AITA for refusing to pay my brother back for things that he said I could “have”?

A woman who grew up in foster care recounts a tense interaction with her uncle, who she once believed was her older brother. Before entering care, he gave her items like a PS2, an electric guitar, and clothes, which she understood to be gifts.

Years later, he demanded these items back or £600 as reimbursement, claiming they were lent, not given. The items had been damaged in storage, and she refused to pay, citing financial struggles. This led to a heated exchange, with her uncle storming out and her grandmother offering support. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to pay my brother back for things that he said I could “have”?’

To cut a very, very long story short I was raised by my grandma (and believed she was my mother until I was 11) until I was 13 when social services got involved and felt she could no longer care for me properly and I was going to be placed with a foster family.

My “older brother” who’s actually my uncle, had already moved out, gave me a few things before I left. These things were a PS2, a few games, an old electric guitar and amp, 2 pairs of jeans and a hoodie.

My foster parents already owned an X Box 360 and I also found a PS2 slim and some more games by an elderly neighbour when I helped him clear out his attic and he said I could keep them,

so I never really used the PS2 my brother gave me and the first Christmas I was with my foster parents they bought me a new electric guitar and amp. Once I hit 14 my boobs went from an A cup to a DD in a year so the hoodie didn’t fit anymore and when I was 15 my hips and ass came in too so the jeans no longer fit either.

My brothers stuff all got stored in the garage but unfortunately they all got ruined during a flood. My foster parents showed me what a loving, caring family was really like and ended up adopting me when I was 16 and I now consider them my parents and I love them very much,

however a couple of years ago I decided I wanted to try to reconnect with my grandma and we’ve now developed a more normal relationship and she seemed genuinely remorseful over what happened and her lack of contact over the years,

but I hadn’t seen my “brother”until recently when he showed up whilst I was visiting. Initially it was really nice and we talked about how the past few years had been for the both of us and I was happy until he said “So can I have my stuff back now?”

I asked what he meant and he said “You know the stuff I gave you when you left? The PS2, the games, the clothes, my guitar!” I replied with “Oh them, well you said I could **have** them, not **borrow** them so I considered them to be gifts.” He said “Look, I only gave them to you because I felt sorry for you.

Just give them back.” I explained that every thing had gotten damaged. He said “Typical. You know if you weren’t such a f**k up you wouldn’t have had to be put into care anyway! You can pay me back for all that stuff. That’s like £600 you owe me!” I laughed in his face and said “No way am I paying you that much!

If you really want the PS2 back that badly I have a slim version you can have (even though I’d like to keep it) even though they were definitely gifts, but I’m not paying you a damn penny!” He called me a “f**king b**ch” and an “a**hole” and then stormed out.

My Grandma said “Don’t worry about him, I’ll make sure he won’t be around you again.” After he stormed out. I only work as a barista and with the cost of living crisis I barely have enough money to pay for Christmas presents for everyone this year,

£600 is literally unattainable for me but I’m wondering AITA? He never said he expected them back but he never explicitly said they were gifts, only that I could “have” them.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Cultural_Section_862 −  NTA don’t let that… man push you around

frequentrip −  NTA. Sounds like he’s hard up for money and is trying to take advantage of your now-good situation. You were a child. You were never a f**k-up, and the fact that this grown adult would resort to insulting you to try to extort you for money sort of explains why you didn’t get to know a loving family until you met your current parents.

Maintain your relationship to your grandmother, but ensure he’s never around when you visit. He’s not a safe man for you to be around.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…So, items were given to you when you were 13, outgrew or damaged by age 16, I am assuming you are older now, and “brother” expected you to give items back? Then when you state you do not have them, he wants money.

Which I think were his intentions all along. He is shady for not only trying to extort from you, but to do so at a higher cost then they would now be worth. I say you continue to tell him to go pound bricks.

OldMetalHead −  He said “Look, I only gave them to you because I felt sorry for you. Just give them back.” So, you admit it was a gift then. Your uncle sounds like a real j**k. You would think he would be happy to hear from you after all that time. Sad that he only wants to take advantage. NTA

_s1m0n_s3z −  Dude has a d**g debt he can’t pay, and is getting anxious. NTA. Or a habit he can’t afford.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. Your parents aren’t running a storage business. You’re not responsible for his stuff. Blaming you for your guardian’s inability to properly care for you is absolutely nuts. You don’t need a “brother” like this.

Famous_Specialist_44 −  He gave them. Even if he hadn’t he’s waited too long to ask for them back.. NTA for telling him nope. 

Joking_J −  NTA — Look, if the first thing a family member thinks after a hard goodbye and long years apart is “hey, I wonder what I can get out of this kid?” that’s not someone you need to engage with, at all.

There’s no contract written or verbal here, and ultimately he **gave** you some things of (relatively speaking) little value as social services punted you into foster care (sorry to hear about that, btw). That *would* be a nice gesture, except he’s decided to use it years later to try to extort you,

his own younger niece, for £600 (also an entirely arbitrary amount of money, which is just as likely to be what he needs to make rent, pay a debt, or whatever). This guy is at or near bottom, and you’re best off just cutting him loose.

I wish family were always worthy of love and trust, forgiveness and acceptance, but believe me when I say that’s not always the case — sometimes the situation demands we earn those things from each other, even family. And yeah, he’s not earning it.

So don’t dwell on it. You don’t owe him anything, legally or morally, even if the situation leaves you unsettled (it would do to anyone). Keep focusing on doing well for you and the people that love you, that’s it.

StellaBellaa_ −  Your brother sounds like a walking red flag. You were in a tough spot, and he gave you those things with no strings attached, so claiming them back years later is just wild. If he was that attached to his PS2, he should’ve kept it in the first place.

And calling you a “f**k up” over stuff that got ruined? Nah, that’s just cold. You’re under no obligation to pay him back for a single thing. If he wants to be petty, that’s on him, but you’re in the clear here. You don’t owe him £600 for things that were gifts, period. Keep doing you!

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…Just say NO, and move on with your life. If can’t treat you with respect, he doesn’t deserve any more consideration.

Was it fair for her uncle to demand repayment for items he once said she could “have,” or was she justified in her refusal? Is she being too dismissive, or was he out of line given the circumstances? Share your thoughts below!