AITA for refusing to let my brother propose to his girlfriend at my wedding?

A Reddit user faced a wedding day disaster when his brother ignored explicit boundaries and proposed to his girlfriend during the reception. The surprise moment overshadowed the couple’s big day, leaving the bride heartbroken and family divided over whether the brother’s actions were selfish or celebratory. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my brother propose to his girlfriend at my wedding?’

Hi, I (32M) recently got married to my amazing wife (30F), but what should’ve been one of the happiest days of my life turned into a major blow-up with my brother, T. (29M). Now I’m questioning if I handled things the wrong way, even though I feel like I was in the right.

T. and I have always been close, but he’s got a habit of making everything about him. He’s been dating his girlfriend, E. (29F), for about three years now. She’s wonderful, and honestly, we all thought they’d be engaged by now, but T. has always dragged his feet when it comes to big commitments.

About a month before my wedding, T. came to me with a “big idea.” He wanted to propose to E. during my wedding reception. His pitch was that weddings are all about love, and it would be “symbolic” for him to pop the question surrounded by family and friends. He also said it would save him the trouble of planning something elaborate.

I told him flat-out no. I explained that I wanted the day to be focused on my wife and me, especially since she put so much effort into planning every detail. I said it wouldn’t feel fair for our day to be overshadowed by someone else’s big moment. T. acted like he understood and said he’d find another time to propose.

I thought we were on the same page. Fast forward to the wedding day. Everything was going perfectly—ceremony, first dance, speeches. Then, during the reception, while people were starting their meals, I suddenly heard a commotion. I looked over and saw T. on one knee in the middle of the dance floor, holding out a ring to E.

The room erupted in cheers and clapping, but I was absolutely livid. E. looked shocked but said yes, and the two of them hugged while everyone crowded around them, congratulating them. Meanwhile, my wife and I were sitting at our table, stunned.

I pulled T. aside congratuled him awkwardly and asked him what the hell he was doing. He brushed me off, saying “It was the perfect moment! Everyone was already here, and it just felt right!” I reminded him that I had explicitly told him no, but he rolled his eyes and said “Come on, man, it didn’t ruin anything.

People are still celebrating your wedding.” Eventho afterwards everyone was just talking about them/to them. My wife was heartbroken. She said she felt like her special day had been hijacked, and I completely agreed. The rest of the night was awkward—people kept congratulating T. and E. more than they talked about the wedding.

To make it worse, during his toast, T. said, “It’s a big day for love in our family!” and basically turned it into a speech about him and E.
The next day, I confronted T. again. I told him how disrespectful and selfish his actions were, and that he owed both me and my wife a massive apology.

Instead, he doubled down, saying I was overreacting and being selfish for trying to “control the day.” He said weddings are about family, and I should be happy that everyone got to celebrate two milestones instead of just one. The rest of the family is divided.

Our parents are upset with T. but think I should “let it go” because “it’s not worth ruining your relationship with your brother.” A couple of relatives said I’m being dramatic, but others told me they couldn’t believe T. pulled a stunt like that.

Now T. and I aren’t speaking. E. has been texting me, apologizing and saying she didn’t know he was going to propose that day, but T. insists he didn’t do anything wrong. My wife is furious and feels like her big day was stolen, and honestly I can’t blame her.

So, reddit, am I the a**hole for not letting him propose—and for being angry that he did it anyway? Should I have just let it slide to keep the peace? I feel bad for being mad art him – E. is the love of his life, but in the same time i did tell him to not do this on ours special day.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

TarzanKitty −  Well, since he obviously has a wedding coming up. You and your wife should announce a pregnancy there.

EnglishMouse −  If I were E and found out afterwards about this, I would retract my yes. Who the hell wants to marry someone who can’t be bothered to put any effort into a proposal and is so bad at boundaries that they ignore a flat out no and do it anyway?

At the very least, I would want them to propose again some other time that isn’t contaminated by all this, and I would be seriously considering if they were the person that I thought they were. And you’re NTA. Sounds like they have a habit of s**t like this. I wouldn’t talk to them again.

Common-Ad718 −  NTA. I would send a message to E: “I just want to make it clear we aren’t mad at you for what my brother chose to do; you probably are as mad at him because he couldn’t even plan or do something special for you 😔, even though I encourage him to do something nice for you but he said it was much of a hassle.

Well I guess T disappointed both of us.. Or. Make a pregnancy Announcement at his wedding. Edit: thank you for the award 🤗.

sugarybunnny −  No, you’re not the a**hole. He totally disrespected you and your wife’s big day. Like, he had months to plan a proposal, and he chose to steal the spotlight at your wedding? Nah. It’s your wedding, not his moment to shine. He should’ve respected that.

virtualllangel −  NTA. It’s your special day, and you have every right to set boundaries about what happens at your wedding. Proposals can be a very personal moment, and it’s understandable if you don’t want that moment overshadowing yours.

You’re not responsible for your brother’s plans, and it’s okay to ask him to choose another time for his proposal. If he’s understanding, he’ll respect your decision.

girlmeeoww −  Nah, you’re *so* not the AH. He straight-up hijacked your wedding after you told him no. That’s selfish, and your wife has every right to be upset. Proposing at someone else’s wedding is tacky AF. T needs to learn boundaries—your day wasn’t his moment to steal.

Mediocre_Career8822 −  Send him the bill for the reception since it essentially turned into his engagement party. Nta

iknowsomethings2 −  NTA. Not only is proposing at someone does wedding tacky AF, but you said NO. You told him he couldn’t and he still did. Message this to your family and your brother and E:

‘My wife and I deeply upset by (brothers) actions on our wedding day, not only to hijack our day by proposing to E to save him planning something himself, which is lazy and tacky as hell.

But I explicitly told him not to, and he completely disregarded my feelings on the matter and the hard work my wife and I put in to planning the wedding, let alone the money.

Until my wife and I get a public apology and monetary reimbursement for some of our day since we had to share it with you, we will be going LC with you and any family members who support you, yes that includes you Mum and Dad (unless you want to contribute money to pay for the fact it ended up being an engagement party as well as OUR WEDDING).

We will not be attending any family gatherings my brother is present at, including his wedding. Or you never know, maybe we’ll announce a pregnancy at your wedding. Since weddings are all about family.

E I hope you enjoy a life of your fiancé hijacking other people’s celebrations to save putting in effort for you.’ Obviously that is the nuclear option. But your brother is an AH. I wouldn’t forgive him going against my wishes and disrespecting my wife.

Famous-Back8353 −  NTA I would never talk to them again. That day is special and is supposed to be the one day you and your wife can be selfish and make it all about you guys. He shouldn’t have done that.

What made him think that was alright. If you get invited to their wedding, take away the spot light from him. Make his wedding about YOU. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I’m sorry this happened to you and your fiancé. That’s terrible.

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  NTA. Your wife is right; your big day was hijacked. A wedding is the only day in a woman’s life that’s all about celebrating her love, and your brother shifted focus and made it all about him and his fiancé.

That’s bad enough, but what makes it worse is that you had specifically told him not to, and he disrespected your right to put up a boundary around YOUR event. I feel bad for his fiancé, as she clearly knows he was in the wrong and knowing that he damaged his family to propose to her probably sucks for her…

he not only ruined your big day, your wife’s big day, and your relationship with him, but he also put a damper on what should be a sweet and romantic memory for his own future wife.

Was the brother’s proposal at the wedding an innocent gesture of love or a selfish act that disrespected the couple’s special day? How would you handle such a boundary-crossing situation? Share your thoughts below!