AITA for saying I don’t like my friend’s boyfriend, which caused him to lose a job opportunity?
A Redditor recounts a situation where they expressed discomfort about their friend’s boyfriend, Jamie, ahead of a job interview their roommate was conducting for him.
Jamie is known for making offensive comments, and though the Redditor didn’t push their roommate to take any action, their remarks led to Jamie being treated unfavorably during the interview process.
Now, their friend Natalie is angry, accusing them of ruining Jamie’s job opportunity. Did the Redditor cross a line by sharing their feelings, or was it fair to voice concerns about Jamie’s behavior? Read the full story below and decide.
‘ AITA for saying I don’t like my friend’s boyfriend, which caused him to lose a job opportunity?’
I (27) have a friend, Natalie, who has a boyfriend, Jamie. Jamie is a complete j**k. He’s one of those people who makes bellow the belt jokes and then calls you sensitive if you don’t find it funny. In the 18 months I have known him he has called Natalie fat, “average”, boring to her face too many times to count.
He has called many of our mutual friend rude and demeaning things, and has purposefully antagonised me on many occasions. We all put up with him because if we don’t we’d never see Natalie but he really is the b**t of every joke, and a walking cliché.
My roommate Harry recently had a job come up in his company that Natalie asked him to interview Jamie for. Harry is part of our wider friendship group (his friend is dating one of the girls in our group), and has met Jamie but not really spent much time with him so thought he was an alright guy.
I decided to keep out of it because I know Jamie has been unemployed for a while and it has really affected Natalie. However, when Harry mentioned he was going to do the interview at our apartment, he could see I was uncomfortable.
I didn’t mention anywhere near the extent of Jamie’s behaviour, just said he’d made a couple of demeaning remarks to/about me and I wasn’t overly keen on being around when he was. I told Harry not to do anything about this, and that he should hire the best person for the job.
Harry went through with the interview, but he made Jamie do a lot of prep work and a presentation to other employees and then made the interview extremely long for no reason. Then at the end he said he wasn’t going to hire him.
Jamie got mad at Natalie over it and she got mad at me, saying I shouldn’t have said anything about Jamie knowing how great the job would be and how hard it is to get jobs in the field. On top of that, I should have been sensitive to his unemployment and that I’m ignorant to how difficult the job market is.
She’s now not speaking to me, and our friends are divided. Two think I shouldn’t have said anything, because Jamie really needs the work and ultimately it would have been helping Natalie. One friend thinks it’s fair that I expressed not wanting Jamie in my home, and that I owed it to Harry to tell him because Jamie is an HR problem waiting to happen.
On the one hand, yes, his off the clock behaviour shouldn’t cost Jamie a job, but on the other hand, why should I have to cover up for the way Jamie is? If honesty makes him looks bad then maybe that’s his problem.
Then again, I guess it was some pretty petty antics that had real life consequences so maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m not sure whether I should apologise. ETA – for everyone asking how it got out that I told Harry.
Jamie went home and went off on Natalie about him not getting the job, as it was basically a lock with Harry doing it as a favour to Nat. She figured the only person who would have changed Harry’s mind about doing her the favour was me, so she called and I ended up telling her the truth. She then told everyone else.
Edit 2: for everyone who missed it in the post, Harry and I are *ROOMMATES* so my home is his home. Harry has a home office and works out of that office most days. He conducts meetings from there all the time which is normally fine because I know all his employees really well. He did not end up having the interview with Jamie at the apartment, he had it at the registered company office.
Check out how the community responded:
RMaua − NTA. It is likely that Harry didn’t make the interview extremely long “for no reason” he did it to test Jamie on the things that came up in your conversation. To see if your passing comments were just you having a personality conflict with a nice guy or if the things you mentioned would be issues in his work.
It is likely that the interactions with other employees was to see if others got an uncomfortable vibe. Most people can put on a good front for a short interview. Putting them in more real world situations shakes people out of their ‘best behaviour’ so you can see who they would actually be on the job.
You did nothing wrong. Jamie only has himself to blame for not getting the job. The fact that he got angry at Natalie because *he* didn’t get a job tells you a lot about someone not taking responsibility for their own actions.
That kind of behaviour would totally come up in interactions with his potential co-workers and likely had more to do with why Jamie didn’t get the job than anything you said. If he had got the job he would likely have failed his probation period anyway.
SadFlatworm1436 − NTA you said his “off the clock” behaviour shouldnt cost him a job but he only got this opportunity because of your friendship group so, unfortunately for him, his off the clock behaviour is a known factor for the employer ….
it’s his own attitude that has cost him this loss of job. Plus, why is your home being used for an interview location ? That’s just weird and you have every right to protect your home and keep it a safe space for you.
rmric0 − NTA. The first rule of getting a job through networking is to make sure you haven’t burned all your bridges.
naraitb − NTA. Like your friend said, Jamie would eventually be an HR problem. And this would also make Harry look bad.
In real life, people have consequences for their acts, saying and personality too.
BeterP − NTA. His extended friends’ circle got him the job opportunity in the first place. Then he shouldn’t complain that his off-the-clock behavior plays a part.
Daughter_of_Dusk − NTA, you simply said you two don’t get along. Harry had no reason to make the interview extra hard over something that could be easily due to personal incompatibility (unless you gave him details).
And how do you know that Harry made the interview long for no reason and that the prep work and presentation weren’t necessary? Have you witnessed other interviews in the past? Did Harry tell you he did it on purpose? It could just be that interviews in their field are like that because they need to test different skills.
When I applied for my current job, they made me spend a day in the office with my colleagues to see how we interacted. If I hadn’t passed the vibe check, they wouldn’t have hired me.
Marple1102 − NTA. How you represent yourself outside of work is really important to most employers. You see it all the time when someone has been let go due to atrocious behavior being recorded outside of the workplace.
If you didn’t like him for some random, dumb reason, that would be one thing. But he has made really inappropriate comments that would most likely land him in hot water and get him fired anyway.
OnlymyOP − NTA, Using his “off the clock” behavior is probably the best way to judge what type of employee Jamie would be.
MasRemlap − NTA. You were asked for an opinion and gave it. It sounds like you were either gonna cost Jamie a job or give Harry a nightmare of an employee to work with. They can think what they wan’t, if he didn’t act like a d**k, you wouldn’t think he was a d**k – it really is that simple.
BetweenWeebandOtaku − NTA. Play a**hole games, win a**hole prizes.
Was the Redditor justified in sharing their concerns about Jamie’s behavior with their roommate, or should they have kept quiet to avoid affecting his job prospects? How do you handle situations where a friend’s partner is causing friction in your social circle? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!