AITA for refusing to like my brother’s girlfriend when she came in as the other woman?
A Redditor (26F) shares her frustration about her brother’s new girlfriend, whom he started dating after cheating on his long-term partner. The Redditor disapproves of the girlfriend’s actions, as she pursued a relationship with her brother even though she knew he was in a committed relationship.
After expressing her disdain to her family, the Redditor now finds herself at odds with them, as they encourage her to get along with the new girlfriend. This disagreement has caused a rift between the Redditor and her brother, who is upset that she doesn’t like his girlfriend. Read the full story below…
‘ AITA for refusing to like my brother’s girlfriend when she came in as the other woman?’
My brother was in a LTR with another woman, she was nice and there were no issues, but then he cheated on her and is now with the woman he cheated on his girlfriend with. My issue with her is that she knew my brother had a girlfriend and still pursued him.
Don’t get me wrong, my brother holds part accountability for all of this and was wrong in it as well, but as a woman the idea of another woman behaving that way does not sit right with me. When his ex girlfriend found out about the cheating, she asked the other woman to give them time and space to navigate the situation.
The other woman said “I hope you do the same for us.” Like what? To me that is insanity. Now this woman is with my brother and we are all forced to s**k it up and pretend like she’s a wonderful person. I expressed my disdain to my family and i was met with “I’m very sad for you because she’s a nice person.”
I feel like an alien in my own family. It’s one thing to try to keep the peace, but it’s another thing to be fake and act like we all didn’t witness both of them behave morally corrupt and deceptive.
Ultimately, my brother found out I hate his gf from an Instagram story posted and told everyone he was upset except me. However, I don’t really feel bad for having my own opinion of this woman. So now we’re not speaking. AITAH for openly not liking my brother’s new girlfriend?
See what others had to share with OP:
MeAndMyIsisBlkIrises − No, you’re NTA, you have every right to feel that way about her. Hopefully though, since your brother is the one who had the commitment and cheated and was most in the wrong, hopefully you hold him even more responsible than her?
I get it, he’s your brother, but just hope you don’t let him off the hook for the most part. Anyway on her, now that everyone knows how you feel, you can stop telling everyone else how much you don’t like her or trust her, and you also don’t have to pretend to like her.
Family events, be civil but if she tries to cosy up to you just say “Hey, we are never going to be friends. I don’t trust you or respect you. So let’s be civil at family gatherings and that’s it.”
But if you are going to glare at her over the holiday dinner table or make remarks about her origins to others at gatherings, that is immature high school stuff and that does kind of take it really far.
peakpenguins − Don’t get me wrong, my brother holds part accountability for all of this. NTA for disliking her due to the situation, but if you don’t think your brother holds a *much bigger* part of the accountability then you’re TA about that.
Now this woman is with my brother and we are all forced to s**k it up and pretend like she’s a wonderful person. Presumably you feel the same about your brother then?
That you have to s**k it up and pretend he’s a wonderful person? Basically my point is if you hate her *more* then you hate your brother when your brother is the one who was cheating, I think that’s pretty weird.
Similar_Corner8081 − NTA I hope you don’t like your brother either. In all fairness I mean he holds more blame than the other woman. Don’t get me wrong neither one has a moral compass.
ThumbCentral-Rebirth − Nta but what was the Instagram post about? The vague way that you described it makes me feel like you posted something needlessly inflammatory/insulting
Atlas_5966 − NTA. You don’t have to like her, be friends with her, and honestly you don’t even have to pretend to. If you’re in the same room, you can ignore her. That’s fair. That’s within your rights.
HOWEVER, if you’re going to do that, you also need to hold your brother accountable. This girl might have gone after your brother, but ultimately your brother is the one who cheated. I’d suggest if it bothers you, just go no contact. If you’re in the same place for holidays or other family events, ignore them as much as possible.
beanzd − Your brother is an a**hole
misstiff1971 − Your brother was in the relationship. He cheated – lacks moral compass. You can tell that she is n**ty because of pursuing a person in a relationship. They deserve each other.
Plastic-Shallot8535 − Wait wait wait – what instagram story was posted that alerted your brother to the fact you hated his gf?? I totally get why you do, I wouldn’t be able to tolerate someone like that either. But what dirty laundry are you airing out on social media?
charly_lenija − ESH. 1. your brother for obvious reasons – and it’s him most of all. HE is the one who lied to and cheated on his ex-girlfriend. HE is responsible for the whole situation.
2. his new girlfriend. You can discuss how much. In the end, she didn’t cheat on anyone she supposedly loves. But it still wasn’t morally right of her. And I understand that you also judge her for everything.
3. you – with the Instagram post. I’m not a fan of publicising private disputes on social media. It can also be hurtful for your brother’s ex to have to read about her private life on the internet. If my partner had cheated on me,
I wouldn’t like it if people found out about it / discuss it on the internet from someone who wasn’t personally involved. And I’ve been cheated on. It‘s not your business or your story to tell. You’ve made your point. Now you should just stay out of their way. Nobody is forcing you to have direct contact with them.
Or to have a nice chat and joke with them at family get togethers. If you can’t avoid them, just treat them as you would any neighbour you don’t know who your parents have invited. Say hello, pass them the salt if necessary and otherwise ignore them.
AdAccomplished6870 − This is classic ‘let’s ignore stuff that we can’t make go away to pretend like everything is peachy’ behavior. As the person who is not willing to do that, you will be looked at as the problem.
I would probably feel the same as you about her, as she is selfish and self serving. But, as others have pointed out, she just made the affair possible. It is your brother that did the cheating. If you openly dislike her lack of character, you should be pretty much NC with him.
You are fine to never like her, but don’t try to convince others. They can have their opinions and can choose the path of least resistance.
You can let them each know privately that you think that tacitly approving of infidelity is certainly their prerogative, but is a really bad value to signal and could end up biting them in the end.
Their wives and husbands and sons and daughters are quietly watching the cheaters be welcomed and accepted. That could have all sorts of fun downstream consequences.
Do you think the Redditor’s feelings are justified given the situation, or is she being too harsh on her brother’s new girlfriend? Should she try to accept the new relationship or stay true to her feelings? Share your thoughts below!