AITA for saying a girl was responsible for her own actions after she claimed she was sexually assaulted?

A Redditor shares a controversial perspective on a friend’s account of a coworker who claimed she was sexually assaulted after a night out at a bar. The Redditor questions the woman’s role in the situation, pointing out that she went to the bar alone, engaged in flirty behavior, and accepted drinks from a man before later labeling the encounter as assault.

This perspective leads to a falling out with their friend Carlos, who is outraged by the Redditor’s comments. Read the original story below to examine the complexities surrounding consent, accountability, and societal expectations in such situations.

‘ AITA for saying a girl was responsible for her own actions after she claimed she was sexually assaulted?’

I (37F) have a friend “Carlos” (24M) who recently told me this story and we are no longer talking, partially because of my reaction. Carlos’ story is that his coworker (24F) went out to a local bar, that their group of friends frequents, by herself one night. One of the regulars introduced himself to her and they sat at the bar all night while he bought her drinks and they chatted 1 on 1.

By the end of the night, they had gotten flirty and ended up making out and apparently he was kissing her neck a whole bunch. The next day, this girl comes to work and tells the whole staff that this man sexually assaulted her. Carlos decides to go to the bar after their shift with a group of 2 other women, and sure enough, the regular comes over to introduce himself to the group and offer them some drinks.

At this point, Carlos smugly tells me how he threatened to break the man’s jaw if he ever spoke to his friends again. Then he mentioned how his coworker who was claiming assaults boyfriend agreed it was the right thing to do as well. That’s when I interrupted the story and went…

“Wait… So your friend, who has a boyfriend, went to a bar alone and let this man buy her drinks all night? Why?” He responds: “She wanted free drinks”. I continue.. “So she drank with this man all night, they eventually end up kissing, and she never told him she wasn’t interested whatsoever.

But now the next day, that she regrets her actions and realizes she’s a c**ater, suddenly it’s sexual a**ault and this guy is a c**ep? And everyone agrees with her? Then you decided the best course of action was to go over there and threaten him with physical a**ault?”

At that point he got really upset and told me that I better not playing f**king devils advocate and threatened to leave if I said another word about it. A few days later I ended up telling him that I don’t see us being friends anymore because I was appalled at everyone in that story and it’s not the kind of company I want to keep.

But now I can’t help but stop and think am I actually victim blaming here? I know I personally would never let someone buy me a drink if I wasn’t interested, let alone drink with them all night. And even if I did, I would at least tell them I’m not interested if they tried to kiss me.

Furthermore, any time I’m out drinking (especially alone) if I feel like I’ve hit my limit of being too drunk, I’ll put myself in a cab home. She gave him green light signals all night and not one red light signal. How is this man supposed to know she’s just using him for free drinks at that point? It’s not like he force fed her drinks, or spiked or drink, or didn’t listen when she said no, or anything like that. This all seems like common sense to me, but part of me is wondering if I’m just being an a**hole here…

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

obsidian_resident −  Was the a**ault mutual making out in public or did something happen after they left?

ReddictatorsEaTD1cks −  Just have a story to tell that might be useful. When I was like 20, I hooked up with this girl. Didn’t know her and didn’t know she had a BF. She instigated everything. The next morning, I dropped her off, then my phone started blowing up a few hours later. It was her BF and he was telling me he was going to kill me for raping his GF.

Basically, someone saw us together and told her BF. She said I raped her to deflect blame from having cheated on her BF. I’m not saying this is what happened in your story, but if people saw them making out in public, odds are good she wasn’t sexually assaulted and she’s just trying to play the same card the girl in my story played.

Holiday-Squash7279 −  The mental gymnastics being played here to absolve someone of accountability based on the details you were given is baffling. It’s like the commenters are manufacturing details to fit a narrative of SA that they themselves don’t know what actually happened.

Based on info you were given, NTA, and your evaluation of the situation is exactly the evaluation I’d give as well. All of this was taking place in front of the bartenders and patrons; no one thought to stop her or him from making a bad decision?

Actively making out with someone isn’t consent? In what world? This whole “fear” thing is a fallacy. Put your adult pants on and say no. Period. Especially in a public place where people can take action and keep you safe. Not wake up the next morning thinking “oh s**t, I cheated, how do I get out of this? Oh right, I was assaulted.”

Ckannon −  Based on the details you’ve provided it sounds like she regretted cheating so she said he assaulted her.

ButtPlugJesus −  INFO: You said “she never told him she wasn’t interested whatsoever”. Can you provide more details on this? Where you heard it or how you know?

Sometimesomwhere −  There are not enough details here. Nothing that you’ve provided indicates that she was not assaulted. What exactly happened that made it be labeled a**ault? Consent can be withdrawn at any point. Kissing and drinking does not automatically equal consent for other actions.

Traditional_Crew6617 −  This story is old as hell, but we will go with it. DISCLAIMER – I am NOT victim shaming here. I also do not take sexual a**ault lightly. I am simply saying in this particular case only Im sorry, call me the a**hole of the group, but seeing as I have a friend who fell victim to this, im gonna say it.

Not all women who claim to be sexually assaulted are telling the truth. This lady hit it right on the nose. The woman got drunk(used in the drinks) they made out. She sobered up and realized she fucked up and just in case her BF found out, it because sexual assaukt.

NO WHERE in this story does it indicate that he did something she didn’t want him to do. I am so tired of this believe all women crap. One night, about 15 years ago. A huge group of friends and i were out camping and partying it up. This dude and his girl got into a screaming match, and he left. She proceeded to drink and get drunk.

She ended up hooking up with my friend/ co-worker Ronn. The next day cops came and hooked him up and told him he was under arrest for rape. Natuarlly, we were mind blown, but i knew better. So i went to get our friends together so we could bail him out, and they refused. They weren’t going to help a rapist.

I went into my savings because i knew better. Ronn isn’t that guy. So he goes through a whole court battle. Zero proof of rape and somehow still get convicted.. he sat a month in prison. 3 weeks in protective custody because it was leaked into his block that he was a rapist. At the end of the month. Thjs b**ch grows a conscience all of a sudden and comes clean.

The next day after the party. She had a hicky on her neck. The boyfriend saw it and was going to d**p her, and she cried rape. The boyfriend forced her to press charges. To this very day, after it was all over the place that he was innocent, he still gets the side eye and it’s hard for him tobgrt a job.

A place to live and so on. This b**ch(and i do nean b**ch) damn near ruinned his life. He did nothing wrong and still pays for it, and that b**ch had nothing happen to her except filing a false police report. So no, i do not believe all women. That is just absurd

HolyAssholiness −  NTA from me. Your reaction was spot-on and that girl is a POS. She was worried that someone saw her and she had no problem claiming a**ault, and destroying that guy’s reputation, if the reward was free drinks and a salvaged relationship.

Bitter_Cook3546 −  NTA. Sounds like she consented the entire time and regretted it in the morning.

CryotoPotatoCasino −  Moral of the story I’m seeing from these comments is.. Cheat on your boyfriend, drink with another guy, kiss him ! Then next day claim it was SA, and OP is victim blaming… Yeah wonderful job reddit.. ​ The only thing from this story was that, they had drinks together, were flirting, and they made out at the bar! ( a girl whose BF was home), then the next day the story goes she was SA……

Do you think the Redditor was wrong for questioning the coworker’s actions and drawing a line between consent and responsibility, or is it important to consider the complexities of each situation without placing blame on the victim? How would you navigate conversations about sensitive topics like consent and accountability? Share your thoughts below!