AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery?

A Reddit user shares her experience with her mother-in-law, who has been overstepping boundaries by trying to redecorate the nursery for her unborn child.

After a series of disrespectful comments and unsolicited advice, the user asked her mother-in-law to leave her home. Now, she’s questioning whether her reaction was too harsh. Read the full story below to see if you think she was justified in her response.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery?’

So I (26F) am currently 32 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband Felix’s (27M) first child. Things have been going well and one of the great things is that Felix is a builder and so everything with the nursery went pretty smoothly pretty fast!

We agreed at the start what kind of vibe we wanted to go with it and it’s pretty much already done. Figured that we’d get it sorted as soon as possible so it wasn’t another thing to worry about later.

My MIL has always been a bit of a nightmare but has been better since the news that I’m pregnant (though not without issue – for example, she told me that I should “lose some weight” and that it wasn’t “heathy” for me or the baby.

She knows that I used to struggle with anorexia and I’m not any sort of unhealthy weight). In the past I’ve kept my mouth shut and let Felix deal with her.

As the nursery has almost been completed, she’s suddenly decided to invite herself around more – I work from home currently, she comes in on the regular, asks me when I’m going to have lunch and “oh could you just pop me something in too!” and then will wander into the nursery and start rearranging things.

I know this sounds stupid but once she literally bought an IKEA bag full of stuff that she put in there. It doesn’t match. But I’ve never said anything really beyond, “Oh, thanks so much for the thought” etc.

Yesterday when she came around uninvited, she looked me up and down and said “Really? Joggers? Thank god Felix isn’t here” and then walked into the nursery and started asking me where the pillow she’d put in the crib had gone, why I’d taken out the fairylights hanging on the wall right by it, etc. I explained that they were potential safety hazards to the future baby and that I’d taken them out.

She started with, “Oh, well, *I’ve* had three children” and “I really think you should take more of my advice” and then looked me in the eyes and said “You’re really not going to be a good mother at this rate”.

I don’t know if it was the pregnancy hormones but I just stared at her for a moment and then told her to get out of the house. I’d been up all night and had loads of work and wasn’t in the mood. She got very uptight about it and then left.

Felix says he’s going to talk to her and tell her that she shouldn’t be reorganising anything without our permission, but I don’t know if it was just the hormones and I’m being unreasonable. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Trick_Delivery4609 −  NTA. Felix needs to put down a LOT more boundaries:
– no more popping by when he isn’t around. She has to ask him to come over and can only do so when he says yes and he is there.
-no more talk about your health or weight, EVER.

-no redecorating or moving ANYTHING in your house.
I’m sure there need to be more. This is to get you started with him. He needs to protect you and your child.

EnfysMae −  NTA. Felix needs to shut this down like yesterday. She’s being openly disrespectful to you.
She can no longer come over uninvited. She needs to call and schedule a visit,like everyone else. Also, if she has a key to your home, change the locks.

No more bringing unwanted items for the baby. While you appreciate the thought, you and Felix want to prepare the baby’s room the way you want it. This is YOUR baby. She had a chance to decorate how she wanted with her kids and now it’s your turn.

No more passive aggressive comments to or about you. If this isn’t shut down,she will continue this around your child. She will talk badly about you around/to your child. This is disrespectful to you and should immediately be stopped.

Actions have consequences. If she breaks any boundary you and Felix have set,she won’t see the baby for X amount of time. That could be days,weeks, months or even a year, depending on how severe the boundary she broke was. You could even do it, 1st offense X days, 2nd X months,3rd permanent. This is something you and Felix need to sit down now and talk about.

This blatant disrespect needs to stop and it needs to stop immediately. This can’t continue,if for no other reason than your mental health. She knows you have an ED and is deliberately using it against you. What is her end goal? For you to spiral so she can tell everyone you’re an unfit mother? That sounds psychotic.

Mobile_Following_198 −  NTA. Your MIL is a huge one though. You deserve better treatment, and you advocating for yourself doesn’t make you an AH. Also, remember – if she’s treating you this way, she could treat your children this way too, especially little girls since the comments she made were rooted in misogyny. Take care.

Temporary_Analysis55 −  WTF, change the locks to your house if she has a key, stop letting her come over whenever she wants, and make her leave the second she insults you. Zero tolerance for her s**t is the only way. Your husband is married to you, not her. He needs to tell her to smarten up.

MercuryRising92 −  NTA – someone insults you to your face and oversteps. You are just reacting the way anyone other than a doormat would react. 

We do make make allowances for MILs and other relatives when they accidently push our buttons, but this isn’t one of those cases. I wouldn’t have seen anything wrong in saying you removed the items because tgey didn’t match your plan for the nursery.

Choice-Emphasis9048 −  NTA. As a soon to be grandparent, with 4 grown children that I have raised. I am well aware that things have changed in terms of parenting and safe environments for babies. So, I am reading up on current parenting research, ask questions and making notes of the parent’s preferences.

I will admit, it takes a lot of self-discipline to not go ham and buy every baby item I come across. But I remember being the new mom and wanting things done a certain way. I intend to respect the new parent’s preferences as well.

Only-Ingenuity7889 −  Either change the locks or stop answering the door.  Or lock the nursery.  She can visit when your husband is home to police her.. NTA.  What a horrible woman.

Stunning_Cupcake_260 −  Stop letting her in. If she has a key, take it away now. She’s already overstepping and trying to tell you how you will parent.

Shut her down right now. Keep her out of your nursery and hey, how about some boundaries. She now must be invited over. No drop ins. She can only visit when dh is home.

edoyle2021 −  NTA- kick the lady out. She’s awful to you and has no business being in your home. You are going to be a great mother. Also, heads up if you choose to b**ast feed it takes at least 500 extra calories to support your milk supply. As someone who has dealt with eating issues knowing the science was really helpful. Once again you are going to be a great mom.

Square-Minimum-6042 −  NTA. That’s all you need, very pregnant and this woman inviting herself over for lunch and to criticize you.
Maybe be too busy to let her in? Tell her you’re on calls or something. Have your husband tell her she is raising your blood pressure and the doctor says no more drop ins!