AITA for refusing to pay my daughter as much as my son and refusing to supplement her check so that their equal?

Family businesses often come with their own set of challenges—especially when it involves mixing work, money, and sibling rivalry. In this case, a small construction company run by a dedicated parent finds itself in a heated dispute over wages.

The company employs his son, who works on dangerous roofing jobs at $25/hr, while his daughter, working elsewhere as a cashier, earns $15/hr. When a conversation about fair pay turns into a full-blown argument at home, it raises questions about how compensation is determined and whether fairness is measured by effort or expectations.

What began as a simple inquiry into pay differences has since evolved into a week-long family standoff. The daughter, surprised by the disparity and upset by the notion that job difficulty should dictate earnings, demanded that the company “make up” the difference between her paycheck and her brother’s.

Despite an offer to pay her the same rate if she chose to work on the roof—a job she finds too physically demanding—she rejected the idea. Now, both she and her mother have resorted to the silent treatment, leaving the father caught in the middle of a dilemma that pits family loyalty against the cold hard facts of the work world.

‘AITA for refusing to pay my daughter as much as my son and refusing to supplement her check so that their equal?’

In the realm of family businesses, clear boundaries between personal relationships and professional roles are essential. Compensation is typically based on the nature of the job, including the level of risk, physical demand, and skill required. When it comes to roofing—a task that is both hazardous and labor-intensive—it’s not surprising that a higher hourly wage is justified. In contrast, cashier work, while important and challenging in its own right, involves a different set of responsibilities and risks.

Dr. John Sullivan, a renowned expert in human resources and compensation strategy, once said, “When compensation is tied to the specific demands and risks of a role, it not only reflects fairness but also incentivizes performance.”  This perspective underscores that the pay gap in this situation isn’t a matter of favoritism or discrimination—it’s a reflection of market forces and the intrinsic demands of each job.

In any well-run organization, wages are calculated based on a variety of factors such as physical labor, environmental hazards, and the skill set required, rather than on personal relationships or feelings of entitlement.

Further complicating matters, family dynamics can blur these lines, leading to emotional responses that challenge the objective logic of wage determination. The daughter’s frustration appears to stem not from a perceived injustice in her own work but from the belief that equal family status should equate to equal pay.

However, as any seasoned business owner will attest, different roles inherently carry different levels of responsibility and risk. The offer to bring her into the roofing crew at the same rate was an attempt to level the playing field—but it also highlighted that not all roles are interchangeable, nor are they equally appealing to everyone.

Moreover, this incident serves as a valuable life lesson about the importance of self-reliance. In the real world, salaries are not a matter of entitlement but a reflection of the job market’s valuation of a particular role.

For the daughter, this conflict might be an uncomfortable but necessary insight into the harsh realities of professional life, where fairness is determined by performance and suitability rather than by familial bonds. In the end, setting and maintaining these boundaries not only ensures the company’s efficiency but also teaches invaluable lessons about accountability and personal choice.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community was quick to weigh in, and the consensus was clear: NTA (Not the Asshole). Many users pointed out that wages should reflect job difficulty and risk, not family ties. Comments ranged from humorous jabs about “equal work, equal pay” to sharp critiques of the daughter’s sense of entitlement.

One user humorously noted that if she demanded a wage hike simply for being family, the entire concept of market-driven pay would collapse—leaving no room for negotiations in the real world. The overwhelming sentiment was that the father’s decision was a necessary stand for professional integrity.

This family business dispute underscores the delicate balance between fairness in the workplace and family loyalty. While it’s natural to wish for equal treatment among loved ones, the reality is that different roles come with different expectations and challenges.

The situation serves as a wake-up call: in the business world, compensation is tied to the specific demands of each job. How do you think families can better navigate the intersection of personal relationships and professional responsibilities? Share your thoughts and join the conversation on where to draw the line between duty and fairness in family enterprises.