl (16F) shared her feelings in family therapy about her strained relationship with her half-sister (13F) and stepmother. She expressed that she wished she had been allowed to stay with her grandparents after her mom’s death instead of living with her father and stepmother.

She also stated that she doesn’t think she will ever be close to her half-sister. Her dad and half-sister are upset by her comments, and she is now questioning if she was in the wrong. Read the original story below to get the full context.

‘ AITA for saying I won’t ever be close to my half sister and I wish I could have stayed with my grandparents?’

My dad, stepmother, half sister (13) and I (16) are in family therapy. My dad was concerned about mine and my half sister’s strained relationship and my distant relationship with his wife and he wanted us to finally come together as a family. My parents broke up when mom was pregnant with me and divorced after I was born.

Dad moved states for a job which was part of what broke them up. So he didn’t see me a lot. He had to fly back and forth to see me until I was 2 and then I would fly out to him. He married my stepmother when I was 2. My half sister was born when I was 3. Even when we were little there wasn’t a whole lot of closeness and I’d miss my mom and want to go home more than I wanted to be with them.

My mom and I lived with my grandparents. So I had the three of them at home and it was amazing. I was always way closer to them. My mom died when I was 9 and my grandparents asked dad if I could stay with them. I wanted to and I did say it then but he said I belonged with my family. It was really upsetting and stuff and things were always so awkward.

I didn’t want to be with them, but my dad really wanted me there and my relationship was never too great with any of them. With dad it was only a little better. My half sister started complaining about me a lot around a year ago. Saying I hogged our shared family and that I didn’t treat her mom like I should.

She said I was a mean girl to her mom because I didn’t remind people of her mom when I was told I look like my mom, which I do look like my mom. And I do get comments on that from my mom’s side and my dad’s side. I’d ignore her and she’d complain about that and say I didn’t care what she thought of me and I didn’t care about her mom and how wrong that is because her mom’s the best and she’s my mom now too.

Dad eventually was like okay, we need therapy together and we started three months ago. We were all given the chance to speak about what we felt was wrong, what was bothering us and stuff. My half sister repeated all her complaints about me but she goes on and on about it and how annoyed she is that I don’t tell people about her mom when they say I look like mine.

She also went on and on about how she feels like our shared family favor me and stuff. She ignored when asked if they see her more, because she knows they have. Not even just before but I do go to spend time with my maternal family and when I do I’m not around to see them. And I went years sometimes without seeing dad’s side.

My stepmother didn’t say much. My dad went over how he wants us to be closer and how it bothers him that my half sister and I aren’t close at all. And how it’s like we just met and things are strained in that way. He said we always knew each other and I’ve lived with them for so many years now.

I talked about how I didn’t care how my half sister felt about me or saw me and how I don’t need to talk about her mom when people say I look like my mom. I was asked about losing mom and then moving. I was told I should be honest. This was in a recent session and I said I wish I had been allowed to stay with my grandparents.

That I missed them and wished I could live with them. How they were my home and my family even with mom gone. And I said my half sister and I won’t ever be close. We never were before and I don’t think we’ll see much of each other when I can decide to leave. I said we’re just very different and there will always be a lack of bond, at least on my part.

My dad was really upset about the stuff I said and he talked to me afterward and asked me why I’d say the stuff about my grandparents like that. He said he’s my family and so are his family. He also told me he couldn’t believe there was no bond with my half sister at all. My half sister was really angry at me for saying the things I did. She told me I should care way more about this stuff.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

BulbasaurRanch −  Not the a**hole at all. Your father’s happy family fantasy isn’t reality and he can’t deal with it. That’s on him. He can’t force a relationship with your half sister. You were right to be honest that you wished you lived with your grandparents. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your half sisters opinion doesn’t matter. Really, it’s of zero value to you. Her feelings are her own to deal with, and it’s not your responsibility to placate her.. NTA

Ok_Reach_6527 −  NTA. You need to tell the therapist that “your family” attacked you after therapy for what you said, so you can’t be honest anymore in therapy because it isn’t really a safe space for you.. Edited to add NTA, of course.

