AITA for “ruining” my mum’s engagement party after she abandoned me when I was 11?

Family relationships can be as beautiful as they are complicated—especially when past hurts resurface during major life events. In this case, a 17-year-old boy shares his bitter experience of feeling abandoned by his mum when he was just 11, a wound that still cuts deep today. His mum, once a strict and overbearing presence in his life,

essentially signed him over to his dad after a heated fight in which he told her he hated her. That painful moment set off years of estrangement, poor grades, and misbehavior. As his mum tried to move on by building a new family with her partner Paul, the scars of the past continued to fester.

At a recent engagement party for his mum and Paul, he decided to confront her about what he sees as her continued rejection of him. In a moment of raw emotion, he hurled harsh words—accusing her of replacing him with “the little brats” and ruining her own celebration. His outburst not only shocked the guests but also left his family divided, raising the question: was he justified in speaking his truth, or did he go too far?

‘AITA for “ruining” my mum’s engagement party after she abandoned me when I was 11?’

Family dynamics experts note that unresolved childhood abandonment can cast a long shadow over one’s emotional well-being. (Dr. Laura Markham), a well-known psychologist featured on Aha! Parenting, states, “When children feel abandoned by a parent, the resulting emotional scars can influence their behavior and relationships well into adulthood.” In this situation, the teenager’s outburst at his mum’s engagement party is less an act of spite and more a desperate cry for acknowledgment and healing.

(Dr. Markham) explains that while it is natural for parents to evolve and form new bonds after separation, it is equally important for them to validate their child’s feelings and work towards genuine reconciliation. “A healthy family relationship isn’t built on erasure of the past or on forcing a new identity on the child,” she says. The teen’s declaration that he would rather have his biological dad than see his mum replace him with new family members reflects a deep-seated need for belonging and recognition.

Furthermore, Dr. Markham advises that such emotional confrontations, though painful, are often a necessary step towards healing if all parties are willing to engage in open communication. “It is essential,” she adds, “for the parent to acknowledge the pain of abandonment, even if the child’s words are harsh.

Only then can genuine understanding and rebuilding of trust begin.” In this case, while the boy’s delivery may have been hurtful, his underlying feelings of neglect and abandonment deserve to be addressed rather than dismissed.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

One redditor, neogeshel, commented, “This is above the pay grade of this sub. You are a child and she is an adult. Your mom needs to do the emotional work to heal, and if she can’t, you need to focus on yourself. I’m sorry you feel abandoned. NTA.” This sentiment highlights the view that the responsibility for healing lies primarily with the parent.

This story shines a harsh light on the long-term effects of parental abandonment and the complex dynamics of blended families. While the teenager’s explosive words at the engagement party may have hurt those present, they also serve as a stark reminder of the deep emotional wounds that were never properly healed. His desire to reclaim his identity and assert his feelings of neglect is valid,

yet it also underscores the need for open, honest dialogue between him and his mum. What do you think—should past abandonment always be met with such raw confrontation, or can there be a path to healing that involves understanding and forgiveness? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others facing similar family challenges.