AITA for refusing to set up my friend (23m) anymore after he stood up my best friend (24f)?

A Reddit user shared a story about a falling out with their husband’s best friend after a failed attempt to set him up with their best friend. The friend stood up his date after a drunken nap, leading to hurt feelings and a tense fallout. Now, the user is questioning if refusing to help him again was too harsh. Read the full story below to see how things unfolded.

‘ AITA for refusing to set up my friend (23m) anymore after he stood up my best friend (24f)?’

Liam (23M) is my husband’s best friend and is someone I also consider a friend. Recently, though, Liam and I have had a huge falling out, and I’m starting to question if I was too harsh. Liam has had a massive crush on my best friend Olivia (24F) for over a year. Olivia recently went through a bad breakup with her long-term boyfriend—like, “he dumped her via text” bad—and she was determined to move on FAST.

Liam basically begged me to set him up with her, saying he’d give *anything* to go on a date with her. I genuinely like Liam and thought, like why not? Olivia and I have been best friends since we were kids, and I want her to be happy. So, I talked to Olivia about opening herself up to dating again, and she was open to the idea.

I suggested Liam to start small, maybe hanging out as friends first, and see where it goes. Liam agreed, asked Olivia out, and they made plans to meet for a movie on Saturday. Everything seemed great—until Saturday. The day of the date, Liam went to a sports game in the morning and got so drunk celebrating his team’s win that he decided to take a nap at home before the date. Well, that nap turned into him completely sleeping through their plans.

Olivia went to the theater and waited *45 minutes* before calling me, upset that he was a no-show. My husband and I ended up rushing to the theater with some other friends, and we all watched the movie together so Olivia wouldn’t feel stood up. Liam never showed.

Afterward, I called Liam to ask what happened, and all he could say was, “I was tired.” He didn’t seem to grasp how upset Olivia was or how rude his actions were. He sent a lazy apology in our group chat: “Damn I took a nap. I’m sorry. Can we reschedule for tomorrow?” Olivia, understandably, was not having it. She’s been ignoring him since, and I can’t blame her.

Liam, on the other hand, has been acting like he’s the victim here. He keeps telling me that it’s not fair for Olivia to hold a grudge over “one mistake” and that it’s ridiculous for their year-long connection to be ruined because he “just took a nap.” He also thinks I’m being unfair because I told him point-blank that I’m not helping him anymore. I won’t mediate, fix things with Olivia, or set him up with anyone in the future. He’s furious with me, claiming I’m being stubborn and unforgiving.

My husband is stuck in the middle—he agrees that Liam was in the wrong and is supporting Olivia, but he’s also trying to smooth things over with Liam since they’re best friends. So, AITAH for refusing to help Liam anymore? I feel like he massively disrespected my best friend, and I don’t want to put Olivia in a position to be hurt again. But now I’m wondering if I overreacted by cutting him off completely from my help and being too harsh.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  Lmao NTA. The absolute audacity of this man to play victim when he hurt an already emotionally fragile woman by standing her up on the date because he was “tired”. Clearly his crush wasn’t strong enough and he wouldn’t do anything to get with her because he royally screwed this opportunity he had. Olivia recently went through a bad breakup with her long-term boyfriend and she was determined to move on FAST.

OP, in this situation you should’ve talked her into taking things slow before dating. I get she was hurting but moving on to the next relationship would lead to more problems than solutions (taking what Liam did as an example). Tell Oliva to stay single for awhile to really get over the breakup and her ex.

With all that said, it is completely understandable why you wouldn’t help Liam out again. What is stopping him from wasting your time and the next person’s time by getting so sauced that he sleeps through another date and does another no show. Liam is selfish and inconsiderate.

abtij37 −  He’d do *anything* for her…except not getting drunk on the day of the date. Yeah right.

Dangerous_Status9853 −  No. The guy is a l**er if he got drunk and took nap before an important event? And worse, he couldn’t be bothered to set an alarm. Who does that? The real problem is this guy’s s**tty judgment and lack of any sense of responsibility. You should not actively keep them apart, but you have no need to get involved. There is probably a reason a 23 year old “man” needs you to hook him up instead of doing it himself.

whoopsieProduct-1698 −  NTA. People usually put their best self forward during the early stages of courtship. If they’re actually honest about how they present themselves or are just acting, that’s a different story.

But if he couldn’t even simulate this now, when first impression matters, he’s only going to get worse when he becomes comfortable and secure with his person of interest. And the fact that he can’t accept responsibility and doesn’t see it as a big deal anyway… that’s a sure sign he will invalidate her experiences and feelings in the future also.. You’re a good friend.

dryadduinath −  NTA. No friend of yours deserves that kind of treatment, and the way he’s behaved since only reinforces that.  If you have any enemies, however, feel free to set him up with them. 

GuyFromLI747 −  NTA .. there’s an old saying , you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

PoppysWorkshop −  NTA. If the d**bass is so stupid to get drunk because his team won, and then sleep through the time he was supposed to go on a date with his “massive crush”, then yeah, I would say he lost out, as this is a precursor of how he would treat her in a relationship. For you, you did your part and he used up any good will. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me type of thing.

When I was much, much younger, I helped get someone hired where I worked as a busboy. Well he totally F’d up, got fired, and that kind of blew back on me with… *I thought you said he was a good guy and worker?* After that I never helped him, and he did ask, and I never recommended anyone for a job since then. This is 45 years ago I have kept that policy. Same thing happened once in Uni fixing someone up with a gal. He got drunk acted the fool… Never again.

booboo773 −  NTA. Apparently drinking with his friends was more important. He’s a grown man and needs to accept the consequences of his actions. The fact that he can’t even apologize properly shows just how self centered he is.

Acreage26 −  NTA. Liam is not the catch he seems to think he is. Getting so blasted in the morning that he has to sleep it off is bad enough, but he did it on the day of a date he begged for? And expecting Olivia to give him a second chance? He didn’t buy a ticket and gets no rain check. His unreliability is the problem here, not Olivia. Perhaps your husband can give him an alarm clock for Christmas.

AsparagusWTweak −  NTA. Set him up and get him to meet somewhere. Only don’t tell Olivia anything about the date and just leave him sitting there stood up.