AITA for revealing to my dad’s wife the real reason why me and him were never close?

A Reddit user revealed the painful truth to their estranged father’s wife about why they were never close. The user’s father blamed them for their mother’s death during childbirth and emotionally neglected them for years. When the father, at his wife’s urging, tried to reconnect, he downplayed their estrangement as a trivial misunderstanding.

Feeling hurt by the dishonesty, the user shared the real story, which shocked the wife and jeopardized their marriage. Now, family members accuse the user of going too far and potentially ruining their father’s chance at happiness.

‘ AITA for revealing to my dad’s wife the real reason why me and him were never close?’

My dad practically gave me up to his sister from the moment I (27M) was born. My mom died when she was giving birth to me. And my aunt told me he never recovered from that because he blamed me for her dying. It hurt a lot as a kid that at family events he would ignore my existence.

When I was a little older he got more vocal about me “killing” her and he can’t stand to look at my face. You can imagine the amount of therapy that put me in. I used to go to church crying because I was scared about going to hell for doing that to my mom. That’s how much his words fucked me up.

But the s**tty part was that I never stopped trying to be accepted by him. After my highschool graduation he told me to never bother him again since he legally has no obligation to me anymore (since he was sending my aunt money to take care of me).

Around that time is when I finally started accepting that reality so from there we moved on with our lives. My aunt doesn’t talk to me about him. Sometimes my grandparents do and that’s how I found out he got married. They were mad he didn’t invite me to their wedding but to me it didn’t matter because we’re not close.

But it was his wife who wanted to meet me. It’s the first time ever that he wants to make contact and it was to pretty much say she wants me on their life. She doesn’t know the real reason about why we’re estranged, he asked me to please not say anything and maybe this could be a way to reconcile after all.

But he was only doing it for her. That much was clear when we talked. I never said I would be he still insisted on us meeting at their place because she really wanted to meet me. All she thinks is we were estranged for not getting along in my teenager years, going to college and losing touch because of “life stuff.”

It pissed me off that he played it off as us just not talking for petty reasons meanwhile the actually reason damaged me for years. I told her the truth. Everything he said to me. That he was never a parent to me, that was all my aunt. It was definitely a shock for her. The outcome was a disaster. Everyone has heard about this now.

My grandma’s in particular told me she understands my anger. But this was his chance finding someone since losing my mom and now it’s been put in jeopardy.
My dad is devastated. They think it was going too far to ruin his marriage that way when he was willing to include me in their lives which could have been the start of our relationship.

And they say not only did I ruin that but also possibly wrecked his marriage. She just doesn’t agree at all with what he did and it could’ve been avoided if I didn’t say anything.

For me it was hard not to tell the truth after the lies made it seem like it was nothing serious. I couldn’t ignore what happened after what it did. Idk if it was the right call since it put their whole marriage at risk after all.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

unpopularcryptonite −  Dude, NTA. Your Dad is a Grade A double cheese a**hole from hell with a special topping of a**hole served with a**hole sauce. He deserves every bit of what happened to his second marriage because he presented himself as a different person than he is. I am sorry you had to go through this. I wish you strength and may you find more people who love you unconditionally.

lexkixass −  NTA. My mom died when she was giving birth to me. And my aunt told me he never recovered from that because he blamed me for her dying.
at family events he would ignore my existence. he got more vocal about me “killing” her, he can’t stand to look at my face.

All she thinks is we were estranged for not getting along in my teenager years, going to college and losing tough because of “life stuff.”. I told her the truth.. My dad is devastated.. Ah, karma. If the truth ruined his marriage, that’s on him. He should’ve gone to therapy after your mom died.

He instead treated you like s**t your whole life for something that could have never been your fault. Now he’s facing consequences beyond estrangement. Everyone should be pissed at his hiding the truth. But assholes always prefer to shoot the messenger.

Outrageous-Yogurt-80 −  NTA. She has the right to know the true man she married. Also, I am so sorry you had to endure all that. Your aunt sounds like an incredible person, and despite everything, I hope you are doing as well as you can be under the circumstances.

wildferalfun −  NTA. Saying you lost touch due to tumultuous times as a teenager and distance in college is making the fault of your estrangement mutual. It was not mutual. He lashed out with horrifying, inaccurate and traumatizing language throughout your childhood and abandoned you immediately after birth.

He is absolutely deserving of every complication his torment of you brings him. If he could not raise you or treat you with respect, he should have never associated with you. His wife was owed the truth because your trauma and a**ndonment were perpetuated up to and through their wedding.

He was not just someone who couldn’t raise their child due to his own trauma, he created trauma. He could have found love long ago if he wasn’t so hard hearted.

miyuki_m −  They think it was going too far to ruin his marriage that way when he was willing to include me in their lives He was only willing to include you in their lives on his terms and without acknowledging the trauma he caused or apologizing for being cruel to you by blaming you for your mother’s d**th.

If he truly wanted to have a closer relationship rather than just giving in to what his wife wanted, he needed to apologize and make amends. You were not responsible for your mother’s d**th and you are not responsible for your father’s behavior. The fact that she married a man who treated his own son so cruelly is upsetting to her and it should be. He made his bed. NTA.

gwie −  NTA.. Your dad ruined his own life.

[Reddit User] −  NTA did you dad not consider the fact that you might rain on his little party? The new wife…🚩🚩she never met you before they got married🚩🚩she kept insisting to meet you….hope she dumps him

engie_945 −  HEY you are NTA. He does not get to pick you up and parade you for the sake of his new wife like a toy. Absolutely not the a**hole here. You did the right thing telling her the truth.

Your dad was expecting you to lie about your life because he had lied about his his wife deserves to know who she is married to. I’m so sorry you have had this start in life.

ForwardPromise9974 −  NTA. He should have been honest with his new love about his a**ndonment. That’s a serious honesty fail.. ​ And how did he think you two were going to reconcile WITHOUT her finding out? When he can’t fill in the blanks in any stories from your childhood,

when there are no shared memories, no common experiences. . ? She’d have to be dumber than a bag of hammers to not figure out that this was not lining up with what she’d been led to believe.

Rolloftape23456 −  NTA That is something the new wife needed to know. It is a core part of who he is. If not the most important part of him. I feel terrible for the wife that everyone else allowed her to believe that lie