AITA for refusing to let my brother-in-law borrow my car after he insulted me in front of my family?

A 28-year-old man refuses to let his brother-in-law, John, borrow his car after John made a disrespectful comment about his finance career during a family dinner. Although John’s car broke down, the man feels that the past insult reflects a lack of respect.

His in-laws and wife believe he should let it go for the sake of family unity, but he feels justified in standing his ground. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to let my brother-in-law borrow my car after he insulted me in front of my family?’

I (28M) have a brother-in-law, John (32M), who recently moved to the same city as my wife Emily (30F) and me. We’ve always had a cordial relationship, but it’s never been super close. A few weeks ago, we invited John and my in-laws over for dinner, and everything was going fine until John made a passive-aggressive comment about my career.

For context, I work in finance, and John is in construction management. Out of nowhere, he says something like, “Well, at least my job actually contributes something to society instead of just moving numbers around.”

It caught me off guard, and I didn’t say much at the time, just brushed it off and tried to steer the conversation away from it. Later that night, Emily told me she felt bad about what John said and admitted he’d made similar comments in the past. She encouraged me to let it go, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.

Fast forward to this weekend. John’s car broke down, and he asked if he could borrow mine for a couple of days. I flat-out refused and told him he could ask someone else or rent a car. John got upset, saying I was overreacting and holding a grudge over something “small and stupid.”

Now my in-laws and even Emily are telling me I’m being too harsh and should have just let him use the car. They say family should help each other out, and I’m making things more awkward by holding onto a minor insult.

But to me, it’s not just the insult—it’s the lack of respect he’s shown, especially when he knew it hurt me. So, AITA for refusing to let him borrow my car after he insulted my career?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Ironyismylife28 −  F**k that, NTA. He doesn’t get to be an ass to you then turn around and ask for a favour. Shame on your wife and in-laws for not supporting you.

Sea_Firefighter_4598 −  NTA. He can borrow someone else’s car or do something “unmanly” like apologize.

RJack151 −  NTA. Tell the inlaws that they can loan him one of their cars, but you are under no obligation to ever help him.

Gonebabythoughts −  Can they not afford to rent a car? I am curious why his default position was that he was owed the use of someone else’s, and specifically yours. Maybe he can take Emily’s car and she can use yours?

Mazforever72 −  Tell Emily you will not be a doormat for her family just like you wouldn’t expect her to be a doormat for yours.

RaptorOO7 −  He disrespects you in your home in front of your family and then has the audacity to ask to borrow your car. Any time I had a car breakdown I got a rental until it was fixed. Besides what would the construction guys think if they saw him driving your car.

BoSsUnicorn1969 −  NTA… and, for bonus points, if construction management is “better” than finance, couldn’t he scrape some of his hard-earned cash to find some substitute transportation or buy a new car???

UndebateableMom −  Hmmm…. “family should help each other out” and not “family should be respectful to each other”. What a bunch of crap.
You are NTA and good for you for not kowtowing to this j**k. “Oh, you mean the car that my useless career PAID FOR?”

Snackinpenguin −  So the “moving numbers around” job is what paid for your car. He doesn’t get to s**t on your livelihood and then demand use of yours. NTA.

Laquila −  Lending someone your car is far too great a risk, even if he wasn’t an ass. He’ll have to look for other options.. NTA

Is he being reasonable in refusing to help someone who insulted him, or should he let it go for family harmony? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!