AITA for refusing to tell my husband the gender of our baby after he skipped going to the dr appointment with me?
A Reddit user shared their story of frustration after their husband skipped numerous prenatal appointments, including the gender reveal, to prioritize casual outings with friends. When he demanded to know the baby’s gender after missing the appointment, the OP refused to tell him, leading to a family dispute. Was the OP’s response fair, or did they overreact? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for refusing to tell my husband the gender of our baby after he skipped going to the dr appointment with me?’
My husband & I are expecting. This is our first baby and we’re excited. Thing is he barely attends any dr appointments with me and his excuses aren’t even valid. He’s willing to miss the dr appointment over soccer or a drink or board game with friends. His response is always “I’m not the one carrying the baby, why do I have to go see the dr with you?”.
Last week was my final straw. He was supposed to come with me for the baby’s gender reveal appointment but he chose to not come last minute because his friend invited him to fish ‘n’ chips meal. I was pretty livid but didn’t make a fuss about it. Mom went with me instead.
He texted asking me to tell him the results (boy or girl) but I refused to tell him. He kept spam calling me but I hung up each time. He came home fuming demanding I tell him the results but I refused and bluntly told him, since he refused to attend the appointment then he gets no results til after the baby’s born and said I was wiling to die on this hill.
He went off calling me spiteful and immature for doing this and punishing him. He said he’s the father and has the right to know. He then called me dramatic since I wasn’t alone and mom was with me. I said he gets no results period. He’s been fuming about it and told his family and they’re now pressuring me to stop playing mind games with him and tell him but I declined.. AITA?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Annii84 − NTA. Already a deadbeat dad before the baby is even born.
dirtypig796 − If he’s telling you “I’m not carrying the baby why do I have to go to the doctor with you” that’s going to turn into “I didn’t push out that baby, why should I look after it!!” Reeeealll quick.. Edit- NTA.
Greyeyedqueen7 − NTA. My ex pulled this with our second child, and I caved and told him. I shouldn’t have. You need to seriously reconsider this relationship. He’s showing you that he and his friends are more important than you and the baby. He sees going to appointments with you as punishment, not as a chance to make sure you and the baby are healthy. Don’t be like me and stay until he leaves you for another woman.
Wooden_Albatross_832 − NTA… absentee father already. Kid is never going to be a priority for daddy
Big-Skrrrt − He’s litterally prioritising fish n chips over his unborn baby. Is this really who you want to raise a child with?
Educational-Good-652 − NTA Unless you booked a separate scan it’s not actually a gender reveal appointment, it’s an anomaly appointment, where they look for things that might potentially be wrong with your baby. Gender is bottom of their list of priorities at that appointment. Which makes him 100% the AH.
NannyOggsKnickers − NTA. And also I really do wish that people (partners, family of both parties, extended friend groups etc) realised one very important thing about these scans: Finding out the gender (if you want to know) is a happy bonus. It is NOT the point of the actual scan.
The point of the scan is to find out if the baby is healthy and growing well! It’s to confirm they have a heartbeat, that they have the appropriate limbs and organs, that their skull has grown over the brain, that there are no signs of a serious medical condition that is incompatible with life, and that there’s nothing wrong with the placenta or anything that could cost you YOUR life.
Every day people go into these scans and get the worst news possible. And so many people dismiss that aspect because they’re focused on what genitals the baby has.
Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby has between their legs, your partner should be grateful that he didn’t get a phonecall from you sobbing in a waiting room going “There’s something terribly wrong”. If he had I doubt the fish and chips would have tasted quite so good afterwards.
sleepingfox307 − “I’m not the one carrying that baby why should I be there?” and then suddenly “I’m the father I have the right to know!” Oh NOW you want to be a daddy huh? I would laugh if this didn’t infuriate me as a father/husband who was present for every single appointment my wife went to for all three of our children.
If he wants to be present at the birth tell him “You’re not the one delivering the baby, why should you have to be there?”. What a tool.. NTA.. ETA: Wow thanks for the award!
ashleighbuck − NTA. And if he’s this selfish with his time now, I can only imagine how he’ll be after baby is born.
likeahike − NTA and why are you with this guy exactly? Sounds like a real winner. You do realise you’re going to be a single parent, right? He’s not bonding with the child and I doubt he will pull his weight after the birth. So if you can’t count on him now, then when? You might as well be single.
Do you think the OP’s decision was justified given the repeated absence of her husband, or should she have shared the news despite his actions? How would you handle a similar situation with a partner who prioritizes other activities over pregnancy milestones? Share your thoughts below!