AITA for refusing to let my sister-in-law bring her kids to my family reunion after she constantly criticizes my decisions?

A Redditor (29F) is planning a special family reunion to celebrate their 30th birthday and decided to make it a “no kids” event, as the reunions had become too chaotic with children running around.

However, their sister-in-law (35F) with two young children is upset by the no-kids rule and insists that the reunion should be for the whole family, including her kids. After a back-and-forth, the Redditor refused to invite her if she couldn’t respect their wishes, leading to tension with their brother and some relatives.

The Redditor is now questioning whether their decision was too harsh. Read the full story below to see how this family reunion drama unfolded and whether the Redditor’s decision was justified.

‘  AITA for refusing to let my sister-in-law bring her kids to my family reunion after she constantly criticizes my decisions?’

I (29F) have been hosting an annual family reunion for the past few years, and this year, it’s going to be a little more special since it’s also my 30th birthday celebration. I’ve been planning for a few months now, and after discussing it with my parents and siblings, I decided to make it a “no kids” event.

I love my family, but the reunions have gotten a bit chaotic with kids running around, and I wanted to create a more relaxed environment where adults could actually catch up without worrying about the kids. Now, my sister-in-law (35F) has two young kids (5 and 8), and she is **really** upset about the no-kids rule.

She’s made it clear that she thinks it’s unfair, and she’s been going on and on about how the kids will be “bored” and that it’s “unreasonable” to not let them come. She even said, “It’s your birthday, but you’re making it about yourself instead of about family.”

I’ve tried to explain that I love her kids, but I just wanted a peaceful, kid-free event this year, especially since it’s a milestone birthday. She keeps insisting that the reunion should be for the whole family, and that includes her kids.

A few days ago, she texted me and said that if her kids can’t come, then she and her husband won’t attend. She also mentioned that she doesn’t trust anyone else to look after her kids and would rather not go than leave them with a sitter.

Honestly, I was a little frustrated by her attitude. I ended up telling her that if she’s not willing to respect my wishes and can’t come without the kids, then she’s not invited.

I know that sounds harsh, but I feel like I’ve been nothing but accommodating, and she’s been really dismissive of my wishes. Now, my brother (32M) is upset with me, and some of my other relatives think I’m being too strict.

They say it’s not worth losing family over, and that it’s just one day—I should let her bring the kids so it doesn’t cause drama. But I feel like I’ve been very clear about what I want for my event, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a child-free gathering.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

beek_r −  Host a birthday party, and make a child free event. Someone else can host the family reunion at their house, and invite anyone they want.

Legal-Lingonberry577 −  You’re confusing birthday party with family reunion . Birthday party all adult event no problem. Family reunion means family .

ricst −  It’s a birthday party for you, no kids. Family reunion, everyone invited. You can’t combine because that doesn’t allow all family members to attend a family reunion. Yta, have separate events, but I feel you combine them because not as many will show for your birthday.

Excellent-Highway884 −  It’s laughable you claim it’s a “Family Reunion” because it clearly is NOT a family reunion.. I’ll fix your title for you… “AITA for refusing to let my sister-in-law bring her kids to MY BIRTHDAY PARTY after she constantly criticises my decisions”.

or “AITA for refusing to let my Brother bring his kids to MY BIRTHDAY PARTY even though I told everyone it’s a family reunion”
Of which you’ve yet to display any of her criticism apart from the blatant exclusion of your sister-in-law, brother, nephews and nieces.

YTA. It’s either a family reunion where EVERYONE is invited OR a birthday party just for you and those you want there.

catinnameonly −  N T A for planning a kid free birthday celebration for yourself. YTA – For planning a family reunion without members of the family and deciding that the reunion is also a birthday party for yourself.

Economy_Dog5080 −  Well, it’s both YTA and NTA depending on how you put it. “I’ve decided to throw an adults only birthday party for my 30th birthday instead of doing a family reunion this year, since it would be too much for me to host both events” would be NTA.

“I’ve decided to make the family reunion an adults only event because it’s also my 30th birthday” would be YTA. Family reunions are for the entire family.

metalmorian −  You are holding your family’s event (reunion) hostage so that you can force them all to spend your birthday how you want.. That is not fair. Separate your birthday from the family day. Combining them was extremely stupid and was ALWAYS going to lead to conflict.

Have a separate birthday party where you make the rules. But the family event is a family event. If you don’t WANT to arrange a family event, then say so, but don’t say “family reunion except it’s also my birthday and only SOME people are invited”. That’s clearly OBVIOUSLY rude and stupid and will OBVIOUSLY lead to conflict and drama.. YTA.

AnaBeaver −  YTA. Eeek, hate to sound harsh, but you can’t call it a family reunion and make it adults only when your brother has kids. You’re essentially saying they aren’t family. Not a great way to start a birthday party, especially if you’re over 21. Doesn’t matter if you’re hosting. That seems like a form of control.

DrTeethPhD −  annual family reunion. “no kids” event. annual family reunion. “no kids” event. annual *family* reunion. “*no kids*” event. YTA

Witty-Stock-4913 −  YTA, it’s not a reunion, so framing it as such is what’s making you the a**hole. Family reunions mean the whole family is invited. That’s not what’s happening here. You’re welcome to have whomever you want at your birthday party, however.

Do you think the Redditor’s decision to enforce a no-kids rule for their birthday reunion was fair, or was it too harsh given the family dynamic? Should they have made an exception to avoid drama, or were they right to stand their ground? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!