AITA for refusing to pay for my daughter’s wedding after finding out her fiancé used to bully my son?
A father (50M) is refusing to pay for his daughter’s (25F) wedding after learning that her fiancé (27M) used to bully his son (23M) in high school. While the son has moved on and asked for no drama, the father feels funding the wedding would betray his son’s painful past. His daughter is furious, and his wife wants him to reconsider. Read the full story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to pay for my daughter’s wedding after finding out her fiancé used to bully my son?’
I (50M) have two kids: my daughter (25F), who is getting married next year, and my son (23M), who came out as gay in high school. My son had a really rough time in school. He was bullied relentlessly, and it took a toll on his mental health. He’s doing much better now, but those years left scars.
Last month, my daughter introduced us to her fiancé (27M). I recognized him immediately as one of the kids who made my son’s life hell. When I quietly brought it up to my son later, he confirmed it but told me not to make a big deal about it because he’s “moved on.”
Here’s the thing: I haven’t moved on. I can’t stand the thought of helping pay for a wedding to someone who tormented my son. I told my daughter this, and she said her fiancé has changed and regrets his actions. She asked me to let it go for her sake. I said I’m happy for her but that I can’t, in good conscience, fund the wedding.
Now, my daughter is furious with me and claims I’m punishing her for something she had no part in. My wife thinks I should reconsider, but I feel like funding this wedding would betray my son. My son is staying neutral and says he doesn’t want to be the reason for family drama, but I can tell the situation is making him uncomfortable. My daughter says I’m ruining her big day and being petty.. AITA?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
__lavender − You met your daughter’s fiancé for the first time *after* they got engaged? What’s the rush to get married? If her fiancé has truly changed then he should be making amends to his future brother in law before the wedding, and he should be taking the time to integrate better into the family before the wedding.
EDIT: y’all I am BEGGING you to stop commenting that this story is fake. I agree it’s probably fake. You are at least the twelfth person to reply to my comment with “it’s fake.” My advice still stands. Stooooppppppp.
Ok_Structure4685 − Now, my daughter is furious with me and claims I’m punishing her for something she had no part in. BS, why is she even close with someone like that in the first place? There are nearly 4 billion men on the planet, but she chooses to be with the one who used to bully her little brother…NTA,
asafeplaceofrest − INFO – Has her fiancé expresssed *to you* and your son that he regrets what he did, and that he has changed? Or has it all been second-hand through your daughter? I think I would want a heart-felt apology directly from him before I “moved on” from it.
But you can’t force it out of him. If your daughter asks you what can he do to make it right, you could mention it to her. And then there is a place for forgiveness when someone has truly repented. You could all wind up being a truly close and loving family.
Competitive-Week-935 − I’m confused. So this kid who was 4 yrs older than your son bullied him all the way through high school? Did he fail a few times? Your daughter who is dead in the middle of their ages had no idea? And she never once mentioned the fiance’s name before he was a fiance? This whole story doesn’t make any sense.
NefariousnessFresh24 − INFO: Has the fiance apologized to your son? Has he told him that he is sorry? And I don’t mean a half-assed “Hey, sorry for what happened” but a genuine apology? If the two of them have made their peace, then you should be the bigger man and do so as well.
However, if he hasn’t given any indication that he has changed, and you only have your daughter’s word for it, then you are right to be suspicious. Do your trust your daughter enough to not date a guy who would be a major a**hole to your son? Or is she the person who would not care?
celticmusebooks − It’s kind of weird that your daughter got engaged to a man and you’d never met him or knew his name? This sound a bit like ragebait because the problem here isn’t paying for a wedding but the fact that you and your daughter apparently don’t have a very close relationship and that the man she’s marrying and your son will never feel like family.
Ha1rBall − 89.64%. AI GPT*
Tfuentexxx − Please, this is a 27 years old adult man. You have no obligations to him. If he has to give your daughters a wedding then he should pay for it. If your daughter wants a wedding then she should have found a better partner. Do not cave into your wife whims, this will be counterproductive to your son and even your daughter.
Your wife just want the beautiful day where she can be the center of attention again (together with your daughter, of course), but this has more edges than just marrying. You are going to give money to the man who bullied your son, who the hell does that?
I am pretty sure your daughter knew who he was when she started dating him. He is not your responsibility, it’s not your job to make his life better after what he did to your son, your daughter and your wife need to understand this.
New-Arm4845 − Petition to rename this sub “AI ragebait for karma”
BigComfyCouch4 − I hate that there’s always someone who calls every story posted fake. I hate even more being that guy. But there’s 4 years difference in age between the son and the fiance.
When I was in grade 12, I was barely aware of the existence of those in grade 8. I certainly didn’t know any of their names. Caring enough about them to even bother bullying one would be weird. Maybe things are different elsewhere. Maybe this is true.
Is the father right to stand his ground, or should he let the past go for the sake of his daughter’s happiness? Share your thoughts below!