AITA for refusing to see my husband on his birthday?
A woman (unknown age) agreed to her husband’s birthday plans but later learned he told his sister she was busy with friends, making her look like a liar. This left her feeling betrayed, as they had previously discussed saving money and spending his birthday together.
Upset with his decision and how he handled it, she refuses to make any birthday plans for him. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to see my husband on his birthday?’
It’s my husband’s birthday next week. A few days after his sisters. His sister messaged me asking if I had any plans for him this weekend and whether we would like to come and see her and have a “joint birthday get together” (she lives 5 hours away, round trip).
I said sure that sounds great, and that I had no plans for him this weekend, but I am doing something special on his actual birthday. I do have something on with my friends on Saturday morning, but this is literally 1 hour and did not impact us potentially seeing his sister at all (this is relevant later).
I spoke to my husband about this, and he said he wanted to do something, just him and I, for his birthday e.g. dinner, spend the day together etc. And we also needed to save for many upcoming expenses (vacation soon, and moving house), and going down to see her would be expensive in fuel, gifts, having to pay for her dinner (she doesn’t pay for anything), etc.
I told him I already told her we were free, so he said he would call her and handle it, and make up an excuse that he was seeing his own friends this weekend and couldn’t make it. I agreed to this. He called her, and then after the call he told me, he had actually told her he was free this weekend, but he told her I was not.
And that I was actually going to see my friends. He said his sister was surprised and said “but OP didn’t mention she was busy?”. This has put me in such an awkward position. His sister told him it doesn’t matter if I’m busy, and for him to come and see her anyway.
I asked him why he changed the whole story and pretty much threw me under the bus? He said he felt sorry for her on the phone and didn’t want her to spend her birthday without him, despite telling me a whole different story, just an hour ago.
And that it was fine if he changed his mind (I do recognise it’s okay for him to change his mind and actually decide to see her). I feel massively betrayed, it’s like he told me one thing and her, another. I told her I was free on the weekend, and he said I’m busy with friends, making me look like a l**r.
He said we weren’t going to see her as we were saving up, but then totally flipped on the phone. He called me s**fish and cold and two-faced, saying I’m f**e to his sister and asking why I have a problem with him seeing her.
But the problem is really how he handled all of this and he has pretty much stopped me from going too, by telling her I’m busy. I told him I refuse to plan anything for his birthday now, I’m just so hurt and feel betrayed. I told him I don’t want to see him this weekend, so all the plans are out the window.. AITA?
See what others had to share with OP:
Isyourmammaallama − NTA and red flags
ThrowRADel − Wow, your husband is allergic to any kind of accountability. That would be a really unattractive trait for me. 🙁 Absolutely NTA, you did nothing wrong.
friendlily − NTA. The only thing you did wrong was say SIL’s plan sounds great without talking to him first. You should have been vague, said you’ll talk to him, and get back to her. He called me s**fish and cold and two-faced, saying I’m f**e to his sister and asking why I have a problem with him seeing her.
WTF? He didn’t just throw you under the bus, he’s calling you names, being cruel, and completely flipping the script. Is he always like this or is this out of the blue? If this is typical, you need to get out.
If it’s not, you two need to have a serious conversation about how he is trying to change what happened to fit his narrative, how he’s lying to you, how he’s lying to his sister, and how he can’t throw you under the bus, etc. Also, I would tell SIL your side of the story. Don’t let your husband make you look bad. She may not believe you but at least you tried.
Old-Willingness3622 − You’re husband is wrong why would he do that i would go and make him look stupid
[Reddit User] − He threw you under the bus, babe. He didn’t want to go so used you as an excuse. Put sister on speaker phone and say ‘yes, something has come up but husband is still available so I’ll send him down to you..’. Let him get out of that one. NTA.
aclownandherdolly − NTA While it is a d**k move to make plans without confirming with your husband first, what he did is way worse
1) He lied to you about what he was going to tell her
2) When he switched it up and threw you under the bus, it made you look like a l**r
3) He suddenly decides he IS going to visit his sister but basically made sure that YOU can’t come
4) He resorted to calling you out of your name all these n**ty things
What you did was a social faux pas, very easy to fix. What he did was lie, shut you out, name call you, and blame you for being upset about his manipulation
His behaviour is more apt to be called what he called you
tinyahjumma − ESH, but him more so. S**fish and cold and two-faced? That’s rich. You are both ratcheting up the drama to 11.
CommissionSorry410 − I’m wondering why you simply didn’t tell SIL the truth, you are saving up for upcoming expenses and choose to celebrate husband’s birthday with just the two of you. You guys need to work on your communication, both between the two of you as well as with SIL.
Origen_Species − Honestly, did it never occur to anyone to just tell the truth?
What do you think? Is it reasonable for her to feel hurt and refuse to see him? Share your thoughts below!