AITA for rolling my eyes at my boyfriend’s proposal because it took 25 years of me begging?

When decades of unfulfilled promises finally catch up with you, even a proposal can feel tainted by past grievances. Our OP, a 52‑year‑old woman, has spent 30 years with her now 53‑year‑old boyfriend, navigating the ups and downs of a long‑term relationship that was always meant to culminate in marriage. For years, she begged for an engagement and a wedding, but her pleas were met with empty promises, gaslighting, and postponements.

Now, after a lifetime of waiting, her boyfriend finally proposes—only for her to roll her eyes in response. His proposal comes with talk of retirement, downsizing, and a future of leisure, but to her, it’s a stark reminder that he never truly committed to making their relationship a priority.

Instead, his actions feel like a final act of stalling after 25 years of neglecting her desires. With their adult children grown and memories of missed opportunities hanging in the balance, she wonders if her reaction makes her the asshole or if it’s a justified response to a lifetime of broken promises.

‘AITA for rolling my eyes at my boyfriend’s proposal because it took 25 years of me begging?’

When long‑standing unmet emotional needs surface during major life events, it can lead to reactions that may seem harsh but are often rooted in deep-seated pain. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her insights on relationship dynamics, explains, “When one partner feels consistently ignored or devalued for decades, even a long-awaited milestone like a proposal can trigger an outburst that reflects years of pent‑up frustration.” (kidshealth.org) In this case,

the OP’s eye roll was not merely a reaction to the proposal itself; it was a manifestation of decades of feeling dismissed. Dr. Durvasula emphasizes that healthy relationships require ongoing communication and shared goals, and when one partner’s needs are continually overlooked, resentment builds. “If you’re repeatedly told your desire to commit isn’t important, it’s understandable that you’d eventually stop caring about formalizing the relationship,” she adds.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson further advises that, “When a partner resorts to passive‑aggressive behavior or sarcasm to express their hurt, it’s a clear sign that the underlying issues have not been resolved. In such cases, an ultimatum or a blunt statement may be the only way to force a meaningful conversation.” The OP’s reaction, though seemingly dismissive, reflects a deep emotional wound that has festered over decades, leaving her with little patience for further delay.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Many redditors empathize with the OP’s frustration, stating that after 25 years of empty promises, her reaction was completely understandable. “If you’re constantly told ‘maybe someday’ and nothing ever changes, an eye roll is a natural response,” one commenter noted.

Ultimately, the OP’s reaction—rolling her eyes at her boyfriend’s proposal—stems from a lifetime of unmet emotional needs and repeated dismissals. While some may see it as a moment of callousness, many agree that after 25 years of begging for a commitment that never came, her response is a reflection of deep-seated frustration.

Is it fair for a partner to expect lifelong promises to be fulfilled after years of neglect? Or do we sometimes have to let our genuine pain speak for itself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in this emotionally complex situation?