AITA For refusing to mitigate my adult children’s arguments and calling my daughter childish for expecting me to?
A parent refused to mediate a conflict between two adult daughters, Lizzie and Maggie, both in their twenties and living independently. Lizzie, known for her blunt nature, complained about Maggie retaliating after Lizzie made “jokes” at her expense.
The parent stood firm, telling Lizzie it was childish to expect them to intervene in adult arguments and reminded her that people won’t hold back now that they are grown. Lizzie remained upset, insisting Maggie crossed a line. read the original story below…
‘ AITA For refusing to mitigate my adult children’s arguments and calling my daughter childish for expecting me to?’
My daughters “Lizzie” and “Maggie” are polar opposites. The girls have never gotten along and forcing them together would only result in fights. I made them to learn to be civil while doing small thing together while being civil, but otherwise made sure they had their space.
Lizzie in particular has always been a headstrong and not afraid to speak her mind. I always tried to teach her about appropriate ways to speak her mind and when/who to have tact with. But, as I said, Lizzie is a very opinionated person nd, even with the counselor’s recommendations, my efforts had little impact.
Lizzie has recently developed a rude attitude towards family. Our family does not find it cute, and most members will simply tell her to leave or not reply back. When I brought it up to her, Lizzie just made statements to the effect of “I’m an adult, I can say what I want.” Because she pays her own bills, there’s nothing more I can do.
Lizzie came calling me recently because she had been making mean comments about Maggie, and Maggie responded by taking a jab at Lizzie. Lizzie claimed her comments were a joke, but Maggie took it too far, her sister can’t be sayig these things, and I should talk to Maggie about it.
I refused and reiterated what I’ve already said before to Lizzie: She’s an adult and can say what she wants. But when you try to start something, don’t be surprised when the other person bites just as hard back. Maybe others would bite their tongues when she was a kid, but people won’t hold back anymore now that she’s an adult.
Lizzie tried to say that Maggie’s comments were out-of-line, but I told her that asking me to get involved is just childish. They’re both living on their own and in their twenties. Far too old for me to be mitigating their arguments like children. If they choose to interact with one another, they need to learn to work out their disputes like adults.
Lizzie is still upset at me, saying Maggie took it too far and what she said was beyond any line. But, as I said, this behavior is childish and both my girls have proven through their careers and independence that they’re above it. Neither are under my roof anymore, and it’s not my responsibility to mitigate their fights anymore. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Legitimate_Essay_221 − NTA. Seems like Lizzie is stuck in a mean girl phase and she’s going to find out fairly quickly that other adults, be they friends, family, or strangers, aren’t going to put up with her s**t. If she doesn’t curb her attitude it’s most likely going to go beyond poor familial relationships;
she’s going to lose jobs, opportunities, friendships, romantic relationships, etc. It seems that your other daughter finally giving her a taste of her own medicine has had more of an impact than ignoring her or asking her to leave. Good for Maggie.
Maybe y’all should be giving some of that same energy to Lizzie. Sometimes they need to experience what they are inflicting to gain a crumb of empathy.
_s1m0n_s3z − NTA. Tell them one of these days you’ll be dead, so if they’re going to have any relationship at all in future, they’d better get their s**t together now. But you can tell Lizzie that now she knows how she’s been making everyone else around her feel all these years. Pleasant, isn’t it?
sleepy965 − NTA. Good job setting healthy boundaries with your adult children.
Hufflepuffknitter80 − Definitely NTA, and great on you for having boundaries and letting your adult children be adults, it’s rare here, but very refreshing. But I’m dying of curiosity of what each said to the other.
But from what it seems, Lizzie is a mean girl who feels e**itled to say what she wants and doesn’t like it when others respond in kind. She “can dish it but can’t take it”. I despise people like that.
tosser9212 − Yay Mom! They’re adults living on their own, they can learn to communicate without “joking” or other inane thoughtless cruelty.. NTA, but your daughters…
icecreampenis − My dear, beloved daughter….. Talk s**t, get hit.. NTA
Sami_George − Totally NTA and you hit the nail on the head. She’s an adult and can say what she wants, but she’s now learning the consequences of her words. However… I’m so curious as to what was said. Lmao
Deo14 − NTA. You go, mama. I tell my kids “you have a problem with X, call X”. Grown-ass adults and all that
StAlvis − NTA. I made them to learn to be civil while doing small thing together while being civil . But I cannot parse this to save my life.
Only-Ingenuity7889 − STANDING. OVATION.. NTA
Should parents step back when adult children argue, or is there a limit? Share your thoughts below!