AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend’s birthday dinner?

A Reddit user recently shared their frustration after refusing to pay for their girlfriend’s $550 birthday dinner. After enjoying a celebratory meal with her family and friends, they thought she had saved up to cover the bill. However, when the time came to settle the cost, she expected him to pay, citing his higher income as a reason.

The situation caused tension, leading to him avoiding her after the dinner. Some friends believe he overreacted, but he feels the surprise was unfair. Read the original story below to get all the details and share your thoughts.

‘AITA for refusing to pay for my girlfriend’s birthday dinner?’

 

So it was my girlfriend’s birthday last week and she decided to have a birthday dinner over the weekend and invited her friends and some family that lived nearby. It was a good time and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. At the end of the night it came time to pay the bill and everyone just started to pack up and leave.

I thought they forgot about the bill so I called them all back but my girlfriend said that I should let them go. So I stupidly thought she had saved up to pay the bill. But no she expected me to pay it. She said that I easily make more than anyone there and I should just cover it as a birthday gift. She said this like it was a small bill.

The bill (translating to USD) was $550. Obviously a lot of money. This is so much money Most of the cost was alcohol which I had one glass of wine because I still had to drive. So I said no, paid for my share and my girlfriend and the tip and left. That really soured my mood.

When we got back to my place my girlfriend was a bit tipsy and wanted to stay up but I just said I was tired and went to bed. I avoided her on Sunday and I woke up early before her to go to the office today and have just been ignoring her messages.

Some of our friends are saying I shouldn’t be mad because it’s not even that much for me because I make (translated to USD) a six figure salary. I still don’t think it was fair to spring that on me though. The thing is, I wouldn’t have had a problem had she just asked.

But the fact that she made it a surprise just irked me. I’m thinking that perhaps I’m too caught up on the principle of the issue rather than the actions themselves.
Edut: I didn’t let the other guests leave before paying.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Ok-Horror-1049 −  NTA. But this again… I wish I could tell EVERYONE IN THE WORLD- **before** a group dinner, make sure you know what the plans are for the check!
Your GF was the AH for not discussing this with you prior and just expecting you to go along.

You need to stop avoiding her, sit down, and discuss your boundaries (whatever they may be) in regard to her expectations towards YOUR finances and how/ if/ when she is allowed to avail herself of them (especially w/o your prior consent).

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. A low six figure salary isn’t that much in this day and age, and $550 for a dinner is a ton of money, no matter how much you make. It sounds like you need to find yourself a set of friends who don’t view you as a gold mine just because you happen to have a good job.

If they want to live paycheck to paycheck, that’s on them. You shouldn’t be blowing all your money on your girlfriend, her family, and your friends. You should be saving up for a house for the sake of your future family, which may or may not include this girl. Based on this latest interaction, I advise you to go with the “not” option.

tinymi3 −  yikes NTA – I have a 6-figure salary and \*I\* still think $500 is a lot to spring on someone! some kind of e**itled for her to just expect you’d cover the entire bill for \*her\* friends and family. Assuming that your SO will just cover an entire dinner – without even asking – is pretty bananas. What she did was presumptuous and disrespectful.

Your money is not hers to use.That said, you should stop giving her the silent treatment, bc that’s about as mature as what she did. It doesn’t take much to say “listen, i’m really irritated that you presumed I’d just cover the dinner without asking me first. I need some space to think this through and we can talk later.”

ReviewOk929 −  But no she expected me to pay it. NTA – Anyone who “surprises” you by making/expecting you to pay the bill is the a**hole no matter how much you earn, it’s just a s**tty thing to do

TrainingDearest −  NTA. Your income has nothing to do with it. Your girlfriend was an AH for not discussing this with you at all. She was the host, she made the plan and she invited the guests.

It even seems like she communicated to them that they were not expected to pay anything… yet at NO point did she communicate any of this with you. This is a red flag, and if this is indicative of her true character, then it’s a relationship-ender.

hubertburnette −  NTA. Your gf has shown you who she is. Believe her.

mousepallace −  NTA. It’s not that you wouldn’t have been generous, just that she was completely taking you for granted. You had every right to be upset. Presumably she told all her guests that you’d be paying before hand. It’s easy to be flash with other people’s money.

skorvia −  NTA. This type of behavior seems to be going viral, I’ve seen several TikToks where girlfriends try to force the groom to pay for everyone at the table, without prior notice or agreement, and I find it very disrespectful… you shouldn’t put up with that stuff!!

Why does she think she has the right? Today it’s dinner, tomorrow her parents’ house? Her friends’ vacation? If you give in once, she’ll use you as an ATM forever.

RoyallyOakie −  NTA…That’s too much money to not have a prior conversation. If your girlfriend isn’t apologetic about this, then you know what kind of person she is.

NandoDeColonoscopy −  I’m confused who paid for the rest of the dinner…? You say your GF shoo’d her friends away, and then you paid for your portion and her portion. Did the friends return? Did the restaurant let you leave without paying? Or did you try to turn a TikTok trend into a reddit post and got tripped up on details?