AITA for refusing to let my sister’s kids stay with me after she canceled on me last minute?

A Redditor recounts his frustration with his sister after she canceled last minute on plans for him to watch her kids for a weekend, despite him rearranging his schedule to accommodate. When she asked him to take care of them the following weekend, he refused, leading to conflict with her and other family members. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my sister’s kids stay with me after she canceled on me last minute?’

So, my (29M) sister (32F) has three kids (10, 7, 5). Last month, she asked me if I could watch them for a weekend while she and her husband went on a short anniversary trip. I agreed because I love my nieces and nephew, but I made it clear that I needed at least two weeks’ notice because I work long hours, and I’d have to rearrange my schedule.

Fast forward to this past week. I asked my boss for time off, cleared my weekend, and stocked my house with everything the kids would need. Friday afternoon rolls around, and I’m waiting for her to drop them off. Suddenly, I get a text from her saying they’re not coming.

She decided last minute that they were going to a family-friendly resort instead and didn’t need me to watch them anymore. No apology, just, “We’ll do it another time.” I was frustrated because I had completely cleared my weekend, turned down plans with friends, and rearranged my work schedule for this.

I responded by telling her it wasn’t cool to cancel on me last minute like that, especially when I went out of my way to help. Then, two days later, she called me again asking if I could watch the kids the following weekend. Apparently, something came up with her original plan, and she needed someone to watch them after all.

I told her no, I wasn’t available. She got upset and said I was being s**fish and punishing her kids for something that wasn’t their fault. Now she’s mad at me, and my parents are saying I should be more understanding because “things come up when you’re a parent.”

I don’t have kids, but I feel like it’s just basic respect to not cancel on someone last minute and then expect them to be available whenever you want.
So, AITA for refusing to watch my sister’s kids after she canceled on me last minute?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

mdthomas −  Last month, she asked me if I could watch them for a weekend while she and her husband went on a short anniversary trip. I made it clear that I needed at least two weeks’ notice because I work long hours, and I’d have to rearrange my schedule. In other words, this is a big commitment on your end.

Suddenly, I get a text from her saying they’re not coming. She decided last minute that they were going to a family-friendly resort instead. Oh, she had time to change plans, but not the time to notify you before the last second? she called me again asking if I could watch the kids the following weekend.
I told her no, I wasn’t available.

By itself this is valid. Add the fact that you had earlier told her you needed two weeks’ advance notice to rearrange your schedule, she should have known you wouldn’t be available. She got upset and said I was being s**fish and punishing her kids for something that wasn’t their fault. Children understand the idea of people being busy and unable to do something.

It isn’t the children’s fault, but it’s not your fault either. You have no obligation or responsibility here. my parents are saying I should be more understanding because “things come up when you’re a parent.”. Yes, things come up.. I don’t have kids.

You’re not the parent here. Your sister is. This is simply not your issue to have to deal with. Can your parents not take the children? They are eager to pressure you to help, why can’t they help? I don’t have kids, but I feel like it’s just basic respect to not cancel on someone last minute and then expect them to be available whenever you want.

But you don’t have children! Don’t you know that people without children just have all this free time and are clearly missing out in their lives?? She is surely doing you a favor by letting you fill the void in her life with her children! (sarcasm for the whole paragraph).. NTA

rst012345 −  Nta just tell them you cannot rearrange your schedule back to back like this, and you told her you need at least 2 weeks, so she already knew that chances were very unlikely. Her trying to guilt you is in poor taste.

Additionally, just because your sister was inconsiderate and you are now saying no, this does not mean you are punishing the kids. I’d probably emphasize that point the most.

Instead of having her ask for a weekend for you to babysit, you could ask for a weekend to take them in the future for a makeup weekend for bonding. Take control of when you see them instead of relying on your flakey sister.. Edit: removed a double negative

Ambroisie_Cy −  NTA. Sometimes, people with kids tend to think people without this responsiblity have no life and no other commitment. I had to have a talk with my family recently about this.

They were taking for granted that I was available last minute to put my life aside and go for weeks at a time to help out my sister and her kid or take care of my parents house while they were away or going to my brother’s place to take care of his dog for a week, etc.

I sat them down and explained how disrespectful it was to put me in situations where I was either the j**k for saying no to help out family and feeling guilty or I was the one giving up on all my plans to help out. Either way, I was miserable.

One of the reason I made the choice of not having kids, was because I didn’t want the responsibility or having to be tied down. Yet, my family was seeing that choice as a free babysitter.

But, after a long talk with them, they understood where I was coming from and I realised that I was allowed to say no (Still working on that). So, I think the best thing to do is to have a talk with your family.

VeronicaSawyer8 −   “things come up when you’re a parent.” and things come up when you’re *not* a parent. Things come up for everybody. Parents aren’t unique.. NTA

hushnecampus −  NTA. You’re not punishing the kids, you’re punishing her. The kids will be fine, it’s just gonna be a PITA for her to make *sure* they’re fine. As for what your parents said: yeah, I’m sure things do come up when you have kids, but it’s your responsibility as a parent to handle those things. Anyway, this wasn’t “something coming up”, it was her deciding to take them with her cos she wanted to.

PortableHobbit −  NTA. Tell them your work won’t let you rearrange your schedule again and that you are more than willing to watch them if given two weeks notice so you can get your schedule sorted.

FlyingFightingType −  NTA just tell them you made plans you couldn’t cancel after they canceled on you.

SilverDarner −  NTA – Part of clearing a work schedule involves accepting alternate hours. You can’t just not do those alternate hours because you didn’t do the thing you thought you were going to do with the free time. Does sister even have a job?

HappySummerBreeze −  Things didn’t “come up” though. She just changed her mind.. Nta

Positive-Platform-36 −  Nta and if your parents are so worried about it they can watch those kids for the weekend

Do you think the Redditor was right to refuse to watch the kids the following weekend, or should he have been more accommodating? How would you handle a situation where someone cancels last minute after you rearrange your schedule? Share your thoughts below!