AITA for refusing to let my MIL take my son for a week?

A Reddit user shares their story of refusing their mother-in-law’s request to take their 1.5-year-old son for a week, citing past experiences and trust issues. The relationship soured when the MIL overstepped boundaries during pregnancy and later neglected the child, leading to a severe rash. Despite her husband’s push for compromise, the user is standing firm on her decision, questioning whether she’s being unreasonable.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my MIL take my son for a week?’

So I (F31) have been dating my husband (M32) for 5 years, married 2 1/2, and have a 1 1/2 y/o son, C. I used to have a good relationship with MIL until I got pregnant. Then she became obsessed with my pregnancy, asking uncomfortable questions, crying to my husband when I told her MY mom would be in the delivery room. Staying for a week RIGHT when we got home even though I told my husband I didn’t want that.

Basically I would set a boundary and my husband would let her walk right over it. Caused a lot of problems. Came to a head in April. She agreed to watch my son for a weekend while we celebrated my birthday in Vegas. She lives 12 hours from us and C was only 7 months at the time. Then after Vegas, she ‘wasn’t able’ to meet us to give my son back.

Led to a HORRIBLE 3 days until I called out of work and said I’m picking him up. When we did, he had a HORRIBLE rash that had him screaming in pain. It was infected. I was LIVID, she claimed he was “perfectly fine” when I picked him up and it must’ve happened on my watch. So I told my husband under no condition would she ever get to take my baby again.

Come Christmas. All she wants for Christmas is to take C for a week again. Mind you, in all this time, she has been m**ipulative and intentionally causing stress to my marriage (going so far as lying about cancer to try to see my son and turn my husband against me). So I said hell no. And my husband thinks I’m being a little unreasonable because it’s her only grandson and my family sees him all the time. So AITA here? Cuz I’m feeling a little crazy.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

cataphractbeaver −  NTA. “Seeing” versus “taking care” of are completely different concepts your husband should learn and, judging from your history, your MIL should at most be “seeing”.

celticmusebooks −  NTA. The first time she refused to return your son she lost the right to unsupervised visitation. Is your husband usually such a “mamma’s boy”?

cassowary32 −  NTA. You have a husband problem. Why would he want to trust his child with her after what happened last time???

kmflushing −  You seem to have a husband problem. Can’t solve MIL problem without solving husband problem first.

Brittmariebaker9517 −  NTA – you protect your babies. If they had an infected rash last time and you weren’t able to get him on time last time I wouldn’t send your toddler there again. Also 12 hours away?! That’s a long time to travel if something happens to your toddler.

If she ignores your boundaries how could you ever expect her to respect your child’s boundaries as they grow up? Just some food for thought. I’d recommend maybe visiting as the three of you for a compromise and see how she is with C. Give her the chance to respect boundaries in front of you and your husband and revisit a weekend away at grandmas when C is older.

DixieDragon777 −  “That’s just how she is.” Oh, how I hate that expression! It’s an excuse that fails to excuse. I finally came up with an answer: “Well, THIS is how I am.” And I refused to allow that miserable excuse to stand. I won’t let anyone get by with bad behavior “because.” If that’s how your MIL is, it’s exactly why she should not see your son alone. Ever.

chez2202 −  NTA. She refused to give your child back to you for 3 DAYS. When she did he was in pain and she hadn’t even considered getting medical help for him. You don’t need another reason to refuse to let him stay with her again. The argument that your mother sees him all the time is ridiculous. She doesn’t live half a day away from you. Many people would suggest that she move closer to you but NOBODY sane would say it.

I read one of your replies to a comment. You said that she lies to your husband about things you say in conversations. He is obviously taking her word for it or he wouldn’t be confronting you. Start recording your phone calls with her. Next time it happens play the recording then tell your husband that you aren’t having that discussion again.

Also tell him that your son is NEVER going to be 12 hours away from you unless it’s when he goes to college. Or is at least old enough to be able to call an ambulance for himself if he is sick and needs medical attention.

zoecutebabe −  **NTA.** Your MIL had her shot, and she blew it—infected rash, m**ipulative cancer lies, and zero accountability? Hard pass. This isn’t about “fairness” or “Christmas wishes”; it’s about keeping your kid safe. Grandma privileges aren’t a free pass to play fast and loose with your baby’s health. Tell your husband to back you up or get comfortable with *his* mom getting time-outs too.

TooTired333 −  No NTA. You have one job as a momma, to keep your child safe. Your husband should feel that too, like a deep burning in his heart. Your ridiculous MIL, can see your child, via Skype. That would be it for me. I would not even let my husband take him to see her, bc he’s trying to prove to you she’s a good person and grandma, which has already been disproved. He might just take off for the day and leave his mom with C unsupervised. And here comes the rash or worse. Some people are not meant to raise children.

If I were you i’d start deeply thinking about my relationship with my husband bc he is not getting it. The biggest fear a parent faces is that the child won’t survive. My son was a premie and when I got him home I had his bassinet next to my bed and I slept with my hand on his back (his lungs hadn’t fully developed, that’s why he stayed in the NICU. ) I would be totally scared that she would not be watching C closely and something would happen. I’ve known too many people who have had their kids pass from medical emergencies or accidents.. No, just no.

Chaoticgood790 −  HELLO YOUR HUSBAND IS THE PROBLEM.