AITA for refusing to spend my savings to bail out my sibling from debt?
A person has been saving responsibly for years and built a modest safety net. Their sibling, burdened with debt from poor financial choices, demanded nearly all their savings to cover it, insisting that “family should help each other.” Despite suggesting alternatives like consulting a financial advisor,
the sibling rejected them, claiming the savings were their only solution. Now, with parents joining in the pressure, the person is being labeled selfish and heartless for refusing to empty their account to fix a situation they didn’t cause. read the original story below.
‘ AITA for refusing to spend my savings to bail out my sibling from debt?’
My sibling recently approached me, asking for help with their financial situation. Apparently, they’ve racked up a ton of debt over the past few years from “emergency” purchases and lifestyle choices. They’ve been struggling to manage it, and now it’s at a breaking point where creditors are contacting them non-stop.
I’ve been careful with my money, working hard and saving for years to build up a bit of a safety net for myself. I’m not rolling in cash, but I’ve got enough set aside to feel secure. When my sibling asked me to help, they weren’t looking for a small loan; they wanted me to clear out nearly all my savings to cover their debts.
They argued that “family should help each other” and implied I was selfish for not wanting to help them get out of this mess. I tried suggesting other options like talking to a financial advisor or consolidating their debt but they brushed those off, saying they’d take too long and that I was their “only real option.”
They even got my parents involved, who are now pressuring me, saying that “family is more important than money” and that I should do this because I’m the “responsible one.” I feel for my sibling, and I understand they’re in a tough spot.
But it doesn’t feel fair to me to sacrifice everything I’ve worked for, especially when I had nothing to do with their financial choices. Now I’m being called heartless and cold by my family, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being selfish for holding onto my savings. AITA for refusing to use my savings to bail out my sibling?
See what others had to share with OP:
ExistenceRaisin − NTA. It’s their fault they got into this situation, and it’s not your responsibility to get them out of it, especially if it will put you in a bad situation to help them
waaasupla − Tell them, “Since I was getting punished for being the ‘responsible’ one. I chose not to be since family bails out others anyway. So I bought lottery and lost everything. I would appreciate if you can give me some money for next month rent.”
They are not listening to any other options bcoz they want free money from you that they never have to pay back. And if you give now, it’s just the beginning & you will become the enabler. Stop telling them how much money you make, spend or save.
Let this be a lesson to keep your finances a secret. Tell them you spent everything and keep it away from them. And start asking them for money.
ColdstreamCapple − NTA If you bail your sibling out I guarantee in 6 months time if not sooner they’ll want another handout and be back in the same position Tell your parents if they want to bail them out that’s on them but it’s time to stop enabling them and give them a real world wake up call
Otherwise they’ll never learn and why should you be their personal ATM because they feel they deserve things above their means?
[Reddit User] − NTA. Please do not let your family pressure you into giving away your hard earned savings. No! They are wrong. You are not wrong. Period.
Consider also that you are pouring money into a bottomless hole here until your sibling learns how to manage their finances and right the ship.
They have to do that first, before any bailout and not after. Your suggestions were the right ones – go consolidate the debt, form a repayment plan, etc.
City_Girl_at_heart − NTA. You saved money, they didn’t.. They got into debt, you didn’t. Tell everyone who wants to help to put their money in if they’re so happy to spend your money.
RRW2020 − NTA. You are not the only option. You’re the only option with zero consequences. This couple needs to either consolidate their debt or go through bankruptcy. Let them live with the consequences of their actions.
acb1971 − Nope. I was the sibling. I had a loan from my parents, then they co- signed a consolidation loan. It wasn’t until I declared bankruptcy that I changed my ways.
000-Hotaru_Tomoe − NTA That money is a little treasure that you earned with your work and it is used, if necessary, for your emergencies (medical, economic, etc …). If your sibling is really in such trouble, if you want, if you feel like it, you could help them in another way:
with groceries, with small maintenance jobs at home or on the car. But giving the money to them seems like the equivalent of throwing it in the toilet, so I would avoid it.
TickityTickityBoom − NTA – why should you? How do they know you have so much saved up?
lurninandlurkin − NTA.Their choices that have helped them dig themselves into the hole are the same reason you would never see this money again if you were to “bail them out”. So in reality, your savings would clear their debt and the behaviours that got them into this mess would continue as they would have a clean slate.
Is it selfish to refuse sacrificing financial stability for family, or should helping loved ones always come first? What would you do in this situation? Share your thoughts below!