AITA for returning my daughter’s birthday cake after I discovered that my wife made changes to it?

A Reddit user shared a heated conflict with their wife over their daughter Olivia’s birthday cake. The wife secretly changed the cake flavor to accommodate her own daughter, Britney, sparking a major disagreement about fairness, compromise, and entitlement.

The user returned the altered cake and replaced it with Olivia’s favorite flavor, but their wife accused them of being selfish. Read the full story below and decide who was in the wrong.

‘ AITA for returning my daughter’s birthday cake after I discovered that my wife made changes to it?’

I (M37) have a daughter (now 13) “Olivia” from my former relationship. Currently, I’m married to my wife who has adaughter (16) “Britney”. So, Britney is the opposite of Olivia. for example, Britney s a social kid, Olivia is introvert. the list is long but they’re just the complete oposite. Olivia’s 13th birthday was 2 days ago.

She loves chocolate and I decided this is the flavor I was going to go with when I contacted the bakery. However, my wife objected since Britney absolutely hates chocolate and suggested we go with Vanilla. I said no way because for one,

Olivia hates vanilla and it’s also her birthday so, she gets to have her cake with her favorites flavor. My wife got upset and took it as in I had no regard for Britney and that we should just choose another netural flavor instead. I shut that down and said no more discussing this because I’d already decided to go with what Olivia wanted.

At the day of the birthday, I was supposed to go get the cake but I was surprised to see my wife coming home after picking up the cake from the bakery. I looked at it and discovered that it wasn’t a chocolate cake but a vanilla cake with small pieces of chocolate on top.

I got pissed thinking they got my order wrong and was about to contact them, but my wife said there was no mistake and that she called the bakery the day before and made “slight changes” to the cake to please both girls. I was stunned I lost it on her and asked why the hell she did that.

She got defensive saying that birthdays are no “excuse” to show favoritism and that her daughter is “watching” and “observing” how I’m treating both girls. I told her off since I was the one paying then called the bakery and explained what happened. I had the cake returned and replaced with a chocolate cake. although this one is smaller but it was fine.

My wife declined to take part in the celebration and later we got into a huge argument where she called me controlling and selfish for returing the cake instead of using this opportunity to teach Olivia to compromise so everyone’s happy. now I’m teaching her to be “selfish”.

I said that my daughter gets to act “selfish” on her birthday and that she (my wife) was teaching her daughter to be entitled. Word for word and it led to a bigger argument. We’re not talking as of now. AITA for returning the cake and not taking my wife’s input into consideration?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

[Reddit User] −  NTA It’s Olivia’s birthday, not Britney’s birthday. The cake should be the flavor of what the birthday kid wants. This is a special day for Olivia, therefore there doesn’t really need to be “fairness” between your daughters. I don’t like chocolate, but when it’s my sister’s birthday, we get chocolate because it’s what she likes.

I s**k it up because it’s *her* special day. Your wife is an a**hole for going behind your back. The cake was basically vanilla to make Britney happy, with tiny bits of chocolate for the birthday girl. Why can’t Britney learn to compromise? She’s older. And she should know that she can’t get what she wants on a day that’s NOT her birthday.

LetThemEatHay −  NTA. Your wife is projecting onto you, because *she* is the one showing favoritism. You signed up for this, OP. You signed your *daughter* up for this. Welcome to the wind-up.

Fire_or_water_kai −  NTA. But, OP, do you see the flags? A birthday cake is for the person who’s birthday it is. It’s not selfish or demeaning to get the person’s favorite flavor. Your step daughter could’ve had a vanilla cupcake. But, no, you’re wife made the point to go behind you back and change it for her daughter.

Your wife talks about how her daughter is observing how you treat her. So your daughter doesn’t matter? Your daughter would see a step mom who doesn’t give two shits about her. Hypocrisy much? You did well in changing the cake.

But you have way bigger problems in your home. The fact that she did this so flagrantly tells me she’s been messing with your kid for a while. You probably just caught on. Edited: a word.

borisslovechild −  NTA. Your wife is bonkers. Everyone is entitled to special treatment on their birthday. Your wife is acting entitled. She tried to present you with a fait accompli after not being able to persuade you to see it her way. She’s now trying to emotionally manipulate you.

I get that you paid for the cake but that’s less of an issue for me than the lack of respect both towards you and towards your daughter. She got defensive saying that birthdays are no “excuse” to show. favoritism and that her daughter is “watching” and “observing” how I’m. treating both girls.

The lesson that her daughter is learning is that her mother is entitled and her step-dad will stand up for those he loves. Provided you spoil Britney in the same way on her birthday, its all good.

No-Bus-5200 −  YIKES!! Your wife is the one showing favoritism by choosing a cake for **her** daughter while ignoring what **your** daughter wants for her own birthday. So yeah, her daughter is “watching” and “observing” to see if you let her mother run roughshod over you. How long have you been married?

Too late for an annulment? This woman is going to be a nightmare for your daughter

VictoryaChase −  Your wife has told you outright who she is and, I think she might have even said she knows she is mistreating your daughter. Especially with this line:
She got defensive saying that birthdays are no “excuse” to show favoritism and that her daughter is “watching” and “observing” how I’m treating both girls.

I have found, with abusive people, they often accuse you of doing what they are doing. Right here, she is randomly telling you that the daughters are seeing how you treat them – makes me think she knows Olivia sees the s**t she’s been pulling, stuff you haven’t seen, and knows she’s in the wrong so is totally putting it on you.

I would sit your daughter down for a heart to heart honest conversation and ask what she’s been going through since the marriage. Take her out to a nice hot chocolate place. I would then suggest heavily you go to family therapy.. And NTA

thephilosopher16 −  NTA your wife seems kinda wild for not letting her step daughter eat her favorite flavor of cake on her bday. My mom likes coconut cream pie on her Bday for instance. Me and my dad HATE coconut, but we eat it happily every year, as the smile on my moms face is worth the bad pie.

Your wife is talking about picking favorites?? try getting the wrong flavor, not even partying, being a lil crybaby and not talking to you…. Weird man.

ghostofumich2005 −  should just choose another netural flavor instead.. Chalk then? She got defensive saying that birthdays are no “excuse” to show favoritism
lol wut. This is the one day of the year you are supposed to show favoritism towards someone.

her daughter is “watching” and “observing” how I’m treating both girls. instead of using this opportunity to teach Olivia to compromise so everyone’s happy. lol ok. Did she get Britney a gift for Olivia’s birthday too? The only thing being taught is that Olivia is not important and Britney is.

The only thing Britney is observing is her mother being a lawnmower. Your wife sounds exhausting. NTA but you sure as s**t will be one if you stay married to this person and allow your daughter to be second to everything so “everyone” can be happy.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Why can’t she teach Britney to compromise? She’s elder and should know how to by now. This is such an idiotic situation. She could have easily called the bakery and added a few vanilla cupcakes to your order and been done with it. Changing the birthday cake is an AH move. I would take issue with the bakery too for accepting to make changes without checking with you