AITA for refusing to share my Xmas gift from work?

Celebrations and gifts are meant to bring joy, but sometimes they can spark unexpected family tension—especially when it comes to money. In this story, a 42-year-old man recounts the fallout from his decision not to share his 200€ gift card from work with his wife. Both of them started new jobs this year, and while his job offers better conditions, he ends up shouldering most of the expenses.

His wife, benefiting from generous discounts at her part-time job, has been busy treating herself. When he inquired about using her discount for something he wanted, she expressed discomfort. Then, when she discovered his work-issued gift card, she began planning to spend it on household items without consulting him. Feeling that the gift card is his to use as he pleases until June 2025, he refused—and now faces accusations of selfishness.

He simply wants to use the money on something he really wants, rather than letting it become an obligatory expense for the house. But his wife and even some family members say that by not sharing, he’s being selfish. The question remains: is he the asshole for holding onto his gift card for his own needs, or is he simply standing up for his right to control his own financial benefits?

‘ AITA for refusing to share my Xmas gift from work?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family financial dynamics, explains, “In any relationship, the division of financial benefits should be clear and mutually agreed upon. When one partner makes decisions independently about money that is clearly meant for personal use, it is not inherently selfish. It’s about respecting individual autonomy.”

Dr. Markham further states, “It’s important for couples to communicate their expectations regarding money. If one partner has consistently handled most expenses, they might feel justified in keeping certain gifts for their own use. The key is having that conversation without resentment.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “Financial disagreements often reflect deeper issues of recognition and fairness. In this case, if the husband feels that his gift card is an earned benefit—especially with a long validity period—it’s understandable for him to decide how to use it without external pressure. Healthy relationships allow each partner to manage their personal benefits while still contributing to the household.”

Both experts agree that the husband’s decision is a matter of personal financial autonomy rather than an act of greed. The situation underlines the importance of clear communication about shared finances, particularly when both partners have access to different benefits. In cases where one partner’s income covers most household expenses, insisting on personal discretion for gifts can be seen as a reasonable stand for self-respect and fairness.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Several redditors expressed strong support for the husband’s decision. One user commented, “If you worked hard for that gift card and have your own plans for it, you’re not the asshole for keeping it for yourself. Personal financial autonomy is important!”

Another group shared their experiences of similar disputes. One commenter said, “I get it—sometimes you just want to enjoy a perk without having it turned into a communal expense. You’re not being selfish; you’re just being responsible with your own money.”