AITA For requesting an explanation for my money being spent without my consent?

A woman underwent surgery and rented a large house for friends and family to help her during her recovery, leaving $1,000 for house expenses. One of her late husband’s sisters stayed there for a week, spending the entire amount in just six days without communicating with her during the recovery period.

The sister then presented receipts but included personal expenses and items unrelated to the house. When the woman asked for an explanation, the sister justified her spending by claiming it was a gift or an “expense account,” which the woman strongly disagreed with. read the original story below…

‘ AITA For requesting an explanation for my money being spent without my consent?’

This past summer I underwent a lengthy surgical procedure that required several weeks in the hospital out of town and several months follow-up. I needed to have someone stay and help me over those first 8 weeks so I rented a large house on the water with a pool.

I wanted those who came to help me to have an enjoyable environment. Friends and family offered to help and a schedule was made. Basically, people made it a vacation and met my needs while enjoying the amenities. My late husbands sister was the first to take advantage of the great set up.

She stayed a week. She arrived while I was still in the hospital and then hustled out as fast as possible and left the day I was discharged. She didn’t bother to visit me while in the hospital as she didn’t like the traffic. Effectively doing nothing for me but enjoying the beautiful home and amenities.

Prior to the surgery I let her know that I was leaving $1,000.00 in the home to be used exclusively for items needed for the house, paper and laundry products and cleaning supplies. Also, any needs for my dog who would be at the house when I was discharged.

Imagine my shock when I discovered she spent all of the $$ in six short days. Hurt and feeling used I decided to table the issue til I was feeling better.
As I was recovering I was not texting or answering calls, phone was off. I needed all of my energy for my literal survival.

There was no consideration for what I was going thru and thus no communication from me. Weeks later her husband made a feeble attempt to admonish me for not texting and calling her “to make her feel better.” Sorry, not sorry was my response to this entitled one.

Nearly three months later I was back home and she came to visit. After a pleasant visit I asked what made her think that it was okay to spend all of the money I had left for use at the house. She said she had given me receipts for her expenses. That is true. She began “charging” me before she left home.

Body wash, breakfast, chewing gum. Then she stated she used it to stock up the kitchen. I asked for whom? Since it was bits of left overs, for whom was she leaving these. She had several notes stating she used her own credit card and no receipt available, listing food and gas (she has an electric car).

Then she stated that I had gifted it to her. I reminded her that I had not and my instructions. Then she stated it was her expense account. I asked why she thought she was entitled to an expense account and what made her think I would provide one.

When I originally rented the house she shared that she had been bragging to friends about her wonderful vacation planned at my summer rental. I fully realize that this bridge is burned, tho I cannot imagine what difference it could make?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

latents −  NTA for being upset at her callous behavior at your expense.  If you want to wholly burn that bridge, feel free to warn your family about her behavior so they can all protect themselves or their loved ones from her selfishness and theft if they ever are in a similarly vulnerable position.

Never leave SIL unsupervised near anything of value and don’t worry about being generous to others other than her where she can see. She has already helped herself to her total “share” of your kindness, generosity, and consideration for others.

Everything remaining can fairly only be given to others without  guilt. She should be grateful that you haven’t filed a police report for her theft.

DMV_Lolli −  I think I would sue her. Ask yourself what Judge Judy would say to: “Your Honor. I rented the house for my aftercare and left $1000 petty cash in the home for household expenses. My SIL decided to come the week *before* I got out of the hospital, spent the whole $1000,

and told me I owed her for her expenses because she was only there for my aftercare. Before I got there and actually needed care.” Even if I didn’t win, the embarrassment she would feel would be payment enough.

Masta-Blasta −  NTA. You sound like a wonderful, thoughtful person and your late husband’s sister knows this and thought she could take advantage of you and you’d be a doormat and allow it. She used you and stole from you. I’m sorry that happened. Hopefully the other guests were less disappointing

Stranger0nReddit −  NTA. Yikes. She took full advantage of you when you were in a vulnerable state. It amazes me that people are perfectly fine to do something so s**tty.

Infinite_Peanut1216 −  NTA so glad you made it through and I hope you continue to recover. You paid $1000 to have a disgusting parasite removed as you were recovering. SIL lost a pragmatic and generous person. You win.

ExistenceRaisin −  NTA. This wasn’t supposed to be an all-expenses paid vacation for her, she was supposed to help you while you recovered. She did nothing for you at all, she just enjoyed her stay at your expense, and then left. She took advantage of you, and she doesn’t want to be held accountable for it

justreading4800 −  NTA- you needed clear confirmation that there was not a misunderstanding or that something didn’t happen. You received it. She stoled from you when you were at your weakest and felt fully entitled to it. No apologies, no repayment. Burn the bridge, poison the water, salt the earth, but most of all…block her on all the socials.

tatersprout −  NTA. Burn the bridge down.

Marmot_Mountain −  Clearly a case of jealousy. “For years I have watched you squander your wealth, while me, poor, poor me, has suffered”. Like so many posts here, this is about you trying to be the bigger person, trying to be generous, you wanting to be a good person:

with someone who is petty, greedy, and self-absorbed. It’s the classic n**cissist/codependent relationship. Imagine if you came back from the hospital, and found your house cleaned and dinner on the stove. The thousand dollars still there, your dog exercised and loved, and her keeping you company.

When it’s time to leave, she left all these delicious prepared meals in Tupperware in the frig. That is how people who love you behave. Time to set some boundaries in your life, for your own being. Here is an exercise: get a piece of paper and a pen. Imagine that it is your husband writing this letter to you. Now write.

RandomReddit9791 −  This person would no longer even have access to me. It would be as if they never existed. 

You have every right to ask for an explanation about your money being spent without your consent, especially when it was intended for specific needs related to the house. The sister’s actions, including spending on personal items and her assumption that you’d cover her expenses, were disrespectful.

You were generous in offering a comfortable space for your family, but her behavior was inappropriate. While it’s understandable that this situation has caused tension, it’s clear that your feelings of hurt and confusion are valid. What do you think? share your thoughts below!