AITA for refusing to meet my dad and his GF
When a family dispute goes beyond money and boils down to respect and personal boundaries, the fallout can be both emotionally taxing and deeply revealing. In this case, a 20-year-old man living in Switzerland shares his ongoing battle with his estranged father—a battle that has spilled over into his refusal to meet his dad and his father’s girlfriend.
After years of his father’s consistent failure to pay adequate child support and a humiliating court appearance where his father dismissed his existence, our OP found the invitation from his father’s girlfriend to meet them utterly manipulative. Rather than reopening old wounds or being pressured into a conversation about money, he chose to stand his ground.
His decision wasn’t just about avoiding an awkward reunion—it was a powerful assertion of self-respect in the face of persistent neglect and abuse. His father’s behavior, combined with the girlfriend’s attempts to guilt-trip him into “cherishing the time,” has pushed him to set clear boundaries. This post raises the question: Is it justified to refuse a meeting with family when the past continues to haunt the present?
‘ AITA for refusing to meet my dad and his GF ‘
Dr. Williams notes that repeated disregard for emotional needs, such as failing to pay adequate child support and dismissing the child in legal proceedings, can lead to deep-seated resentment. In such cases, avoiding toxic interactions becomes a critical step toward healing.
Dr. Williams further explains, “It’s important for young adults to recognize that they have the right to protect themselves from further harm. When an invitation is extended in an attempt to coerce or guilt, it can trigger a defensive response.” Our OP’s decision to refuse the invitation is an example of prioritizing mental health over obligatory familial interactions.
The therapist emphasizes that, especially in relationships marked by manipulation and neglect, creating a safe distance is essential. He is not merely being ungrateful; he is safeguarding his emotional well-being.
Moreover, Dr. Williams highlights that enforcing boundaries is a proactive measure in breaking a cycle of abuse. “When someone in a parental role repeatedly fails to honor their responsibilities, it’s perfectly acceptable for the affected child—even as an adult—to limit contact.
The goal isn’t to punish but to protect one’s own stability.” The message here is clear: while family connections are important, they should not come at the expense of one’s mental health. By standing firm, our OP asserts that respect must be mutual, and toxic patterns must be disrupted.
Dr. Williams also suggests that seeking professional guidance during such transitions can aid in developing healthier communication strategies, should reconciliation ever become a possibility. “Counseling or therapy can provide the tools needed to navigate complex family dynamics.
However, if the abuse and manipulation persist, it’s completely valid to choose no contact as a form of self-preservation.” This underscores that sometimes, the healthiest choice is to step away rather than engage with those who have continuously disrespected you.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Overall, the Reddit community strongly supports our OP’s decision. Many commenters agree that refusing to meet his father and his girlfriend is a justified stand for self-respect, especially after years of neglect and humiliation. They stress that the invitation was merely a tactic to pressure him into discussing long-standing financial issues rather than genuine efforts to rebuild a relationship.
Some suggest that his father’s and girlfriend’s behavior is toxic and manipulative, and that he deserves to protect his mental well-being. In essence, the consensus is that his decision to set firm boundaries is both understandable and necessary.
At the heart of this issue lies the importance of establishing boundaries when past wounds continue to inflict pain. Our OP’s choice to refuse a meeting with his father and his girlfriend isn’t about being ungrateful—it’s about reclaiming his self-worth and protecting his emotional health.
Financial and emotional neglect can leave deep scars, and when family members try to use guilt as a tool, the only healthy response may be to walk away. What do you think? Is setting such strict boundaries the best way to move forward, or should he attempt to rebuild a connection despite past abuses? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!