AITA for refusing to share my “special” recipe with my cousin who wants to use it for her business?
A young Redditor (18F) shared her experience of refusing to give her cousin Jess (24F) the unique dessert recipe she worked hard to create. Jess, who runs a small baking business, wanted to use it on her menu, but the Redditor felt it was too personal to share. This refusal caused family drama, with accusations of selfishness and vague social media posts. Read the full story below!
‘ AITA for refusing to share my “special” recipe with my cousin who wants to use it for her business?’
So here’s the deal. I (18F) have this amazing dessert recipe that I came up with after months of experimenting in the kitchen. It’s a unique twist on a classic treat, and everyone who tries it says it’s incredible. My family always asks me to make it for gatherings, and honestly, I take a lot of pride in how much people love it.
Recently, my cousin “Jess” (24F) started a small baking business from home. She’s been doing pretty well, and I’m happy for her! Last week, at a family dinner, Jess pulled me aside and asked if I’d give her my dessert recipe so she could add it to her menu.
I was flattered at first, but then I told her I wasn’t comfortable sharing it because it’s really personal to me—it’s my “thing,” you know? Jess didn’t take that well. She said I was being selfish and that it’s not like I’m starting a business or anything, so why would I hoard the recipe?
She even got my aunt (her mom) involved, who called me later and said I should “support family” and not be so “stingy.” I explained that I wasn’t trying to be mean, but I worked really hard to create that recipe, and it’s something I’m proud of.
Now half my family is calling me petty, and the other half is staying out of it. Jess posted a vague rant on Facebook about people “gatekeeping creativity” and how it’s “impossible to get ahead with unsupportive people.” My mom says I should just give her the recipe to keep the peace, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.. So, AITA?
Check out how the community responded:
Sambamthankyousam2 − NTA if this were tech, or music, or a different industry, no one would expect you to give up your successful creation for someone else’s profit. You developed this, this has gotten you success and praise and a sense of accomplishment within the family.
If she takes this and makes it part of her business, will she start showing up with the treats and taking credit? It just sounds like she is fine with screwing you over to get her small business off the ground.
Competitive_Cod_3843 − In the olden days, people would have shared recipes when asked, but critically made some change to the recipe for the recipient. An ingredient left out, a different amount on something that makes a difference…
Hoarding recipes is a time-honored tradition and you are under no obligation to share. I also have recipes that I don’t share. Sometimes people ask and the closest I get is making some vague speculation about sharing it in the future. Your recipes are your recipes.. NTA
Dittoheadforever − You’re NTA. At first I thought *maybe* N-A-Hs here, but… Jess posted a vague rant on Facebook about people “gatekeeping creativity” and how it’s “impossible to get ahead with unsupportive people.” What an immature little A-H.
If her business will make it or break it over your dessert recipe, she is in the wrong business and doesn’t know what she is doing. My mom says I should just give her the recipe to keep the peace. Oh really? Did your mom cater to your tantrums when you were a toddler?
similar_name4489 − NTA businesses purchase recipes and give royalties when people are willing to sell. She’s offering nothing but attitude. You should just declare that given how the family is treating you, you will no longer bring the desert to family gatherings. Keep it for your own events/friends.
magiemaddi − Ask for royalties. Have it named after you. Cash for the recipe too. She’s making money off it, then you should too. If she says you’re greedy, well, tell her to look in the mirror because she’s basically trying to steal your recipe if you get no benefit out of it,
then she is literally being the greedy one, making profit off YOUR hard work. But seriously, it might be a good investment for you if you have the right contract with her, good passive income if she gives you a cut of sales. NTA
Deckard916 − NTA – she can spend months experimenting to find her own damn dessert recipe. You aren’t obligated to share it with anyone if you don’t want to. If you did give it to her would you be getting any sort of compensation since she would be selling it at her business.?
Ok_Homework8692 − I would suggest you respond to her post that there’s a world of difference between gatekeeping creativity and stealing other people’s ideas. Are you going to get a cut of the profits? Ask good old Jess if she thinks it’s ok not to pay you and how does that work with her “family supporting family”? And you do have a blocking function, use it.
Kevin_Eats_Sushi − I swear I’ve read this before on this sun in a different context lmao (but I know how f**king petty people can actually be irl so I’m not surprised). NTA. I know a fair share of people who did what your cousin asked of you for various things, baking, food, cocktails, etc etc and some of them unfortunately caved with the unfortunate event happening where the people they caved to started branding the stuff as their creation.
Especially with stuff like baking and food, you give them the recipe and then they change one little detail so they can say *uhhhm ackstually this is MY recipe*
Sambamthankyousam2 − Also, Jess is a big baby for crying to her mom about how her mean mean teenage cousin wouldn’t give her the toy she wanted. Also Jess is TA for getting the entire family involved. Classless and petty.
Icy-Area-7889 − Just give the wrong recipe and make her think she did it wrong
Do you think the Redditor is right to keep her recipe private, given her hard work and personal connection to it? Or should she have shared it with Jess to support her cousin’s business and maintain family harmony? Share your thoughts below!