AITA for refusing to hold a graduation party for my daughter for getting her GED ?

A Reddit user shared a dilemma about refusing to host a graduation party for his daughter, who recently earned her GED at 26. While he’s proud of her progress, he feels a party might not be fitting, given her age, past family conflicts, and the strain she’s put on relationships due to past mistakes. When he declined, she was deeply hurt and called him a jerk. Read on to find out the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to hold a graduation party for my daughter for getting her GED ?’

I will try to keep this as short as possible. My middle daughter has always struggled with academics. She was in the average classes usally getting a C or B. In highschool it got harder and she went through a lot of tutoring. When she was 17, she almost failed out. She had been tested before but it came back with nothing.

We learned at that time that she decided to stop, she wasn’t turning stuff in and told us there was no point since she doesn’t do well academically. She also had a huge resentment at the time for her younger sister that was academically inclined.

She turned 18 and refused to go to school and dropped out. After this she spiral and ruined a lot of relationships with friends and family. She had an addiction. Her three siblings do not speak with her and my wife doesn’t interact with her.

That’s a whole different story but in short she stole a lot of money. She is now 26 and back on track. She called me asking me to host a graduation party since she got her GED. That I did it for the rest of the kids I told her no for three main reasons.

The first being she isn’t a graduating, she got her GED. No one will show up, she has screwed almost all of the family so they won’t go and her friends are shady so I don’t want to invite them. My last is that she is 26 and this was suppose to happen when she was 18.. She called me a j**k

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

many_hobbies_gal −  NTA, but I might offer a compromise, she needs to try to make ammends with the family. If she does then I might offer a nice dinner out with the immediate family or those willing to go. Her accomplishment deserves to be recognized but she also has some work to do. Sounds like until now things have been pretty toxic.

Usrname52 −  ESH – She’s not e**itled to a party. She’s not e**itled to you spending money on her. She’s not e**itled to relationships with her siblings that she hurt/alienated. But you’re an AH.

Instead of being proud of her achievement, and her turning things around, you told her “This isn’t important, you should have graduated at 18”. People celebrate achievements all the time…milestones in life or things they are proud of.

Trevena_Ice −  INFO: Does she want the celebration because she finaly gets her live back on track and wants to be celebrated for that. Or does she wants it because being celebrated means, she gets money. If first soft YTA. Your arguments are valide, yes.

But she is still your daugther and seems to be getting better (and wants to share that with her dad?). So maybe do some small celebration for that. If there is no one who would attend, maybe invite her just to a dinner or some amusement park she would enjoy.. If it is the second NTA.

seregil42 −  I agree that a graduation party would be inappropriate. However, you could have handled this SOOOOO much better than you did. How about an offer to take her out to a nice dinner for congratulations on getting back on track?

kmm198700 −  YTA. She’s clean currently and got her GED. I’ll be honest, I doubt I could pass a GED and I graduated high school and have a bachelor and a masters degree. A GED is like taking all of high school in one test and without the actual teachers teaching so she essentially had to teach herself.

Not only that, she managed to get clean and stay clean. That is a huge accomplishment and deserves to be celebrated and acknowledged. She needs support to stay clean and not for her parents to continue to judge her (it sounds like you are still judging her).

ipsofactoshithead −  I mean, don’t you want to encourage her? She may have fucked up, but shouldn’t you be happy that she got her GED? Even if you don’t have a party, don’t downplay her achievements.

Limp-Star2137 −  NTA. However, since the two of you are still in contact, maybe go to lunch or dinner together? That way she can still be celebrated, because it is a great achievement!

You were a slight ah when you said it was supposed to happen at 18 and not 26 though. She still did it. I don’t blame you for not wanting to throw a party that no one will show to or have her shady friends at, but something is better than nothing if you’re wanting to maintain the relationship. 

owls_and_cardinals −  It sounds like her behavior towards you and her family has been really harmful, so I wouldn’t call you an AH for having this type of reaction. So I’ll go NAH – she HAS been an AH in the past, but this question is not about whether she was an AH for stealing from you (of course she was) but about her expecting or wanting a ‘graduation’ celebration.

I encourage you to consider if there is a way to celebrate and honor her achievement. Unfortunately this reads like you are at the end of your tether with her, are maybe the last one she actually has any decent relationship with, and are focusing on the surface-level reasons why she shouldn’t get a graduation party. I think you should look deeper.

This woman has overcome a lot. You describe someone who worked hard at school but who constantly struggled and it finally became too much for her, and for someone who had gotten so far off-track, it IS remarkable how she has pulled herself into a more positive place. Do you think she’d appreciate a small dinner hosted by you, even if it’s just the two of you?

It sounds like possibly part of her issue is feeling like a failure compared to her siblings, or even like you’ve favored them because they are high-achieving, and she’s trying to achieve some level of parity with them. So a GED at age 26 might not be the same to you but it represents something significant for her and I think some form of celebration of that would be good.

I’m completely unsure what you would do about the fact that she has no relationship with the rest of the family, however. She might need to just realize that, after having been SO harmful in the past, she has more to do to repair those relationships before she can expect ‘normal’ treatment from her family.

strut84 −  NTA – 4 months of being in the straight and narrow doesn’t make up for 7 years of poor behavior and destroying relationships. But I think the least you could do is take her out for dinner or something.

screamqueen57 −  YTA. It’s understandable to be frustrated with who your daughter was in the past. It sounds like your family went through a lot and she burned a lot of bridges. However, it’s also important to recognize she’s young and was even younger when she made those mistakes.

Yeah, a GED isn’t the same as graduating high school, but it’s a really big accomplishment for your daughter, who had given up on believing she was worth anything because she did poorly in school. I think your daughter just wants an opportunity to show your family that she’s turning her life around and has accomplished something.

The fact of the matter is, if you refuse to acknowledge this achievement because it’s not a “real graduation”, you’re telling her that nothing she does will ever be good enough. It wouldn’t kill you to throw a celebratory dinner and make her feel special for a night.

Do you think the father’s decision to skip the celebration was reasonable, or should he consider hosting a party to acknowledge his daughter’s progress? How would you balance celebrating small victories with the complexities of past mistakes? Share your thoughts below!