AITA for refusing to share my bonus with my fiancée’s family?

A man (30M) received a $50,000 bonus and planned to use it for a house fund. His fiancée (28F) asked him to give half of it to help her parents pay off their mortgage, arguing that it’s fair since they’ll soon be family. When he refused, she accused him of being selfish and has been cold to him since.

She also told her parents about the bonus, leading to guilt-tripping comments. The man feels it’s not his responsibility to bail out her parents and is conflicted after mixed reactions from friends. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to share my bonus with my fiancée’s family?’

I (30M) work in tech and had a fantastic year at my job. I recently received a significant year-end bonus — $50,000 — and I was thrilled. I’ve been saving for years to buy a house, and this bonus is going directly into my house fund. My fiancée (28F) knows this and was initially very supportive.

Then she dropped a bomb on me. She asked if I could “spare” $25,000 of my bonus to help her parents pay off their mortgage. Apparently, her parents have been struggling financially, and she feels it’s “only fair” since we’re going to be married and they’re going to be my family too. I said no.

I’ve worked extremely hard for this money, and while I feel for her parents, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to bail them out — especially when I’ve never even been asked directly by them. Her response? She called me selfish and accused me of “not caring about her family.”

She then brought up how her parents have “sacrificed so much” for her, and it’s the least I could do. She’s been cold to me ever since. She’s also told her parents about my bonus (without my permission), and now I’m getting guilt-tripped by them.

They haven’t outright asked for money, but they’ve made several comments about how “lucky” I am to have extra cash and how “some people don’t get that kind of opportunity.” When I mentioned that I plan to use the money to help secure *our* future with a house, my fiancée said, “What future?

You’re already showing you don’t care about the people who matter to me.” I don’t think I should have to justify how I use *my* bonus, but now even my own friends are split on whether I’m being reasonable or stingy.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

pbudpaonia −  Run!

Far-Season-695 −  Pretty sure this is going to be the rest of your life. You being expected to pay for her and her family. If you want that go for it

Glassgrl1021 −  If they “sacrificed so much for her” SHE should help them pay their mortgage. I would think long and hard about continuing with this one because this is going to be your life. She’s happy volunteering your money and then she’s childish when you tell her no. NTA

BeeYehWoo −  Leave. Just leave. Your fiancee has revealed who she is *before the wedding*. Asking you to subsidize her parents is so inappropriate.
If this becomes an issue your fiancee and her parents will remember and forever mar your marriage, Id kick myself for marrying her.

Your fiancee has made it clear where you stand in relation to her parents. She overshared about your salary. That her parents have the audacity to make snide comments hoping to steer you towards donating to them is insulting and inappropriate.

When I mentioned that I plan to use the money to help secure *our* future with a house, my fiancée said, “**What future**? You’re already showing you don’t care about the people who matter to me.” Stick a fork in it. This relationship is toast.

I say confirm what your fiancee is proclaiming and surprisingly agree with her. Then she can give all of the money her parents need. NTA and keep an eye on your wallet.. EDIT:. AND DONT GET HER PREGNANT

WhyAmIStillHere86 −  NTA On the bright-side, you discovered her priorities before you did anything like adding her to a deed or marrying her.. Find a new fiancé,

kweenbeatrice −  No, it’s your money and it is not your responsibility to pay for their mortgage. If they can’t pay their own mortgage maybe they should think about moving in a smaller house.

KarayanLucine −  Walk away from this one. She is nuts. Actually mad you wont give away $25,000.. NTA

Extension_Peach_5274 −  I would find a new fiancée.

SweetBekki −  So her parents have done so much for HER and it’s the least YOU could do?! Her and her ALONE is responsible for repaying her own parents back for making sacrifices for HER. Unless her parents have made the same sacrifices for you, you don’t owe them jack s**t.

Does she do the same thing for your parents?. Something tells me that once you’re married she’s gonna turn it into ” my money is mine and your money is also mine” type of person. Please think long and hard about marrying her.

LearnsFromExperience −  Good thing this happened before you got married. Sounds like you have some serious thinking to do. You have ZERO responsibility to fix her parents’ lack of long-term planning and judgment.

Is he justified in wanting to save for their future, or should he have considered her family’s struggles? What would you do in his position? Share your thoughts below!