AITA for ruining my daughters life?

Ever navigated the emotional roller coaster of parenting a preteen? One moment, your eleven-year-old is happily chatting with friends, the next, she’s accusing you of “ruining her life” over a gadget upgrade. In a world saturated with technology and social media, it’s no surprise that kids often compare themselves with their peers, feeling left out if they don’t own the latest device.

But does that mean we, as parents, should always give in?Today’s story revolves around a father who wants to get his daughter a solid but more budget-friendly iPhone 13—while she insists on the shiny, top-tier iPhone 15 Pro Max. The daughter views the 15 Pro Max as a must-have for gaming and social media, her parents see it as an excessive expense. Tensions rise. Whose perspective should carry the day, and at what cost to family harmony?

‘AITA for ruining my daughters life?’

Sometimes, saying “no” can feel like the hardest part of parenthood. Especially when faced with a teary-eyed 11-year-old claiming that everyone in her class has a better phone. But setting boundaries early on is crucial, says child psychologist Dr. Michele Borba, author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World.

She explains that “children who learn the value of limits and delayed gratification often show better resilience and emotional health.” In other words, hearing “no” isn’t always a bad thing. When kids demand state-of-the-art tech, it’s typically more than just wanting the latest gadget. It can represent social status, peer acceptance, and a desire to fit in.

A new iPhone can become a symbol: “I’m keeping up with my friends.” However, as parents, it’s also our job to consider budget, practicality, and the lessons we’re teaching. Handing over an expensive phone on demand might unintentionally reinforce entitlement, suggesting all you need to do is complain loudly enough, and voilà—wish granted.

Beyond financial considerations, letting an 11-year-old roam freely on social media can pose other questions. Studies have repeatedly shown that early, unmonitored social media use may negatively impact mental health. While some level of digital interaction is almost inevitable these days, ensuring children are mature enough to handle online interactions is key.

That could mean putting parental controls in place, setting strict time limits, or even waiting until your child is older to access certain platforms.Finally, if the child is a gamer, it’s worth exploring alternatives: a budget-friendly console or an older, reliable phone plus a dedicated gaming device might be a better long-term strategy.

Encouraging kids to earn part of the cost—through chores, allowances, or a small side hustle (like walking neighbors’ dogs)—can instill a healthy respect for money. Dr. Borba suggests that “when children work for and finance part of what they want, they learn the true value of each dollar spent.” So while your daughter may dream of console-level gaming on a 15 Pro Max, standing firm on a more reasonable phone teaches invaluable life lessons she’ll appreciate down the road.

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When it comes to raising kids in a tech-driven world, choices aren’t always black and white. Striking a balance between meeting your child’s needs and setting healthy boundaries can be tricky. What do you think? Is the father right to say “no,” or should he consider his daughter’s argument? Let’s hear your thoughts—what would you do in this situation?