AITA for “ruining” my mom’s Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a day of warmth, gratitude, and family togetherness—but what happens when old patterns and unresolved tensions turn a beloved holiday into a battleground? In this story, a 34‑year‑old daughter explains how years of her mom’s indecision forced her to make alternative plans.

For too long, she and her sister had been waiting for a clear invitation from their high‑strung, high‑maintenance mom. Instead, when the time came, she chose to celebrate with her fiancé’s family—a decision that set off a cascade of hurt feelings, dramatic FaceTime scenes, and a public Facebook post accusing her of “ruining” Thanksgiving.

In the aftermath, while her own Thanksgiving turned out to be joyful and stress‑free, the fallout from that fateful phone call and subsequent social media exchange has left lasting wounds. Was she really the one at fault, or was her mom simply reaping the consequences of years of inaction? Let’s dive into the details of this family saga.

‘ AITA for “ruining” my mom’s Thanksgiving?’

This alternative plan wasn’t an act of spite; it was a protective measure against the emotional toll of waiting for clarity that never came. Family therapist Dr. Laura Markham explains, “When you set clear boundaries with love, you empower both yourself and your family to grow in healthy ways.”

Her words resonate strongly here. For this daughter, establishing boundaries was essential to safeguard her own well‑being and that of her children. After years of being left in limbo by a mom who could never commit to concrete plans, choosing a more reliable environment was a necessary step—even if it meant disappointing her mother.

Moreover, the public airing of grievances through FaceTime and a subsequent Facebook post only magnified the conflict. Public confrontation rarely paves the way for healing; instead, it tends to entrench both parties deeper into their respective positions.

While the daughter did spend her lunch break trying to soothe her mother, the response was met with further accusations and emotional blackmail. This pattern of behavior is typical of manipulative dynamics where one person leverages guilt to maintain control.

Dr. Markham’s perspective highlights that healthy relationships depend on mutual respect and clear communication. In situations where one family member consistently fails to take responsibility for their role, it is perfectly reasonable to opt for alternative plans.

By choosing not to be a mind reader and by setting firm expectations—like promising to visit only after an invitation has been made—the daughter was, in effect, demanding accountability. Although her actions hurt her mom, they were a long‑awaited call for change, aiming to break a cycle of unfulfilled promises and emotional dependency.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit: