AITA For Ruining My Parent’s Friendship?

A 15-year-old Redditor shares her experience of a family dinner that led to the end of her parents’ 20-year friendship. Diagnosed with anorexia nervosa at 11, the teen is navigating recovery with her parents’ support.

But a family friend, “Alice,” criticized her recovery journey and her parents’ choices, sparking a heated argument. Alice ultimately severed ties with the family. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA For Ruining My Parent’s Friendship?’

I (15F) was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa over 3.5 years ago now. A family friend (60F), who I will refer to as Alice, is now calling me spoiled and attention seeking, stating that I have carried on this way for attention. I was 11 when I was diagnosed, and because I was/am still growing, the weight gain has been slow.

Although the net gain has been decent, my increase in height negates it, so although I have made lots of progress, my stature is similar. It am also a very active kid and participate in 5 sports. Additionally, everyone in my family is very athletic and fairly slim. Nobody is denying that I am working towards a healthier weight, but my natural body type is on the small side.

Last week, Alice and her husband, whom I’ll call Dave, came over, as my mom felt bad that it had been so long since we had last seen them. My family has always eaten fairly healthy, with balanced meals, allowing for treats, with a good outlook on food.

Although I am working with a dietician, I was still not open to trying the falafel my mom had made, and upon speaking with her, we decided to fall back on a safer and easier meal while we had company over. My mom let Alice and Dave know this over text, but they didn’t respond before arriving.

I sat down with my plate of sourdough, broccoli cheddar soup, and lemonade. Alice is aware of my circumstances, but still remarked in a moment of silence “Wow. You were never allowed to eat all of that as a child. Why don’t you just eat falafel, it’s delish.” I shook my head no, and forced another bite of soup.

Not only was that untrue, but I was trying my hardest to eat a good meal. “It must be hard for your family, how inflexible you are. I feel sorry for them.” she proceeded. my mom and I exchanged looks and her face grew red. My mom explained that this is what works for me at this point and Alice stated that I was “stretching out my ED because I liked the attention I got.”

She began flaming my parents for enabling it, not giving me enough attention as a child, and for my body size, stating that I looked no different than I did when I got diagnosed, and that she could put on 10 lbs easily, so I could be done with this if I wanted to be.”

I left the table because I now could not force myself to eat my dinner. Alice seemed to go back to normal once I left, trying to make small talk with my parents. I finally came back downstairs and 1.5 hours later. My mom was desperate to get calories into me.

She poured a glass of chocolate milk so I could sip it without thinking hard, as I was distressed, but Alice frowned and said that she could not condone my mom and dad’s parenting style by keeping their friendship. She asked me how I felt that my “refusals and inflexibility” ended a 20 year friendship.

I feel bad that I was the central focus of the argument, but my parents said that I am always their priority. They haven’t spoken to Alice or Dave since, stating that they do not plan to unless they reach out first. Am I the a**hole?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

fallingintopolkadots −  NTA. Honey, this isn’t your fault. Alice and Dave ruined their relationship with your parents by treating you, their daughter, horribly. Alice is a pretty horrible and twisted person for trying to pin the ending of the friendship on you, a child, when she is the one who decided to end it. Nope, nope, nope.

DinaFelice −  NTA. It sounds like your parents really tried to give Alice a chance to not be an AH, but she repeatedly refused the opportunity. Her behavior would have been inexcusably rude even if you *hadn’t* had an eating disorder. But given your ED, it makes her a sadistic AH.

I’m willing to give your parents a little leeway (emotionally, it’s very difficult to completely close the door on a relationship with someone you care about), but they really should have set a boundary with her earlier.

If they had immediately and clearly said, “Do *not* talk to OP in that fashion. If you have a problem with my parenting choices, you can bring that up *privately* with me, but under no circumstances am I going to allow you to criticize my daughter.

Now, can you adhere to that, or do we need to cut this short?” there would have been a better chance for them to preserve the friendship. But since they were unable to set that boundary, they allowed Alice to continue until she completely destroyed their friendship.

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. Alice poked her nose into things that were none of her business. This isn’t about you. She criticized and insulted your parents. It’s not your actions that broke their friendship, it’s her needing to be right and blaming the kid who couldn’t fight back for her own disrespect to your parents.

