AITA for ruining tradition?

A Reddit user shares that every year, their extended family has a tradition of going out for lunch at a brewery before Christmas. Over the years, the lunch has grown larger with more and more people invited, many of whom the user doesn’t know or enjoy spending time with. This year, two people were invited whom the user cannot stand because they constantly insult him and his wife.

After being overruled on not inviting them, the user decided to skip the lunch entirely, which led to accusations of ruining tradition. The user is now questioning whether they were wrong for opting out of the lunch. Read the full story below to see what happened!

‘ AITA for ruining tradition?’

Every year before Christmas, my whole extended family gathers at our parents’ house for one reason or another. My brothers and sister and cousins are scattered around the East Coast, so it’s very seldom we all are in one place at one time.

During this visit, it’s tradition that the grown children (my generation) go out to a brewery or something and have lunch. Just us and spouses. Over the past few years, the lunch has grown. Friends are invited, spouses friends are invited, friends that just happen to be in town are invited or invite themselves. None by me because I enjoy the time seeing my siblings and cousins since it’s fairly scarce.. While I’ve made my thoughts known, I get mocked for being too uptight or not going with the flow. “Invite some friends then if you’re unhappy”. Not the point IMO.

This year, two people are invited that I cannot stand. They never miss a moment to get a dig or insult in towards me or my wife. Just not good people. While I have a fairly thick skin, I feel like, as a grown ass person, I don’t really need that. So after I got overruled on the invite, I said I was bailing on the lunch.

You guys go ahead and enjoy, no big deal, my wife and I will make other arrangements or do something else. Now I’m ruining tradition apparently. Am I the a**hole for blowing this up? Should I just suffer through this another year to keep the peace?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

SoImaRedditUserNow −  I certainly don’t think you’re an a**hole. I mean, I assume that people know of your dislike for those 2 “friends” of your family. Given that they also know your feelings on non family attending, seems likely that these 2 new folks were invited purely to p**s you off. I’d do exactly what you did. They are the ones that broke tradition when they started bringing non-family to a family tradition. Also they are the ones that made a choice. They chose these other folks over you and yours. NTA.

peggingpinhead −  NTA. but I would make it clear that you bailed because someone invited bullies to brunch, not because your suggestion was overruled. It’s an important distinction.

eowynsheiress −  NTA. Good for you. The rules of the “tradition” changed since it is no longer just the family. So really, they broke the tradition and you are just moving on.

FrostBytez1 −  NTA. The tradition has already been ruined when “friends and spouses friends” were invited.   And no, you should not suffer just to please someone else. Maybe you should tell your family how you feel about those people and that they are the reason you do not want to come. And see what the answer will be. Hope you and your wife will have a wonderful Christmas!

Opposite_Ad_5337 −  NTA. Once people started inviting non-family members the tradition was broken. Start your own tradition, you’ll be happier for it.

glossolalienne −  NTA. “Well, the tradition seems to be turning a blind eye while your guests harass and belittle me and my family. That’s a tradition I’m perfectly happy to ruin.”

LowBalance4404 −  NTA. I’ve recently reached an age and a point in my life where I’m done doing what other people expect, keeping up traditions that cause anxiety/being uncomfortable, and I’m certainly not going anywhere to dine with bullies.

ArcherBarcher31 −  NTA. You’re under no obligation to sit through what sounds like would be a very unpleasant experience for you.

TooTallBrawl1919 −  NTA. What tradition? It seems like your family put a stop to the tradition a while ago opening it up to anyone and every one. It’s now a come if you want to lunch gathering. You and your wife do not want to go which is perfectly acceptable.

mumtaz2004 −  Surely you can visit with the people you DO want to see outside of this particular lunch? I don’t blame you for not wanting to be around two people you can’t stand. I assume they are not cousins. If the cousins insist upon breaking tradition and inviting non-cousins to the event then they run the risk of some of the cousins also breaking tradition and not attending said event.

Also, a variety of cousins who do not like the aforementioned crappy people can create their own simultaneous or subsequent/prior event with people they DO want to see. Enjoy! NTA.