AITA for refusing to let my family meet my daughter after all of them dropped out my wedding upon finding out my wife was pregnant?

A man refuses to let his conservative Christian family meet his newborn daughter after they abandoned his wedding due to his wife being pregnant at the time. His family now claims they want to be involved in his daughter’s life, but he’s unwilling to move past their earlier rejection. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to let my family meet my daughter after all of them dropped out my wedding upon finding out my wife was pregnant?’

I come from a conservative christian family. All my family members were/are involved in the church and have church based jobs. When they met my wife they loved her and embraced her as their own. We dated for 2yrs and discovered she was pregnant after we got engaged.

Invitations were already given at the time and we decided to still have the wedding on date when my wife was 5 months in. My family were furious when they found out my wife was pregnant. They asked if we *even still* considered having a wedding.

I said why not but they were very upset especially mom and dad who said they’ve always been known for their decency and good christian values and weren’t willing to let this “stain” their reputation. as in my wife and I getting married while pregnant.

They officially dropped out and refused to negotiate saying it was done and I have only myself to blame for this outcome and should move the wedding out of town. I was hurt I tried to change their minds and checked with other members but;

My brother said he had no intentions to look like a joke infront of his fellow church members and dropped out, My aunt pretended to be sick and said she may not be able to make it, She’s 100% healthy, My cousin said he had business trip and stopped his wife and kids from attending and my uncle cussed me out, torn the invitation and kicked me out.

I felt terrible with no family members of my own to support me and share my joy at my wedding. I even broke down crying after the ceremony. I haven’t spoken to them for months and then got busy with my 4 weeks old daughter. My cousin reached out to hand me gifts and well wishes for the birth of my daughter sent from my family.

I returned everything. He sat with me on behalf of the family saying I shouldn’t have returned gifts that were from my family who want to see and hopefully be involved in my daughter’s life. He said mom’,s longing to meet her grand baby and everyone else is wanting to visit soon to celebrate my daughter’s life.

I asked him this question, I said wasn’t my daughter the reason why the entire lot of them abandoned my wedding?. He just stared grudgingly as I went on about how they treated my daughter as something to be ashamed of and hide (my daughter at some point will ask about the wedding and I have no intentions on lying to her).

He replied saying he *guaranteed* I got it all wrong and nomatter what goes down between us I can never deny that my daughter is their granddaughter/niece/etc and they’re her family. He asked that I arrange for them to visit but I refused. He kept pressing the idea but I shut him down. My wife says I should let them come but I still refused.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

GreekAmericanDom −  NTA. Let your family know that like a good Christian, you are willing to forgive, BUT… They have sinned against you and God.
Jesus’s highest teaching after loving God is to love everyone as He loves us. Including *sinners*, non-believers, and enemies. *Their* actions toward you were not about love, but *ego* and pride.

They were more worried about what others might think than simply loving you and your family. *Jesus* also taught not to judge others. That is the whole point of “Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.” They certainty cast that stone.

Let them know that you feel that you have done your work to be good with God and have nothing to apologize to them for. Have they? Until they come to you with a genuine apology that admits exactly how they wronged you and sinned against you and your wife, keep them away.. Edits: in *italics* fixed fat fingering and autocorrect mistakes.

FinanceRemarkable881 −  NTA. Keep them away from your daughter, you’re right – they are toxic. My friend has a similar thing happen, but let the family back into his life.

He found out years later that the family would pull his daughter aside from when she was about 4 up until she was about 12 or 13 to tell her she was a b**tard and a sinner. Awful stuff. He immediately cut off his family again when he found out but it really fucked his daughter up for a while until he got her therapy.

CadenceQuandry −  I personally think that they reap what they sow. Plain and simple. They ditched you as family because of your daughter. Now you need to protect her from them. What if they pull this on her? What if she does something they don’t like or they consider a stain on their reputation.

No. They do not deserve to meet her. They ended that relationship themselves. Not you. Good riddance to bad rubbish. (I have in-laws who use religion to try to control and shame and judge me. I’ve walked away and am so much happier not being around any of them, so I know where you are coming from)

MysticalTurnip −  NTA. Actions have consequences. They chose their church facade over being supportive family members. They ruined the relationship. Now that there is a physical adorable baby they want to play with her.

Nah, fam. You’re still hurt. You have to give yourself time to heal THEN decide if you want to rebuild a relationship with your family. Congrats on your little one and marriage.

GrymDraig −  NTA. I’d actually be worried if you *didn’t* protect your daughter from your incredibly toxic family. You’re absolutely doing the right thing.

Paindepiceaubeurre −  NTA, your cousin is g**lighting you hard and your family are a bunch of hypocrites. Their love for “appearances” were more important than supporting you and your wife. If they saw your daughter conception as something shameful then they have no right to be part of her life.

It also sets a terrible precedent and they’ll feel that they can drop out of your life anytime you make a decision that displeases them and then expect to be welcome back with open arms.

Besides, I have a very strong feeling that they only want to meet your daughter because people from their Church are talking about the fact that you’re estranged. They want to look like the good guys now and play happy family.. They can F right off.

G8RTOAD −  NTA They chose to shame you and your wife over her being pregnant and now they learn the hard way that being a grandparent, Uncle, great aunt, great uncle and cousin is a privilege and not a given right and if they are going to be so disrespectful towards you

and your wife over this pregnancy and your wedding then they’ve only got themselves to blame for no future relationship with you, your wife and child. Your child doesn’t need people who are disrespectful to her parents in her life, just because they are family.

MotherOfCrotchFruit −  NTA. Have they not heard of Mary? Your family are the worst type of Christians. The kind that worry more about their reputation than actually acting like a Christian and now that your daughter is here they are trying to save face.

Doesn’t work that way. They all s**k and until they can admit how wrong they were and apologize for how they treated you and your wife surrounding the events of your pregnancy and wedding they can kick rocks

[Reddit User] −  NTA. They cannot drop out of the wedding because your wife was pregnant and then act like nothing happened. That’s not very christian…

[Reddit User] −  NTA, they called your daughter a stain on their reputation they can go f**k off.

Does the Redditor have a right to protect his daughter from a family that treated her existence as shameful, or should he consider giving them a second chance for the sake of family unity? What would you do in his situation? Share your thoughts below!