She’s the one being inflexible. No wonder your parents are in no hurry to contact Alice and Dave. They’re (your parents are) owed an abject apology before even considering talking to them.. Edit: clarification.

RoswellRedux −  NTA. Alice decided to take the mask off and let her bi–h flag fly. Even if Alice and Dave reach out to your mom first, they should just be told to have a nice life and move on.

Alice was looking for an excuse to punish your mom for something and decided to use you. there’s probably a really good reason why she and your mom haven’t seen each other for a while. Wish her a happy life and forget her.

OhmsWay-71 −  NTA. These are not people your mom should even have in her life. They have no right to judge. Let them go. Let your parents be free from their judgments. Well done for finding a way through this.

Alternative-Row812 −  You are absolutely NTA. Alice’s behavior was truly bonkers. Just flat our cruel. And you did nothing to end their friendship. They decided that all on their own. TBH, I think your parents will be better off without them.

loseit_throwit −  NTA and Alice should really consider minding the business that pays her.

No_Philosopher_1870 −  NTA. Alice ended the friendship, not you.

ToriBethATX −  NTA. Looks like you might have found one of the triggers to your ED, if not THE trigger. While your parents should have reacted sooner and first by kicking those fake friends out the moment Alice started in on you, she is the one that nuked the friendship. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Even if Alice and Dave were to come back to your parents AND to you with honest and heartfelt apologies, there is no way the friendship will ever return to what it was. Again, that’s entirely on Alice, and on Dave for not stopping her and shutting it down.

Unfortunately they aren’t going to be the last people in your life that will try to pull this, but by having a few rebuttals in your back pocket you may at least be able to shut it down. Otherwise just leave the situation,

and DON’T return until the source is gone (In this case, you should have slipped out to grab a snack and immediately returned to your room until Alice and Dave left, at which point you could come out and complete your meal in peace and safety). If somewhere in public, leave and go elsewhere (home, another restaurant, another locale).

The important thing is to remove yourself from the problem (and possibly even toxic) situation and make yourself feel safe and comfortable. By the way, your meal sounds absolutely yum! Only way it would have sounded better is if the sourdough was a bread bowl (easy cleanup since you eat the bowl too 😄). Some rebuttals:

Putting on the weight: “How nice that your body type and specifically your slower metabolism allows you to gain weight so easily! Unfortunately mine doesn’t. I admit I’ll be grateful for my faster metabolism since that should help prevent me from become obese in my adulthood without struggling.

Menu choices: “This is part of my doctor prescribed diet. As of now, my doctor still believes that I am not clear of my problem and until my doctor clears me I will stick to the recommended diet religiously.” Alternatively: “I’m just not in the mood for [dish] today. I’m choosing to eat something that is part of my doctor prescribed diet however,

which I’m sticking to religiously until my doctor tells me otherwise.” Using your diagnosis for sympathy: “Why bless your heart (do this in full on southern style). You ought to be thankful you’ve never been diagnosed with an [technically] incurable condition that you’ll fight for the rest of your life, even after you appear to be healthy.”

bamf1701 −  NTA. You didn’t end the friendship – Alice did. She was the one who criticized you and was rude to you for no reason when she was a guest in your house, and would not let the topic go. A true friend of your parents would not b**ly their child like that,

nor would they make such blatant insults about their parenting Your parents are 100% right about you being their priority – a parent’s most important job is the safety of their child. Nothing else goes before that. In fact, your parents failed you by not shutting down Alice as soon as she started b**lying you.

Alice’s dig about your “refusals and inflexibility” is a b**ly’s way of trying to turn blame for their actions onto their victim so they can look innocent. Don’t fall for it – you are 100% innocent in this. To be honest, your parents should probably not talk to Alice or Dave again – they are horrible people.

Recovery from an eating disorder is a delicate process, and insensitive comments can deeply impact progress. Was Alice’s blunt approach justified in expressing concern, or was it overstepping and harmful? Should the Redditor feel responsible for her parents’ friendship ending, or is this on Alice? Share your thoughts below!