AITA for refusing to let my brother borrow my car for his wedding after he trashed it the last time?

Weddings are meant to be a celebration of love and family, but sometimes old wounds resurface over seemingly trivial matters. In this story, a 34‑year‑old man is facing a difficult decision as his brother, who’s getting married soon, asked to borrow his beloved car for a wedding exit.

Although he understands the significance of the day, he recalls a past incident when his brother borrowed the car for a weekend trip and returned it trashed—with trash scattered everywhere, a scratch on the side, and an almost empty gas tank. This memory stings, as his brother dismissed the damage as “just a car, man,” without offering any apology or effort to make amends.

Now, despite family pressure urging him to be more flexible with his brother, he finds himself unwilling to risk his hard-earned property again. As his parents call his decision selfish and his brother claims he’s overreacting, he stands firm on his boundaries, questioning whether it’s fair to sacrifice his peace of mind for one day. Is he the asshole for refusing to lend his car, or is he justified in protecting his investment?

‘ AITA for refusing to let my brother borrow my car for his wedding after he trashed it the last time?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “Setting boundaries regarding personal property is essential for maintaining self-respect, especially when past actions have undermined trust. It is completely reasonable to refuse to lend your car if you feel that your brother’s previous behavior indicates a lack of care.”

She continues, “While family ties often call for forgiveness and compromise, it’s important that you feel secure in your own decisions. If a request repeatedly brings up old wounds and risks damaging your hard-earned investment, setting a firm boundary can be a healthy way to protect yourself.”

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “Family conflicts over property can be very charged, particularly when they involve significant emotional investments. In this case, your decision reflects a desire to avoid repeating past mistakes, and that is a reasonable stance. It might be beneficial to address the issue in a calm discussion with your brother to explore if there’s any room for compromise, but you are not obligated to expose your property to potential damage.”

Both experts agree that while some may view this decision as inflexible, it is a justified response to past negligence. Protecting your property—and by extension, your emotional well-being—is critical, especially when previous behavior indicates a pattern that you’re not willing to repeat.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Several redditors expressed strong support for your decision. One user commented, “If your brother couldn’t treat your car with the respect it deserves before, you’re not the asshole for saying no now. Your boundaries are completely valid.”

Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “Family is important, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own hard work. You have every right to protect your car and your investment, especially if it’s been disrespected in the past.”