AITA for removing my daughter’s bedroom door because she won’t stop slamming it?

A mother removed her 14-year-old daughter’s bedroom door after repeatedly slamming it despite numerous warnings. The daughter now feels her privacy is being violated, while the mother argues she had to take action due to the disruptive noise affecting the family. The mother wonders if she overreacted.

‘ AITA for removing my daughter’s bedroom door because she won’t stop slamming it?’

I (40f) have 3 kids. Maggie (14f), Levi (12m) and Charlie (10m). (NOT THIER REAL NAMES) Levi and Charlie share a bedroom and Maggie has her own room as the oldest and also only girl. Maggie is a great kid. She does her homework, helps with chores without too much complaint, doesn’t bug her little brothers (too) much. The issue is that she will not stop slamming her bedroom door.

When she gets up to use the bathroom at night she slams her bedroom door on her way out and back in. When she gets up in the morning or goes to bed at night she slams it. Pretty much any time she enters or exits her room the door gets slammed. And it’s only her door, none of the other doors in the house. It shakes the walls and frequently wakes up everyone else in the house. Her brothers room shares a wall with hers and our bedroom is directly above theirs.

We’ve talked to her about it and asked her very politely to please be more mindful about it because it is disturbing the rest of us but it’s in one ear and out the other. We tried being more forceful about it saying that if she continues to slam her door there will start to be consequences. Still nothing changes.

It all came to a head the other night when she got up to use the bathroom and all 4 of us were woken up by the slamming. I have to be up at 5am for work and I’ve had enough of the broken sleep and came downstairs and knocked on her door. She opened it and said WHAT?! with such attitude it took a lot of self control not to start yelling.

I told her as calmly as I could that if she slammed that door one more time she was going to come home and find it gone. She proceeded to yell at me to leave her alone and then slammed it 5 times as hard as she could. Well the next day (Friday) she went to school and my husband and I both had the day off so we took the door off the frame and installed a curtain rod with a nice heavy curtain over the door instead. She came home and freaked the f**k out.

She said we’re being emotionally abusive and taking away her right to privacy. She sulked all weekend and won’t talk to us now. My mother says I’m the AH because I overreacted but she doesn’t have to deal with the house shaking. I want to add that we completely respect each other’s privacy in our house which is why we hung up a heavy curtain and made sure that we couldn’t see through it or around it.

We even put little Velcro pieces on the walls and curtain sides so it stays in place. She still has her physical privacy which she is absolutely entitled to, but can’t slam a piece of fabric. We also have never and still don’t just go into her room unannounced and still knock on the wall to ask permission to enter. We’ve told her we’ll happily put her door back on once she agrees to respect the no slamming rule.. So AITA?.

Edit to add: 1) The curtain is an industrial type that blocks sound and light 2) The curtain is only meant to be a temporary measure. As soon as she agrees to stop slamming and be respectful of the shared space we will put it right back on. 3) The door isn’t broken or malfunctioning in any way and there is no draft causing it to swing shut.

Check out how the community responded:

Express-Afternoon724 −  NTA. Interrupting everyone’s sleep is unacceptable. You gave her plenty of opportunities to change her door slamming behavior and she didn’t do it. Let her sulk it out for a set amount of time (let her know this amount. . 1 week. . 3 days. . whatever you choose), then return the door conditionally for a trial. If she can refrain from slamming it, she can keep it. If not, the door gets taken off again for even more time. Rinse and repeat until she no longer slams.

DragonFireLettuce −  NTA – That’s what I call “check-mate.” You’re teaching your kid a valuable lesson – actions have consequences. And she’s even able to reverse this decision – if she “agrees” to not slam. Which, for some reason, she’s won’t agree to it? PS – the curtain was a great touch.

Earptastic −  “I told her as calmly as I could that if she slammed that door one more time she was going to come home and find it gone. She proceeded to yell at me to leave her alone and then slammed it 5 times as hard as she could”. I guess she made that decision on her own and was very sure about it (5 times sure).. NTA.

Full-String7137 −  This might be controversial but since you’ve replaced it with a fabric alternative I’m going with NTA. I do agree with what will no doubt be many comments about the importance of privacy but I do feel like this argument is satisfied with the use of the curtain.

I will say though, that this should only be a temporary measure. She should get her door back in the not too distant future. Also, the second your sons or their friends start to try and enter her room uninvited then the door goes back on and you need to figure out a better solution.

imjusthere_chilling −  Usually, parents who remove their children’s bedroom doors are controlling and abusive AHs who don’t give a single f**k about their child’s privacy. But right here? Your daughter repeatedly slammed the door to her bedroom after you both politely and sternly told her not to do so multiple times. Taking away her door seems like a fitting punishment in this case.. NTA.

Brightmoon1954 −  NTA. I did this also, for 2 weeks. My son decided that he would not slam the door if I put it back. He did not slam his bedroom door again. Occasionally he did slam the back door. Soon decided to stop doing that also. No did not remove that door. Just locked it. Front door had a soft close gadget I installed.

LadySmuag −  She opened it and said WHAT?! with such attitude it took a lot of self control not to start yelling. Have you checked in with her to see if she’s upset about something? Or if she won’t talk to you, maybe a guidance counselor or therapist?

It sounds like she *knows* it upsets you, and that’s the point of why she’s doing it. But she’s not telling you why she wants to upset you so you’re acting on partial information. NTA, but maybe follow this up with a day out just the two of you so you can check in with her mentally.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Actions – consequences. It costs literally nothing to close a door properly and at some point her slamming the door progressed from maybe accidental, to careless, and then to reckless/disrespectful. She was clearly warned of what would happen, and she chose to f**k around and find out. The curtain is a nice compromise that still provides her with the level of privacy she should need.

bmyst70 −  NTA Because her slamming the door is so loud it wakes everyone else up, and she refuses to not slam the door, this is the best alternative. I think there are things you can attach to doors (I forget what they’re called) which prevent a door from being slammed. But if they can’t be used on inside doors, it’s perfectly reasonable to give her a heavy curtain. She is definitely being the AH here, by refusing to respect a basic “no slamming your bedroom door” rule.

Ceecee_soup −  I was fully prepared to let you have it over the title, but with context NTA at all. Actually I think you handled it perfectly. She still has her privacy, you gave her plenty of chances and she deliberately doubled down on the disrespect. Well played.