AITA for refusing to pay for a house item my roommates bought without consulting me?
A woman living with three roommates felt excluded when they went out without inviting her and later asked her to split the cost of a $3 flower vase they bought for the house. Although the amount is minimal, she feels hurt about being left out and not consulted.
She wonders if refusing to pay would make her the bad person in this situation. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to pay for a house item my roommates bought without consulting me?’
I live with three roommates, and the other day, they all went out to the mall to hang out without even inviting me. I was left at home alone, and honestly, it made me feel kind of left out.
Later, when they came back, they sent a message in our group chat saying they bought a flower vase for the house and wanted to split the cost four ways, including me. The thing is, I wasn’t part of the decision, and they didn’t even bother asking me if I was okay with it.
It’s only $3, so it’s not about the money, but I feel like it’s unfair since I wasn’t included in any of this. I see them as friends, so it hurt that no one even thought to invite me or ask my opinion. Would I be the a**hole if I refused to pay?
See what others had to share with OP:
Perimentalpause − NTA. Paying for ‘shared household items’ is stupid. When the house splits up, someone is going to have to take it, which means paying out the others that put in for it. Or just getting it for less than it’s worth. Never go in on shared items unless you’ve decided beforehand who’s keeping it.
Even then, I wouldn’t. “You’re keeping it. I’ll be careful with it, and if I break it, I’ll replace it.” I just can already see the squabbling when it’s time to move out for one or more people and “but I paid for x of this!, it’s mine!” is going to be all you hear (or say) for days.
Buy your own things. Do not put in on shared things. “I don’t plan on keeping/taking it when I go, so no thank you.”
pixie-ann − NTA and it’s ridiculous to share the cost of these types of items. What will happen when the sharehouse splits or one person moves out? Who gets the vase? Who gets all the other shared items because I’m assuming you’ve done this weird cost splitting before?
Stranger0nReddit − NTA. You had nothing to do with the vase. “Guys, I wasn’t even made aware you were looking to buy the vase, let alone have input in the decision. If you want to put your vase in the common area i’m fine with that and I won’t use it, but no, i’m not paying for something I had no part in.”
YesterdayLast3609 − NTA. But don’t center your response around not paying, the main point should be you weren’t invited to shop.
“Are you guys really going to charge me for this? You didn’t even invite me to come along.”
Particular-Try5584 − NTA. I think it’s time everyone had a sit down meeting and discussed house decorations. Are you going to cut that vase four ways when you split up and move out? How the hell will that work? A $12 vase should be *owned by someone*
And then… if you are feeling b**t hurt about this there’s other stuff going on. Work out how ot clear the air on that. They should be able to go out and about without you and make minor inconsequential choices like this, you don’t need four people to go buy a vase (you don’t need three either!).
You can’t control or make agreements about how people spend their time, or who with. But you can say “if it’s a purchase that you expect the whole house to chip in on then the whole house gets a say”.
LoveBeach8 − NTA That’s quite nervy of them to do! Like, WTF!!. Hell, no!!
bb29923 − NTA. They should’ve included you in the decision if they wanted your money. It’s about respect, not $3.
borisslovechild − NTA but it’s a judgement call you need to make whether it’s a hill worth dying on.
fromhelley − Don’t buy anything 4 ways! Who will take it if you move out? Nta. They can split the 75 cen difference!
Should decisions about shared expenses require everyone’s input, or is $3 too small to make a fuss over? Is this about the vase, or something deeper about feeling included? Share your thoughts below!