AITA for refusing to pay for a shared holiday with family that I am no longer attending ?

A Reddit user expresses their concern about being asked to pay for a family holiday they can no longer attend after moving overseas. While their sister insists on fairness for the remaining family members, the user feels it’s unfair to cover costs for something they won’t participate in, especially since their budget is tight after the move.

They’re torn between family obligations and their own financial situation. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to pay for a shared holiday with family that I am no longer attending ?’

Our family has been growing, and since last year, we started booking a holiday home in the countryside just before Christmas so we could all spend time together before celebrating separately with our own smaller families. Most of us live in small city apartments, so there’s no space to host everyone.

The house we rent is quite expensive but spacious, with a sauna, fireplace, and a chef’s kitchen—perfect for a Christmas getaway. Each family also has their own room with an ensuite. This year, we booked the same house right after last year’s stay and made the down payment at the beginning of the year.

In May, I informed my family that we (my husband, kids, and I) are moving overseas in September. My cousin and her partner, who are expecting a baby, also decided not to go. Her parents said they’d cover her share of the cost. Now, my sister is asking me to pay for my share, saying it’s unfair for the rest of them to cover the extra cost.

Dividing it among the others would only be about $15 more each, but my sister thinks it’s unfair for my cousin’s parents to pay for our share as well. I’m really torn. Should I just pay to keep the peace? I’m upset because this feels unfair, especially since we’re tight on money after the big move.

It’s also been harder to communicate with my family now that we’re on the other side of the world, though in some ways, being distant from family drama can be a relief. I miss them all and want to do the right thing, but I can’t help feeling this isn’t fair.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

teresajs −  INFO. Did you pay toward the deposit?  Are you asking for that money back?  Will someone else be staying in the room you would otherwise be occupying? If you paid your share of the deposit, are letting it stay applied to this year’s rental, and someone will be using the bedroom (for instance, family members allowing kids to sleep in it), then you aren’t the a**hole.

Economy_Rutabaga9450 −  You gave more than 6 months notice. If the rest cannot afford, they had plenty if time to cancel and rebook. What would they have done if, instead of moving, you had had a terrible accident and needed a wheelchair accessible or special accommodation to access. Would they still have said pay up?

Ir if a family member had passed unexpectedly?. NTA . Life happens. That is why cancelation insurance exists.

JustBecauseOfThat −  YTA. You write in a comment that you committed to being part of booking this house in December last year, and that you also paid your share of the down payment when it was time to pay that. You knew thar the booking was a commitment.

Every other family has agreed to this booking based on what they were told it would cost, which was based on you promising to go. What if 4 families suddenly cancelled? Should whoever is left then be left with the bill for all of them?

If this was a shared skiing trip, and the main expense was individual plane tickets or individual hotel rooms, would you also expect your family to pay for your unused booking because “its less money for them to share”? Of course not. You would know that when you committed to the booking, you committed to paying your share.

For some reason, because it is one shared house, you expect your family to pay for the room you leave empty. You say its 15 per adult, if they have to pay for you. So 30 for every couple. Thats for you, but the same principle should then have applied to your cousin cancelling.

So its 60 per couple extra because some people cancelled after committing. If you were still going, how many couples would have had to cancel, before you would be upset about the extra price? For you and your husband, it must be a total expense around 300 (you mention 20 adults paying 15).

An amount you were already planning to spend and which you had committed to paying. The fact that your cousin’s parents feel they should cover her share instead of just dividing it out on everyone, also tells us something about what the family agreements have been.

I would probably change my mind, if you said that they could easily have cancelled the whole booking in May, gotten the down payment back, and still have been able to find a cheaper and smaller house to book for the remaining couples. Otherwise you have committed to a non-refundable trip.

feminist1946 −  Question. Did you commit in May? If not, you are off the hook.

Delicious-Pick-6971 −  Sorry but YTA. Your stance is it’s NBD for others to fork out for your decision. You’re wrong. It’s your responsibility to pay your share.

starchy2ber −  YTA. Why is it unfair to you exactly? They could have gotten a smaller, cheaper place if you hadn’t committed. But you did. You are the one being unfair by unilaterally changing the plan an putting the costs on everyone else.

If your share of the rental is really so small ($15/family total) then what is the big hardship to you to pay it? Seems likely your math is way off and you flaking out is likely adding a significant cost to each of the family.

warclonex −  INFO. I informed my family that we (my husband, kids, and I) are moving overseas in September. Is that all the conversation was? was it explicitly said that you werent going? Who is the “we” who did the booking and down payment?

zypet500 −  YTA. The trip was planned after factoring you in, somebody has to pay. The change of plans is from your side, it doesn’t make sense for others to pay for your expenses because you can’t make it.

If the trip wasn’t shared and was just in your family, wouldn’t you have had to eat the cost anyway? It’s the same logic. Why do you get to not pay because there’s someone else who can now cover your share?

And, you said it’s $15 per person! For the sake of the poor soul who had to organize a trip for this many people and coordinate, if I were you I’d just pay it. You’re looking at it from a “what’s in it for me POV”, but try looking at it from the POV of people who are paying for your change of plans.

People book expensive villas and cabins after factoring in everybody’s that’s going to be there. You can’t take one room out like it’s a hotel room and it doesn’t benefit anyone having a spare room nobody needs. 

Sodamyte −  INFO: did you ask for a refund of any kind when you discovered you couldn’t go? If not Definitely NTA and remind them you already paid for a trip you won’t be on

Ill_Possibility854 −  If you committed you pay yta

Balancing family commitments and personal circumstances can be challenging. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!