AITA for refusing to make a cookie table for my sons wedding?
A mother is refusing to make a cookie table for her son’s wedding to Wendy, who is not close to her own mother. Despite Wendy’s insistence and emotional appeals, the mother feels uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the request, as it requires making over a thousand cookies from scratch.
Her daughters are also against the idea. After informing Wendy that she can’t help, the son calls her a jerk for not stepping up, leading to further conflict. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to make a cookie table for my sons wedding?’
My son is marrying Wendy and the wedding is this summer. She is not close to her own mother for multiple reason and is pushing hard to have me fill in the gap. I am not comfortable with it at all especially with how hard she is pushing.
She has multiple times overstepped boundaries such as inviting herself along, discussing very personal issues, very touchy etc….Due to these issues we are not close and my own daughters are not a huge fan of her. She asked me this week if I would make the cookie table for the wedding.
It is something the brides own mother would do with other female relatives. This is the first time hearing about this tradition and I did some research. I would have to make over a thousand cookies from scratch to feed the wedding guest. I asked my daughters if they wanted to do it and it was a strong no.
I informed her that I can not do it, it is way to much work and I don’t have the time. She told me okay and I thought that was it. My son called me up and told me I am a huge j**k. That Wendy has been crying about it and I should step up. I am still refusing to do it.. AITA?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
marilynmansonfuckme − NTA. Over 1,000 cookies?!
Remarkable_Island_61 − There seems to be a huge empathy gap here from you towards your future DIL. It sounds like she has little to no family support. She’s likely hoping to be close to her in-laws. It may also mean that her eagerness is causing her to display poor social skills.
It also sounds like you and your daughters are only seeing that as an imposition to you, and not offering any grace. You may reflect on what you’ve done to establish better boundaries with your DIL and to acknowledge her own experiences.
Because from the tone of your writing it sounds like you’ve decided she’s annoying and you and your daughters are mean girling the hell out of someone who wants to be close to you without having adult conversations about boundaries.
You seem to be judging her for having a poor relationship with her family. That’s an odd choice. Sometimes, in-laws step up in times like these to bridge the gap for traditions that their future family members desire because their own family is not safe or supportive.
THey may do it to support their family member, in this case, your son, rather than the in-law. You can certainly choose not to do that. But the relationship with your future DIL and your son is likely to be affected by the result.
How embarrassing it must be for her to have a valued tradition like the cookie table and no personal family to take up the task. How mortifying to have to ask future family members and then be told no. I think you’re maybe TA in general based on how you write about this young woman who seems to have had a rough go, family wise.
[Reddit User] − NTA but you are a little misinformed and cold. Born and raised Pittsburgher here, the cookie table does not replace the cake! It is for the period before the meal and during the reception. Also, mom typically coordinates the cookies with family and friends, she doesn’t have to do them all herself.
And store bought/bakery are fine! Wendy may not be your cup of tea, but she is the center of your son’s universe. If you want to stay a part of his life, you better loosen the bone and unwad your panties!
Be forgiving, be patient, be understanding with her, she is trying to build a loving relationship with you and the rest of her spouses family. If you don’t, you will be on the outside looking in when grandkids happen. S**k it up, apologize and offer to coordinate the cookie table. You’ll be glad you did.
Dlraetz1 − Do people ever think and compromise on Reddit? It’s a cookie table. Set up a table. One of her bridesmaids/you/her fiancé/ her sends a note to every family/couple coming and asks them to bring a dozen cookies.
We did this for a friend who got married it Pittsburgh. We got home made, store bought, cupcakes, brownies and since I don’t bake fudge . No one cared it wasn’t all home made. It was fun and everyone got a nice selection for their gift bag
BroadElderberry − Going against the grain, and saying YTA. This woman **is joining your family**, and you sound so ridiculously inconvenienced by it. The *horror* that Wendy actually wants a true relationship with you. This is the first time hearing about this tradition and I did some research.
I would have to make over a thousand cookies from scratch to feed the wedding guest. This is not what a cookie table is, I’m sorry you didn’t dig a little deeper.
The cookie table is a tradition where all of the women of both sides of the family (organized by the mother of the bride) make a batch of their signature cookie (though their are some cookies which are considered traditional). It doesn’t *have* to be 1000s of cookies.
Especially if the family is smaller, there are closer to several dozen or maybe a couple hundred (depending on the size of the reception) Understand that if your keep pushing Wendy away this hard, you’re going to push your son away with her.
Spare-Article-396 − NTA for refusing such a large ask, BUT you seem to be happy to stick in the ‘I don’t like her’ camp. Which is only going to bite you in the ass.. This isn’t about the cookies.
TravelingBride2024 − NAH because you’re allowed to refuse the request. But to me you sound a little cold (And borderline a’hole). she doesn’t sound like a bad person, maybe just someone looking for acceptance and someone more touchy feely than you are. She’s about to be your daughter in law.
Couldn’t you offer *something*? like purchasing some cookies from the grocery store, or making a couple of batches of cookies and she could ask others to make more, as sort of a goodwill, welcome to the family gesture?
the cookie table is popular in Pittsburgh, and it is kind of an honor in a way, and traditional for lots of relatives to help out and contribute. So I’m not going to call her an A’hole for asking. And I can understand why your son was upset that you basically said, “nope. Don’t like you. Not going to do it. Buh bye.”
Weekly_Mycologist883 − YTA- If you and your daughters’ intention was to let her know you dont like her and she will never be welcomed into your family, you have succeeded.
DomesticPlantLover − This is so not about the cookies. This is a personal attack on your soon to be DIL. You need to decided whether you can and will love you son’s wife or whether you want to be set at odd to them (BOTH you SON and you DIL) as long as their marriage lasts–which could be months or the rest of your life.
You don’t need to make cookies, but you need to not revel is the fact you can’t help her have something that’s important to her. YTA for making this personal.
What do you think? Is she justified in her decision, or should she help out? Share your thoughts below!