AITA for refusing to share my home with my sister-in-law?

A Reddit user navigates a challenging situation after their husband suggests moving into a larger home to accommodate his younger sister, who is starting university soon. While the user values their privacy and newlywed life, they wonder if refusing this arrangement makes them selfish or inconsiderate. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to share my home with my sister-in-law?’

I (22F) have been married to my husband (26M) for 2 months. We’re currently in a 2 bedroom rental that’s just the two of us, and we both really enjoy having our own space. I work from home, so I spend almost all my time here, and I’m someone who really values my privacy.

Recently, my husband suggested that we move into a bigger house(3 Bed) where his younger sister (19F) could have a room. She’ll be starting university next year, and his parents would help pay for part of her rent.

A one-bedroom apartment is too expensive for her, as it would cost about twice as much as a room in our house. While I love his sister and want to support her, I’m really not comfortable with this idea. For one, I really love my privacy and having the house to ourselves.

I work from home, and I can’t imagine having someone else in the house all the time—especially when it comes to things like hosting friends, having quiet time, or just being ourselves as newlyweds. I’m worried I’d feel like a roommate in my own home, and I’d never feel like it’s *our* space anymore.

I’m also concerned about the impact it would have on our relationship and how much of a disruption it could be to our routine. On the other hand, I can see the financial benefits, and I know my husband really wants to support his sister and help her out while she’s in school.

I really want to say yes, or rather, i want to *want* to say yes. But I just don’t know if I can compromise on this, especially when it feels like such a big change so early in our marriage. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to live with her? Would I be the a**hole if I said no to this arrangement?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

toosheeptheorist −  NTA – you are recently married, and having a third person move in with you, no matter what the relationship with them, would be awkward.

It’s nice that your husband wants to help his sister (and parents) financially by having her move in with you both, but really not a good idea so early in the marriage. Why isn’t SIL staying with the parents, or what is wrong with the dorms at university?

Tell your husband your concerns as to why you don’t think it would be a good idea to have her move in with you. Hopefully, he’ll understand. If not, you have a bigger problem than SIL moving in.. Edit – typos

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…his family should know better than to push this on newlyweds. The fact that his parents would be paying part of the rent means they’d be in your business constantly. Set you boundaries now.

stophittingthyself −  NTA. I’d feel like a roommate in my own home, and I’d never feel like it’s our space anymore. You *would* be a roommate and it wouldn’t be just your space anymore. That’s not a feeling, it would be a fact. Made even worse by the fact that his parents are paying towards the house.

It seems like a step backwards tbh, when as newlyweds you should be looking forwards. No-one wants a roommate once they’ve gained independence. There will be hundreds of other students in her position that are looking for roommates. That should be her plan.

Current-Name1334 −  NTA. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own space. And his sister shouldn’t be your husband’s and your responsibility. While it would be kind for you to say yes, it’s not kind if you feel your space is constantly invaded and you end up snapping at her.

If his parents are willing to pay part of her rent, another option might just be for her to find room mates at university. But ultimately, I don’t feel like it’s your responsibility, and it’s a lot to ask of a recently married couple who values privacy.

MisanthropicEgg −  NTA That would put strain on a 20 year marriage, let alone a 2 month marriage. You need time to settle in with each other before throwing entire other humans into the mix.

homemakinghedgewitch −  NTA. Unless she has a private space with her own kitchen/bathroom/separate entrance, ***DON’T DO IT***.
I have advice on how I’ve handled this the last two decades: Be n**ed a lot and have spontaneous s** a lot.

My husband cuts people off on the idea of them *spending the night* let alone live with us. He refuses to give up that aspect of our marriage and life.. No pants = No sister in law.

OscillatingFox −  NTA. This is a d**adful idea. You work from home, and university terms are relatively short. She’d be underfoot every weekend and all the holidays. Look, I work from home, and my husband is now WFH twice a week, and honestly I resent \*him\* being there, and it’s his house!

I come in to make a cup of tea and he’s having a zoom meeting in the kitchen diner. I want a super quick lunch because I’m really busy but he’s making food so now we’re having a 30min break to discuss stuff. Argh.

And as for someone in the sitting room, already watching a film when you two want to snuggle on the sofa and watch your quiz show, always a third wheel at every meal… And she *can* be there because she won’t be a lodger in her brother’s house that her parents are funding, so you won’t be able to say ‘please watch TV in your room’.

Plus she’s 19. She’s going to be messy and inconsiderate and noisy and up late, because that’s what students are. I think you need to have a frank conversation with your husband–it’s not her, you don’t want to live with any third party, and if you did, it would need pretty strict restrictions.

Plus, has he considered that if he does this he’ll probably become responsible for her? Is he happy to be the one picking her up from parties when she’s drunk, or getting blamed if her grades slip, or paying for her food because she’s only got five quid for the rest of the month, or all the other student experiences that people go through to grow up?

Puzzleheaded_Bet_156 −  Obviously it depends a lot on your relationship with his sister but……. my husbands sister came to stay with us for 3 months shortly after we got married and by the end of the 3 months I could barely stand her!!.

She completely monopolized my husbands time (and he let her) to the point where I felt like the stranger in my own home. She completely took over both my home and my husbands attention (and no, I’m not usually a jealous person).

Please think long and hard about this. Sharing your home with anyone is a test and 2 months after you’ve got married? I would say its a definite no.

mlc885 −  NTA. It is very possibly a terrible idea, anyway. You’ll never have any privacy. I wouldn’t do it outside of a true emergency.

mu5tbetheone −  NTA. Why doesn’t his sister want to rent with friends like most people in uni or college? Seems like a way to almost stop her from having those important college relationships.

Is the user justified in prioritizing their privacy and new marriage, or should they compromise to support their sister-in-law? How would you balance family obligations and personal boundaries in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!