AITA for refusing to start using my first name despite pleas from my family?

Names carry deep personal meaning, yet they can also become battlegrounds for family traditions and expectations. In this case, a 16-year-old girl has spent her entire life going by her middle name, Skye, despite being given the first name Nancy—after her grandmother—in accordance with a long-held family tradition.

While everyone from teachers to friends has embraced Skye, her mother and grandmother have pleaded for her to revert to Nancy, claiming that using the family name honors their heritage and reflects maturity. The tension over what to be called has grown over the years, culminating in a firm refusal that now puts family expectations at odds with personal identity.

For Skye, the name she chooses is not just a label but a vital part of who she is—one that she must own in every aspect of her life. Despite the emotional pleas and even criticisms from her family, she remains steadfast in her choice, determined to live authentically as herself rather than succumb to traditions that no longer resonate.

‘AITA for refusing to start using my first name despite pleas from my family?’

Navigating the complexities of name identity can be challenging, particularly when family traditions clash with personal preference. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a psychologist known for her work on identity formation, states, “A person’s name is an integral part of their self-concept. When individuals choose to use a name that reflects their true identity, it can be a powerful act of self-affirmation.” In this case, the decision to go by Skye is a clear expression of personal identity that has evolved naturally over time.

Moreover, Dr. Finlayson-Fife emphasizes that while family traditions can provide a sense of belonging, they should not override an individual’s comfort and self-expression. “Forcing someone to adopt a name they don’t identify with can create unnecessary emotional conflict,” she explains.

The pressure from family members to use the name Nancy not only disregards Skye’s consistent self-identification but also undermines her autonomy. In modern society, the evolution of personal identity—especially during adolescence—should be supported rather than suppressed. This perspective encourages young people to claim their identities and choose names that truly represent who they are.

It’s also important to recognize that while family history is significant, the choice of a name ultimately belongs to the individual. As Dr. Finlayson-Fife notes, “Authenticity in how we present ourselves is essential for our mental well-being and personal growth.” In Skye’s case, her steadfast choice serves as a healthy assertion of independence amid familial expectations.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The overwhelming sentiment among commenters is that Skye is not at fault. Many argue that her choice of name is a valid form of self-expression and that family members have no right to force her to adopt a name that does not reflect her identity. Commenters applaud her for prioritizing her own comfort over outdated traditions, emphasizing that she is not rejecting her family but simply choosing what feels right for her.

In the end, the question isn’t about simply picking a name—it’s about honoring one’s identity and finding the courage to stand by personal choices. Skye’s decision to keep her name despite family pleas reflects her journey toward self-acceptance and authenticity. What do you think? Should family traditions dictate personal identity, or is it more important to live as your true self? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how we balance family expectations with personal authenticity.