AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle because my mom is still alive?

A Reddit user (28F) is preparing for her wedding and has been asked by her father to have both him and her stepmother walk her down the aisle. While she is grateful for her stepmother, she feels that it would overshadow her biological mother, who is still very much a part of her life.

The user has refused to allow her stepmother to walk her down the aisle, and her father is upset, calling her selfish. Her siblings are divided, and she feels torn between her stepmother and her mother. Her fiancé supports her but leaves the decision up to her. The user is questioning if she is wrong for not including her stepmother.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle because my mom is still alive?’

I (28F) am getting married in a few months, and my dad suggested that both he and my stepmother walk me down the aisle. For context, my stepmother has been in my life since I was 10, and while I’m grateful for everything she’s done, my biological mom is still alive and has always been involved in my life.

When my dad brought this up, I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea. My stepmother may have helped raise me, but I want this moment to honor my mom as well as my dad. My mom has been looking forward to this day for years, and having my stepmother participate feels like it would overshadow her.

Now my dad is upset, saying I’m “ignoring” everything my stepmother has done for me. My stepmother hasn’t said anything directly, but I can tell she’s hurt. My siblings are split on this—some think I should let her do it to keep the peace, while others understand why I want to keep it between me, my dad, and my mom. My fiancé supports me but says I need to decide what will make me happiest on my big day.

At this point, I’m torn. I love and respect my stepmother, but I feel like including her would be disrespectful to my mom, who’s also very emotional about this. My dad thinks I’m being unfair and selfish. AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

gregwhale5 −  You are not. Your dad is on trying to force the issue.. It’s your wedding.

Divorced_life −  NTA. I’m a stepmom and this is an insane request. I would never disrespect my stepkids’ mother this way. And anyway it’s your wedding. Your day so you get what you want. They got to have their wedding the way they wanted.

armywifemumof5 −  I’d tell dad to knock it off or it will be just bio mum walking you.

TarzanKitty −  If I was your actual mother and you allowed this. I wouldn’t contribute a dime to the wedding, I wouldn’t participate or speak to you again. What they are suggesting is the ultimate FU to your mother.

man_flakes −  NTA- at the end of the day you’re getting married. It’s your wedding. This isn’t some pageantry for other people and other agendas. This is YOUR wedding! Your dad is overstepping imo. Idk the nature of your mom vs dad’s relationship now, if it’s amicable or not, but depending on that it sounds like a bit of insecurities being projected onto you. Or unspoken expectations that have yet to be voiced.

And just an added note- people shouldn’t do good things with the expectation something in return. I dare say that includes parenting. Loving someone is respecting them and their decisions, and their life, not doing things for some kind of token or reward.

RJack151 −  NTA. Tell dad that he is the only one that will be walking you down the aisle, and tell him that if he does not drop it, your mom will be doing it.

SnooMacarons4844 −  If I had a $1 every time I read ‘keep the peace’ on Reddit, I’d be rich. They’re also the buzz words for people to know whoever uses it in an argument is wrong.

Beautiful_Empire4862 −  NTA. Your dad is using your wedding to make a statement. It’s not ok. Tell him both your mothers will be there and that’s a message itself. Don’t let him.hurt your bio mom by using your stepmom. It’s not fair to either woman. If he keeps complaining, tell him you’ll have a step dad/uncle/grandpa walk with the both of you and see how he feels about that lol.

oilpaintedorgy −  It’s not the Middle Ages your dad doesn’t own you.

Yungeel −  NTA – your actual mother deserves to be honored. The spot next to you is rightfully hers and anyone else in the spot would be a direct fu to her. If Stepmom is cool she can walk down the isle next to another honored guest (such as grandma for example).

Was the user wrong to refuse her stepmother’s involvement in the wedding procession, or is she justified in wanting to honor her biological mother in this special moment? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!