Ok_Structure4685 −  The problem here is that your father took you to therapy not with the intention of repairing a relationship, but believing that he needed to “fix” you . If your father doesn’t understand that, then therapy and any healthy relationship will not succeed. Therapy is meant to help and support each other, not to “fix” you. NTA.

OldGmaw2023 −  16. Tell the therapist you got in ‘trouble’ for being honest = so will contribute nothing in future visits. 2 years then you can go back to Grandparents or off to college. For college start Now with guidance councilors , favorite teachers ,

what all do you need to do to get scholarships .. my grand started in 10th doing all the stuff to get a scholarship so college would be paid for / little debt .. You can’t depend on Dad to pay so do it for yourself… That way he can’t put ‘conditions’ on help

TerrorAlpaca −  NTA. Ask your dad what he thinks how you would react if he didn’t make his youngest daughter stop with her stupid f**king comments? Why would you need to talk about HER mom when you have a different mom?

SHE is the one that can not accept reality. If she’d stopped who knows how you relationship could have been, but instead she kept pushing and pushing and pushing you away to a point that NOW you can not wait to be old enough and leavet his house.

Srvntgrrl_789 −  NTA. You’ve been though a LOT, emotionally speaking. Your father should’ve left you with your grandparents, honestly, as you were happy and thriving in their care. I do feel sympathy for both you, and your half-sister. She’s also had to make huge adjustments that your father forced on both of you in an attempt to blend your family. She’s letting her feelings be known, though I’m sure she’s been excessive about it.

Your father needs to process and understand that 1) his leaving your mom, and his abandonment of you, and yes, it was abandonment, are his fault, not yours. This means that he started this whole mess, and he needs to accept his role in ALL of it, 2) therapy is not a guarantee that your family will succeed in blending.

Therapy is a tool to help people navigate, process, and accept life’s challenges that can aggravate mental health. You spoke your truth. If your father is angry, then remind him he started all of this, and if he values any kind of relationship with you, he needs to respect your boundaries.

United-Manner20 −  NTA and you did the right thing by speaking your truth. He had a vision in his head. He would fully blend in with her family and one unit, and that was never your attention. Hopefully after another therapy session or two, it will be offered to let you move in with your grandparents. A lot of states the child gets to decide where they would rather live. Maybe talk to your grandparents and see if that’s the case in your state.

Victor-Grimm −  NTA-Next time when you go to therapy and it is your turn to speak. Say due to my father and family’s reaction and comments after we left from me opening up last time, I no longer am comfortable of speaking openly about this anymore.

If all I am going to get is guilt tripped and scolded even more outside of this safe environment for being honest then I no longer wish to speak. Therapy is not a place to open up and then get stabbed in the back when you leave.

Princesshannon2002 −  You need to speak about being guilted for being truthful in therapy. He essentially emotionally punished you for doing what therapy does.
I have zero understanding of why you should mention your step mum at all when people say you look like your mum? That’s bizarre. They can’t erase your mum, and it’s wrong of them to try. Did your Da work on your half sister’s entitlement to the family attention?

throwawtphone −  NTA. Your sister is 13 and is basically really emotionally immature, even for a 13 year old. She loves her mom and thinks she is the best, so she is basically viewing you, not thinking that way too as an insult to her mom. And it isn’t. She just doesn’t understand that at all.

I would just tell her look, “You love your mom, you think she is the greatest mom ever, and she is for you because she is your mom. And that’s great for you. But i have a mom, and she was the greatest mom ever for me. She is gone, but that doesn’t mean she stopped being my mom. She will always be my mom.

Me loving my mom doesn’t mean your mom is bad. She is just not my mom. If your mom died, could anyone replace her for you? If dad gets remarried again, would that person ever replace your mother? No? Thats how everyone feels about their mom. Other people have feelings just like you, and sometimes people feel differently than you.

That is normal and ok. What isn’t ok is demanding the world feel exactly like you do about everything.” Someone needs to explain reality to that kid. She needs to start becoming more aware that people are going to be and think and feel differently than her, and that’s ok. And it doesn’t make those different than her wrong.

Was the teenager wrong for expressing her true feelings in therapy, or was it understandable given her past experiences and strained relationships? Do you think she should have been more considerate of her dad and half-sister’s feelings, or is it fair for her to be honest about her own perspective? Share your thoughts below!