AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s college after she publicly humiliated me?
A child-free woman (45F) had planned to fund her niece Emily’s (18F) college, but during Emily’s graduation party, the niece publicly mocked her for not having kids and having “extra money.” The woman felt humiliated, especially since her brother and sister-in-law laughed at the remark.
After confronting Emily, who dismissed it as a joke, and receiving no apology, she decided to withdraw her financial support. Her brother called her selfish, accusing her of overreacting to a “harmless joke.” read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s college after she publicly humiliated me?’
I (45F) am child-free by choice but have always been close to my brother (47M) and his daughter, Emily (18F). Over the years, I’ve saved up a decent amount of money, and I offered to help pay for Emily’s college when the time came.
She’s a smart kid, and I wanted to give her opportunities I never had growing up. Everything was fine until last month. I was invited to Emily’s high school graduation party, which was a big deal in our family. During the party, Emily gave a speech thanking everyone for their support.
She thanked her parents, her grandparents, even her friends. Then she paused, looked at me, and said: “And a big thanks to Aunt (me) for not having kids so she could spoil me like I’m hers. Must be nice having all that extra money and no responsibilities.” The entire room laughed, and I froze.
I could feel everyone looking at me, and all I could do was smile awkwardly. I’ve heard jokes about being child-free before, but this felt cruel and unnecessary, especially since I’ve sacrificed a lot to save for her future. My brother and sister-in-law laughed too, which hurt even more.
After the party, I confronted Emily privately. She rolled her eyes and said it was just a joke, and I needed to lighten up. My brother brushed it off, saying, “Teenagers can be dumb, don’t take it personally.” I’ve spent weeks thinking about this, and I’ve decided to withdraw my offer to pay for her college.
I feel like she doesn’t respect me or the effort I’ve made to support her. When I told my brother, he blew up at me, calling me selfish and accusing me of punishing Emily for “one harmless joke.”Emily hasn’t apologized, and now I’m questioning if I’m being too harsh.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Temporary_Nebula_295 − When they demand the money again, tell them you have bought yourself a holiday home and the money is gone. When they complain about you letting them down, tell them it’s one of the perks of having no kids – you have no responsibilities to anyone. NTA.
Tfuentexxx − She hasn’t apologized, which means you are not being too harsh. I understand the teenager/stupid/jokes scenario, but if she does not apologize and repent for humiliating you, even if that was not her intention, then you still are not harsh enough. Do not cave.
Have some self respect and teach this kid and her parents that actions have consequences. Let them deal with them. Grow a spine. Driving under influence might be a teenager stupid mistake, but after the accident and the innocent people killed the consequences will not disappear just because you are a stupid teenager making a mistake, life does not work like that.
Historical_Agent9426 − NTA “Emily’s little joke made me realize that I have all this extra money and it would be nice to spend it on myself because, as she reminded everyone, she isn’t really my responsibility.” She has had plenty of opportunities to apologize,
but she is going to have to learn the hard way not to bite the hand that feeds her. Too bad her parents never taught her gratitude, but something tells me she learned this sense of entitlement from them. 🤷🏻♀️ guess they all are going to learn a very expensive lesson.
ETA: I posted this before the edit which calls the veracity of the entire post into question. However, the post pre-edit resonated with me because I have seen this dynamic in families, the expectation unmarried people will sacrifice for the people with children and a sense of entitlement where wealthier family members are concerned, and it takes its toll on relationships.
Flumoaxed − Emily is parroting the hateful bs your brother has been talking about you. NTA spend it on yourself
ATLien_3000 − High school graduation party in the US in November?
LearnsFromExperience − I’m making a list of immediate red-flag phrases and I’m gonna have to add to it now. 1 “If you really love me…” 2 “Keep the peace for the family…”. and now…. 3 “It was just a harmless joke…”
YaddaBoomBadda − NTA “Must be nice… not to have any responsibilities” is not a joke. It’s a judgment against childless women. If he thinks so lowly of people in your situation, he shouldn’t expect to benefit from them.
Cursd818 − NTA Emily has not apologised because she is not sorry. And this is an attitude that she has very clearly learned from her parents, who view you as nothing more than an ATM so they can avoid paying for their own kid. If you give in, they will never see you as anything else. Prioritise yourself.
And even IF they apologise, make it clear that the money is off the table. If they want an actual relationship with you, they’ll accept that they gave up the right to your money. If they rescind their apology because the money train has ended, cut them off entirely.
pookapotomus2 − Nta. “Oh sorry, my offer was only a joke! I know how much you all love jokes!”
FloMoJoeBlow − NTA. Why does brother think it’s OP’s responsibility to pay for his kid’s college?
Is she justified in pulling her support after feeling disrespected, or is she overreacting to a teenager’s poor judgment? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!