AITA for refusing to host my former ILs for Christmas so my kids and their half siblings can see each other at Christmas?

A Reddit user (30F) is navigating a difficult situation with her ex-husband’s family after being asked to host her former in-laws and her ex’s children from his second marriage for Christmas. The user’s ex (31M) led a chaotic life post-divorce, leaving his children with his parents while both he and his wife face legal troubles.

Although the in-laws argue that the kids should spend the holidays together, the user’s children (12F, 10M) have expressed they don’t want to see their half-siblings. Despite standing firm, she’s being called selfish and accused of denying the siblings a relationship. Now, she’s questioning whether she’s wrong for refusing to host such a complicated gathering. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to host my former ILs for Christmas so my kids and their half siblings can see each other at Christmas?’

I (30f) have two children (12f, 10m) with my ex (31m). The bg is we met and married young because our religious parents believed in marrying and having a family young, like out of high school young. And we had liked/loved each other so I believed we were both committed to at least respecting each other, which we promised to always do.

But he cheated on me a lot. Starting from close to the beginning. But then he had an affair. Like one woman had all his time and I found out about it not long after our son was born. My ex also got this affair partner pregnant and even though it cost me my whole family I wasn’t willing to tolerate all that so I ended our marriage.

Since the divorce my ex has led a very messy life. He married his affair partner and they have at least four kids. They could have more by now and honestly I never cared to be around them or to find out more about their life other than how things were for my kids with them. The realization of the messy life they live has come in the last five months.

Ex and I shared custody of our kids but they spent more time with me because he always had reasons he couldn’t take them which was fine. The kids hated being with him and I love my kids so will never complain that they’re with me. It only makes me sad they can’t have a dad that’s as involved.

Anyway, ex and his wife became homeless and my ex got arrested. Ex’s parents supposedly took the kids in on a temporary basis while they figured their s**t out but both ended up living with his parents and then moved out to “set up an apartment” and then I guess they both got arrested. So my former ILs have the other children. And I still don’t know how many but at least four of them.

They reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked if I would host them for Thanksgiving and Christmas so the kids could all be together and I said no. They didn’t push and I stupidly thought they were going to let it go but they expected me to change my mind for Thanksgiving. When I didn’t they became relentless about how selfish I am and how the siblings should all spend the holidays together.

I did talk to my kids and they don’t want to see their half siblings and don’t want a really messy Christmas. I asked if they’d want to go to see them at their grandparents house if the grandparents were okay with it and they said no, which was a relief because I don’t want the religion stuff being pushed on my kids more, although they don’t seem to be like they were a decade ago.

I keep saying no and my former ILs keep saying I’m a horrible person and how could I keep the siblings apart. They asked me if I wanted them to grow up with zero relationship. I never answer but they keep asking that question or asking why I won’t promote the relationship. I have blocked their number a few times. Not sure if they change their number or just borrow others phones but they still keep asking.

It’s gotten to the point where I wonder if I am wrong for not insisting my kids should see their half siblings and agree to this, even though I really want nothing to do with the mess. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Mother_Search3350 −  Tell them they will be joining their son in prison if they don’t stop harassing you.. NTAH.

RazzmatazzOk9463 −  NTA. Watch them come over and d**p the kids on you and do a runner. It’s always the ones who preach the loudest that think they’re exempt from having to follow their own religious rules.

Amazing-Bus9484 −  NTA. Stop doubting yourself. Your kids have already told you they want nothing to do with these people listen to them. Follow through with that lawyer and let them handle it.

iknowsomethings2 −  Contact your lawyer and the police. This is harassment.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Your kids are not interested in having a relationship with their half siblings and that should be the end of it. I would also look into taking full custody of your kids, given their father rarely sees them and now has run into some legal difficulties. Document your ex in-laws harassment, it might help your case for full custody and no grandparent rights.

This is my guess, your ex in-laws are having problems coping with 4 kids below the age of 10. You hosting the half siblings for Thanksgiving and Christmas, is the beginning of opening the door to having you take more responsibility for the 4 half-siblings. Your ex in-laws would insist “just give it more time” for your kids to bond with their half-siblings, even if your kids are clearly not interested. The half-siblings are not your responsibility, they have parents and grandparents. NTA.

Super_Reading2048 −  You need to contact a lawyer. 1 this harassment from the grandparents 2 to get full custody of your children. You don’t know when/if their dad will get out of jail/prison or what he was arrested for. Something tells me he isn’t a fit parent. The fact that your kids don’t want to go to his house is very telling! So get on top of the custody thing.

MajorUpbeat3122 −  I love how the “religious family” has a son who gets arrested. All that praying for nothing!

madpiratebippy −  NTA
I’m willing to bet it’s not that they want the siblings together but they wanted you to do all the cooking/decorating/work for the holidays.

kmflushing −  Yeah, I wouldn’t invite that mess into my home either. And I don’t mean the kids. Document. Report them for harassment, if you have to.. Absolutely NTA.

Mayan_drea −  NTA. You asked your kids, and they don’t want to see their half-siblings that’s what matters. You’re prioritizing their wishes and keeping healthy boundaries with people who have repeatedly disrespected you.