AITA for refusing to sell my inheritance?

A woman shares a disagreement with her husband over the future of her inherited family land. While the land has sentimental value to her and pays for itself, her husband insists they sell it to invest in property elsewhere.

The woman is firm in her decision not to sell, believing it’s her inheritance and should be kept in the family. Now, the couple is at a standstill, with the husband feeling upset and the woman unsure if she’s being unreasonable.

‘ AITA for refusing to sell my inheritance?’

My husband (31m) and I (33f) randomly got to talking about our future living situation. We currently own our home in a small rural town. Keep in mind, my parents are alive and well (hopefully, for a very long time!), and this is all future talk.

I grew up on a hobby farm located on a couple hundred acres. The majority of which pays for itself, as the government pays us to keep it undeveloped. When my parents pass, they have said that the land will be divided between myself and my two siblings.

The issue comes when I mention that it’s nice to have the flexibility of having paid off land if we want to build there someday, or leave it and let our family hunt it, etc. My husband immediately got defensive and said he would never live in my hometown – I reassured him he never would have to, we’d just leave our piece to our kids, it’s no big deal.

He started getting a bit heated and repeating that we’d never live there, so we’d sell it. I immediately said that would never happen. He kept at it, saying it was stupid to keep land that we weren’t living on that could be used to pay for land in a place we’d want to build.

I reiterated it pays for itself, it’s zero burden on our finances to keep and I’d never sell an acre, because I grew up there and it holds sentimental value. It got heated and he implied it was a joint decision, to which I reminded him that inheritance is not a marital asset.

It is mine alone and would then go to our children. I also have grandparents that own miles around the land, that potentially could be included, so selling any of it makes zero sense when it could be a great asset later used by our children, nieces, and nephews.

Needless to say, he’s irritated with me and we aren’t speaking currently. Personally, the decision isn’t up for discussion, it’s my choice. If it were just inherited money, of course I’d use it for the family and we’d decide moreso as a team, but AITA for not entertaining the idea?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Toodyfish −  NTA. As you said, inheritance isn’t marital property. I wouldn’t sell either

RockerStubbs −  Wow so he thinks he gets to decide you’re never living on it *and* what you should do with it? He sounds pretty entitled to something you don’t even have yet, and won’t for a very long time. NTA

Totalwreck_61 −  NTA. It’s your land. He needs to understand it’s your family and he needs to be respectful. My husband will get an inheritance and I’ve no say in it. We’ve decided together because he asked me, however, we both agree on what would be done. But I would never tell him what to do – it’s yours and your children’s. He needs to be respectful.

lilly361063 −  NTA. You have every right to decide what happens to your inheritance, especially land that holds significant sentimental value and poses no financial burden. While it’s important to discuss financial matters in a marriage, inheritance like land is ultimately your decision to make.

Your husband should respect your wishes and the emotional importance of this land to you, rather than pushing for its sale. It’s concerning that he doesn’t acknowledge the personal and future familial value of keeping the land, and it’s worth addressing this lack of understanding in your discussions.

LeaJadis −  NTAH. I really have a problem with his insistence on you selling something that 1) you don’t own and will hopefully not own for decades and 2) you have sentimental and family attachment. I mean he did even discuss it. Is he usually like this?

Low_Echidna3042 −  NTA – he has no say whatsoever. Hold your ground. I would talk to a lawyer and see about making a trust with the land so it goes to your kids and bypasses you and your husband if you are worried about him in anyway.

xpk14m −  I would set up a will/ trust. It doesn’t matter how old you are. If you die before him there go your “wishes”.

Alert-Artichoke-2743 −  NTA This is not about money. It’s about power. He was freaked out that you will inherit a huge amount of land that won’t be his, and over which he will hold no control. If he sells your inheritance and finances something he wants, it’s half his, and not an heirloom of your family’s.

Because it’s something from your parents and for your kids, however, it’s a choice over which he has no power whatsoever. I would be mindful of his feelings in case there is more at play here, but it is the correct stance that this has nothing to do with him and he will never get a vote.

If he goes on about “would never live there,” just point out that nobody has ever asked him to. If he talks about selling, let him know that there is no planet on which that will ever happen. As for the silent treatment, treat it like a vacation. Go about your day normally.

Don’t be angry with him, punish him, anything – do your normal share of stuff around the house, and entertain yourself however you like. The silent treatment is also an attempt to exert power over you.

It takes two to fight, so just refuse to participate. This will also help you keep your mood up in case he decides to revisit the fight. It sounds like you have an insecure spouse with control issues.

Local_Equipment_7162 −  NTA. It’s your family home, family land, history, etc. He has no say. He needs to stay in his own lane. Although I do share everything, including inheritance, with my husband, my husband would tell me that a decision like this was mine to make and would support my choice. That’s what your husband should do.

Sweetest_Teaz −  NTA, and good on you for standing firm. Your husband’s logic about selling land that costs you nothing to keep doesn’t make sense, especially when it’s tied to so much family history and sentimental value. Not to mention, land is one of the few assets that only grows in value over time.

It’s not like you’re sitting on a pile of Beanie Babies here. It sounds like he might be projecting some other frustration onto this conversation, so hopefully, once he cools down, he’ll realize how unreasonable he’s being. Until then, keep enjoying the moral high ground sounds like a great view from there.

Do you think the user is justified in keeping the land despite her husband’s wishes, or should they have come to a mutual decision about its future? How would you handle the situation if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts and join the conversation below!