AITA for refusing to punish or allow my wife to punish our son?

A father is in conflict with his wife over how to handle perceived fairness between their children. After their 13-year-old son attended a friend’s Disney trip, their 9-year-old daughter felt left out. Now, the wife suggests excluding the son from a family beach vacation to “even the score.”

The father refuses, asserting it’s unfair to punish their son for an opportunity that came his way. Was he wrong to stand firm, or is his wife’s approach misguided?

‘ AITA for refusing to punish or allow my wife to punish our son?’

This all started back in March. My son’s best friend turned thirteen. In his family, thirteenth birthday is a huge deal. In addition to a massive party (which all four of us were invited to) his parents also took him to Disney World. They invited my son to attend as well. My wife was hesitant to consent to this.

She said it was unfair to allow our son to go when our nine year old daughter can’t. Especially since she loves Disney and princesses. I said that our kids won’t always have the exact same opportunities, and if we set a precedent here, we’ll have to stick to it if and when our daughter gets a similar opportunity.

So we’d just be punishing both our children needlessly. My wife reluctantly agreed that we should allow our son to go. I gave our son money to buy his sister souvenirs. He did, and his friend’s parents even bought extra stuff for him to give to her.

Still, when she saw him come back wearing a Star Wars shirt with the Mickey hat and trading pin lanyard, she burst into tears. My wife later said we made a huge mistake and never should have let him go. I (mistakenly) thought all of that was behind us. Now, we are not well off financially, but my BiL is,

and he invited all of us to visit a beach house he rented for a summer send-off. My wife told me she wants to have our son stay with my dad and just take out daughter to “even the score.” I told my wife that isn’t happening. We are their parents. We can’t favor one child over the other.

Not being invited to the birthday trip of a kid you barely know is in no way comparable to being left out of a *family vacation* and I’m shocked she would even suggest such a thing. I refuse to allow it. Now my wife is angry, but I don’t care. I’m not punishing my son for being lucky. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

QueenGuinevereKitten −  NTA. Your wife sounds like she has a clear favourite out of the two kids and isn’t afraid to show it. Of course your son should go on vacation with you all. I’m shocked that she would want him to miss out. That’s awful. Is she always this unkind to him?

[Reddit User] −  NTA. But your wife?? Whewwww. When your daughter doesn’t make varsity volleyball, will you pull your son from varsity baseball and punish him for making varsity the previous year, too?

How about when your son makes partner, but your daughter doesn’t? Oh, oh, oh. How about when your son has kids and your daughter miscarries?? What will your wife do then???

Careful-Bumblebee-10 −  NTA. Die on this hill. You were 100% correct that your kids aren’t going to receive the same opportunities in life. Daughter has to learn how to handle situations like this in life, because she’s not always going to be treated the same or have the same opportunities as everyone around her and she needs to learn to handle that with grace.

Also this is your family inviting you like you said, not a child’s friend. Your wife would be excluding your son from his entire family, which is just awful. Let your wife be angry about this, she’s completely out of line. What a strange reaction. I wonder what the root of it really is.. ETA: Thank you for the awards!

FloppyEaredDog −  Info: Does you wife like her son? What kind of mum excludes their child from a family vacation for no reason? Edit: The more I think about I’m appalled a mum could be so callous and cold to her gown son. Your son’s mum is supposed to be his advocate and protector, not the person who hurts him emotionally. NTA. Edited. Thanks to u/braellrya for pointing out my error.

BearyHills615 −  NTA You’re right, the kids are different with their own set of friends and life opportunities. They can’t and shouldn’t be raised together all the time. Your wife is being incredibly unreasonable with that type of ask to “even the score”. Hope you get it worked out.. ✌🏽

letsdoitforthememes −  NTA Son doesn’t need to be “punished” just because he got a privilege his sister didn’t. Excluding him from a family vacation for some sort of “justice” is an absurd way of thinking.

GreekAmericanDom −  NTA couple counseling now. Your wife may need individual counseling as well.. WTF is wrong with her?!?!? You keep on having your kids’ back. She’s going to f**k up her relationship with them if she is not careful.

BecausePancakess −  NTA. Wtf is wrong with her.

Impossible-Pie6059 −  NTA, Your BIL invited the FAMILY, I believe your son is part of that. It also seems to me that your wife favours your daughter over your son. This seems like a red flag. Is there a difference in how she normally acts between the children?

anon466544 −  NTA. This just seems cruel to your son. He bought his sister souvenirs and as you said, life isn’t always fair.