AITA for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to Thanksgiving after she disrespected my wife?

A man (31M) is facing a dilemma about his brother Josh (29M) bringing his girlfriend, Lindsey (27F), to Thanksgiving. His wife, Lily (30F), has been uncomfortable with Lindsey’s passive-aggressive comments at family events, such as criticizing their decision to not have children and making remarks about Lily’s career.

After a recent incident, the man decided to tell his brother that he didn’t want Lindsey to come to Thanksgiving, which led to his brother threatening to not attend if she isn’t invited. His parents are now caught in the middle, and his mother thinks he’s being too harsh. The man is questioning whether he’s overreacting in standing up for his wife. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to Thanksgiving after she disrespected my wife?’

I (31M) am married to Lily (30F). My brother Josh (29M) recently started dating Lindsey (27F), and while she’s been polite at family events, Lily feels Lindsey has made some passive-aggressive comments.

For example, at a recent BBQ, Lindsey said it was “selfish” that Lily and I weren’t planning to have kids anytime soon. Lily felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t say anything at the time. Another incident happened at a family dinner when Lindsey remarked, “I’m surprised you two are so happy without kids.

You must be really good at being selfish.” Lily was hurt by that comment, and it made her feel like Lindsey was judging our life choices. Most recently, at a birthday party, Lindsey made a comment about Lily’s career, saying, “It’s cute that you’re working part-time with no kids while Josh and I are really focusing on our careers.”

Lily was annoyed, but didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to start drama. Thanksgiving is at our house this year, and when Josh asked if he could bring Lindsey, I told him I’d prefer if she didn’t come. I explained that some of her comments had made Lily feel disrespected, and I didn’t want that to ruin the holiday.

Josh got upset and said I was being petty. He argued that I was overreacting and that Lindsey was “just being honest,” but I stood my ground. Now Josh says he won’t come if Lindsey isn’t invited, and my parents are caught in the middle.

My mom thinks I’m being too harsh, but I feel like I’m just standing up for my wife. AITA for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to Thanksgiving?

Check out how the community responded:

4th_chakra −  You’re awesome for standing up for you wife. I read a lot of these sorts of stories, and the SO often stands off to the side, letting their spouse fend for themselves. He argued that I was overreacting and that Lindsey was “just being honest,”

So your brother defended Lindsey, rather than saying, “Hmm, you know, she *was* badgering Lily with her opinion. I’ll go talk to her. I’m sorry my girlfriend treated her that way.” Now Josh says he won’t come if Lindsey isn’t invited . That’s his choice.

But it is your home, and you and Lily are entitled to not be subject to the harassment of someone with an agenda. She is your wife, and you are standing up for her. Good for you. Hopefully your mom understands that eventually.. NTA

coolerbeans1981 −  NTA, why would you want to expose your wife to an abuser? Lindsey was “just being honest,” “Honesty is fine. It’s her delivery that is offensive.” People who claim to be “brutally honest” tend to enjoy the brutality more than respect the honesty.

Now Josh says he won’t come if Lindsey isn’t invited, and my parents are caught in the middle. So be it. Your wife is your immediate family now. Your brothers and parents are extended family.

A-Strange-Peg −  **NTA** I have a great phrase which you still be able to use “It’s never occurred to me Lindsy would even want to come after she made it very clear she dislikes us, our home, our family and the childbearing choices we were forced\* to make’

LOL and you WERE ‘forced’ by your right to make choices w/o her opinions. You might also want to remind Josh *that people who actively and repeatedly insult and hurt others under the guise of ‘just being honest’ are often called bullies and are seldom invited back to launch another attack.

Maybe CC your mom and ask her for advice. See what Josh (or Lindsay) says, then decide. In the long term, if it looks like Lindsey is going to marry Josh, the entire family would do better to gently teach her: *”

We don’t talk/treat each other like that in this family”* as maybe she just wasn’t raised right and is unaware her b**ly words are NOT the best way to act and make her look like an AH

kimba-the-tabby-lion −  NTA, but I am not sure why you are hiding behind Lily. Two out of three examples you give, Lindsey talking about both of you, but somehow only Lily is offended. Say you don’t like being called selfish either. And honesty is no defence. I think when most people are rude, they mean it.

If someone says I am selfish and my career cute, it’s actually worse if they mean it (ie are honest) than if they are just saying it for some petty point scoring reason. If Lindsey really believes what she is saying, then she needs to equivocate if she wants to interact with you socially

Tally0987654321 −  NTA Lindsey wasn’t being honest, she was being rude. Tell them until they understand the difference, she will be barred.

AsparagusWTweak −  NTA. You’re “just being honest” too. You don’t want Lindsey at your house. Good for you for standing your ground.  

alien_overlord_1001 −  NTA. Giving your unsolicited opinion about other peoples family status or career, is not ‘being honest’ – its just plain old ‘being rude’.
If Lindsey can’t keep her opinions to herself, then you are not obliged to be in the same room as her.

GirlDad2023_ −  Either you or your wife should have confronted Lily way before now. But there’s no way that woman should be allowed if you’re hosting Thanksgiving, NTA.

Wonderful-Teach8210 −  ESH. This is your family, and it is your duty to shield your wife from their shenanigans. And Jesus – Lyndsey isn’t even a member of the family! By all means, disinvite her.

But the only reason she feels so free to run her mouth is because no one has been brave enough to tell her to shut it. Are you going to avoid her forever? Stiffen your spine.

GothPenguin −  Lindsey’s just being honest? It’s honestly none of her business if you and your wife have children. It’s honestly not her place to call your wife selfish or belittle her employment. It’s honestly not her place to be such an a**hole. NTA

You’re not wrong for standing up for your wife. It’s important to support your spouse, especially if they feel disrespected in their own home. While your brother’s feelings are valid, respecting your family’s comfort should be a priority for everyone. It’s unfortunate that the situation is causing tension, but setting boundaries is a healthy choice. What do you think? share your thoughts below!